posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Reading the news articles about the accusations of rape made against Bill Cosby has suddenly made me resolutely certain of the fact that my rapist has had other victims. My question is, how does one "find" those other victims... without going to court or being super public about having been raped?Bill Cosby's words align so perfectly with those of my rapist's: "You aren't going to fight me this time, are you?" Seriously, my rapist might as well have just quoted Cosby verbatim. That made something click for me: I can clearly see now that it is a very particular pattern of thinking and twisted logic that enables a rapist to carry out an assault, replete with gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse-- and that logic was reflected in his peculiar word choice and manipulative sentences. I am sure that my rapist has had other victims. In fact, he said himself that he had "forced" other women to have sex before, "just not very frequently," ... so I'll leave it at that. There has to be some sort of critical mass before more victims are willing to come forward... but how does that happen, given that sexual assault is such an intensely personal and stigmatized matter? How have things like the abuse at Horace Mann come to light; how do things like that unfold? How might one go about reaching out to and/or finding fellow victims, especially when the perpetrator was adept enough to not shit where he eats and pick someone (me) who was completely isolated (I have zero mutual contacts with my rapist) from the academic community in which he spends most of his time? There isn't any sort of a physical bathroom stall graffiti list sort of thing going on, so in practical terms that wouldn't work. And the fact that he targeted me means that he probably targeted other people who were not really in his community-- correct me if I am wrong-- which makes things a lot more difficult. I have chosen to not file a criminal complaint and do not want to file a criminal complaint, even though I filed a report a while back (just not in the criminal justice system). Would an anonymous Craigslist posting work, and if so, do you have any tips on how one might want to phrase things? How much can I reveal? Can I reach out to individuals within his community and ask if they have any information, or is that an invasion of his privacy? Could I get in trouble? Is this, all in all, a reckless and dangerous thing to do? Something that is likely fruitless? Too emotionally exhausting? Do you have any personal anecdotes on connecting with fellow victims? I can give more details if necessary; throwaway email is: climbeverymountain15@gmail.com. Thanks!

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"If we start from the guts, we go back to our origin. It is the butchers, in the end, that bring our food back to the rusticness of the tribe." Italian butcher Dario Cecchini, guts a pig, and discusses the tradition and art of butchering and the importance of being "responsible carnivores...thankful for the gift." Cecchini is the "Dante-quoting butcher" featured in Heat: An Amateur's Adventures as Kitchen Slave, Line Cook, Pasta-Maker, and Apprentice to a Dante-Quoting Butcher in Tuscany. And here's another video with a similar message, but a different piece of meat, more details about his village as a "tiny little gastronomic republic" and instructions on how to use every piece of the pig "in the best way."

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm having problems controlling my temper, every so often, with my child, who is increasingly pressing my buttons. I would like advice on how to not forget myself and spank this child when my temper is piqued (usually by hitting, kicking, or spitting).I have a three-year-old child. (S)he is very fun and pleasant but also very high-energy most of the time. On bad days, that energy turns into a giant tantrum, usually at bedtime or when (s)he is caught doing something naughty (like tormenting the cat). We have a consistent time-out policy; Child spends three minutes in their room for most serious offenses (like throwing things aggressively). Once in a while, (s)he will kick or hit me as hard as possible while being transported to time-out, and sometimes when that happens I lose my temper and spank Child (once, on the bottom, sometimes bare bottom, with my hand). Tonight, for example, (s)he whacked me with a drum stick (s)he found behind the couch when I tried to take another toy away at bedtime. It really hurt and I lost my temper and swatted Child on the bottom as I took them to bed. I really really do not want to do that. I know spanking is generally bad for children and I can tell that it only makes Child more upset and aggressive in response. It's a lack of self-control on my part, and I imagine my own spanking-heavy upbringing (belts, paddles) has something to do with it. Are there any practices that can help me self-recognize when my temper flares up, before I spank Child? Has anyone ever found a mindset or something that works for them to stifle the compulsion to swat a thrashing child on the bottom? Obviously "don't leave drumsticks lying around" is relevant advice, and clearly my disciplinary strategy needs some tweaking as Child is getting older and more willful/less cooperative, but it's the temper issue within myself that I'm worried about.

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
The Los Angeles Men's Central Jail's gay wing was set up in response to a 1985 ACLU lawsuit, which aimed to protect homosexual inmates from a higher threat of physical violence than heterosexuals faced. But something unexpected has happened. The inmates are safer now, yes. But they've surprised everyone, perhaps even themselves, by setting up a small and flourishing society behind bars. Once released, some re-offend in order to be with an inmate they love. There are hatreds and occasionally even severe violence, but there is also friendship, community, love — and, especially, harmless rule-bending to dress up like models or decorate their bunks, often via devious means. LA Weekly looks inside MCJ, with an exclusive video the unique situation, from Voice Media Group. For further reading on the unique K6G unit, see Two Models of the Prison: Accidental Humanity and Hypermasculinity in the L.A. County Jail (PDF), and Governmental 'Gaydar': Race, Sexual Identity and Incarceration (PDF), both scholarly articles that study this part of MCJ.

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
9/11/2012 saw the deadliest factory fire in history, in Baldia Town, Karachi. In Quiet Burns the Fire, Karachi-based Herald's Danyal Adam Khan investigates the follow up to the fire. (Previously on Metafilter)

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
In BBC Sherlock's, series 3 episode 1 The Empty Hearse, the character Moran is uncredited. Even in the DVD commentary, Mark Gatiss refers to him only as "that guy." Tumblr pleading and screen grabbies here. Who is he?

Read More...
posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm looking for ideas for "lists of things that are ordered". Can you help me think of some? Examples inside.I correspond with a friend primarily through numbered lists of things in emails. It gets boring having our lists be "one, two, three", so I want to switch it up. To do that, I need a bunch of ideas of "groups of things that have a distinct ordering to them". Some examples: - Amuse-bouche, appetizer, salad, entree, dessert, apertif (meal courses) - NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, Wii (Nintendo game consoles) - Troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere, thermosphere, exosphere (atmospheric layers) - Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, Lion, Mountain Lion (Mac OS versions) Googling for ideas here is hard, apparently. Basically, if you have a themed list of 4-10 things that has a distinctive ordering to them, I'd love to steal it. The more random the better. Thanks!

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
My wife is starting a professional organizing business and is having trouble coming up with a name for her business that a) doesn't sound generic (i.e. "Organizing Solutions"), b) would appeal equally well to businesses and homeowners and c) would avoid her services being confused with a cleaning service. I'm wondering if anyone here might be able to offer any suggestions?

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Find Your State in the United States of Thanksgiving [The New York Times] "We've scoured the nation for recipes that evoke each of the 50 states (and D.C. and Puerto Rico). Tell us your favorites." Some random highlights: Arkansas: Roast Heritage Turkey and Gravy "Heritage birds can be tricky to roast; the flesh is firmer than a supermarket bird. He suggests a day in a brine sweetened with apple cider and then roasting the bird on a bed of rosemary. Roasted giblets and a chopped hard-boiled egg add texture and depth to his country-style gravy. "That's from my mother's side of the family," he said. "The eggs and giblets make it a little more rustic and a little more interesting. It's the gravy that saves that dry turkey." District of Columbia: Garam Masala Pumpkin Tart "I flavored what I consider a very American pumpkin pie with a staple of Indian cuisine: garam masala," Mr. Samuelsson wrote in his new cookbook, "Marcus Off Duty: The Recipes I Cook At Home," where he gives the recipe, but as a large tart, not an individual tartlet. It adds a worldly touch to an American tradition, ideally suited to Washington. Michigan: Baked German Potato Salad While all sorts of products, like oysters, were coming by boat from the East to Michigan and the rest of the Midwest during the pioneer period, the European families who settled there generally liked to stick to their ethnic traditions. "In the Upper Peninsula, there were the Finlanders, and they had Cornish hens," said Priscilla Massie, a co-author of the cookbook "Walnut Pickles and Watermelon Cake: A Century of Michigan Cooking." Then there were the Germans families, who, Ms. Massie said, tended to adopt Thanksgiving first. Their tangy baked potato salad can be found on many tables around the state to this day, made easy by a crop that's available statewide. Puerto Rico: Mofongo Stuffing What does mofongo mean to Puerto Rico? Well, what do biscuits mean to the South, or green chiles to the people of New Mexico? Mofongo, which in its most traditional form is a fried-and-mashed fusion of plantains, pork rinds, garlic and peppers, symbolizes the island's soul food. It is beloved, even if sometimes misunderstood; it can be vexingly heavy, but when it's executed properly there's a righteous balance of crispness and fluff. For this recipe we went to Jose Enrique, the Puerto Rican chef who's gaining attention for giving Caribbean cuisine an extra layer of refinement. We asked him for a mofongo for the Thanksgiving table, standing at the ready to soak up gravy and meet your turkey on the tip of a fork. Texas: Turkey Tamales Tamales are a holiday staple for Mexican-American families from the Rio Grande Valley up to North Texas, and not just at Christmas. "We have a big market for Thanksgiving tamales," said Cyndi Hall of Tamale Place of Texas, in Leander, near Austin. Although Ms. Hall said she's seen more families buy tamales than ever before, many still keep the tradition of coming together to make them. You can cook up a turkey breast or extra legs for tamales to have with the Thanksgiving meal, or make the tamales with leftover turkey for the long weekend. They aren't difficult, but they do take time, so the more hands you have for your assembly line, the quicker it goes. Corn husks and masa mix for tamales can be found in markets that sell Mexican ingredients; make sure you get the masa for tamales (Maseca is the most widely available brand), not the finer, drier tortilla masa harina. There is a 'Jump to State' button located on the left, if you're hunting for a particular part of the country. Enjoy.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
I'm trying to buy a copy of a famous Russian geometry textbook, Kiselev's Geometry (link to a recent English translation), in the original Russian. Any copy of any edition will do; in fact, a used copy would be mildly preferred. However, I speak no Russian whatsoever, so I'm having difficulty figuring out how to go about this, partly because I don't even know what to search for on a Russian-language site! How can I complete my task?I am, of course, aware of the PDF linked off the page above, as well as another (presumably legal?) electronic copy here. But I'd like to get my hands on a hardcopy -- it's slated to be a gift.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
I'm looking for a great spot to get away from New England for a New Year's beach vacation. I realize I'm booking last-minute so flights are expensive and lodging inventory is limited. Tulum is high on the list, but it doesn't seem possible to stay anywhere near the water for less than $500/night (which is WAY beyond my budget). Airbnb has places in town for around $1000/week which is well within reach. Would it be a fun/relaxing/rejuvenating beach vacation experience staying in town in Tulum, renting a car, and driving to the beach? if so, does the hive mind have any tips for staying in town? Also, what alternative destinations might I consider in order to get right on the water?If we end up staying in town in Tulum, are certain neighborhoods desirable and others shady? As for other possible destinations, I have found that airfare is also reasonable to San Juan and Nassau. Given that I want to avoid anything overly touristy and ideally enjoy a small town with lots of interesting things to see and good food to eat, are there other destinations to consider flying into these airports? Bonus points for any suggestions that involve non-touristy lodging right on the water.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Looking for a intercom and remote gate opener with control via the internet on a iPhone / iPad.Hi, We are moving into a house on a large property with a automated gate. I am looking for a solution where I can see who is at the gate and can talk tho this person. If needed open the gate remotely. The kicker is that I want to do this via our iOS devices or even Mac computers via the internet. I have found various solutions but not a complete package. I could kludge something with a web controlled relay like this X310 and a remote doorbell / camera like this "ring". Alternatively a security camera with a iOS interface. Still needing a solution for the "doorbell" and intercom via IP. Problem with this kludge is that it will require multiple apps and steps to reply to a call from the gate and open it. I came across the Samsung Digital Life products but can't seem to buy it in the US. Any suggestions? Smiles across the wires, Rogier

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
This one's for a friend, who's being driven mildly insane by not having a title for this movie. It's a foreign film, probably (but not definitely) Japanese, and it had subtitles. The two principal characters are two boys, one of whom goes to live with the family of the other. They're friends at first, including at school (a martial arts school?), but find themselves on opposite sides of war. One of them loses his hearing during the movie. By the end, the two characters reconcile. The final shot is of the now-deaf one on a beach.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
As part of a his new CNN series Somebody's Gotta Do It, and partnered with the My Baltimore campaign, Mike Rowe (of Dirty Jobs fame) is aiming to revamp Baltimore's image. However, Rowe might have pulled a McNulty earlier this month in referencing The Wire in launching his efforts, describing the PR work as "a straight-forward attempt to remind the masses that there's more to my hometown than heroin and gonorrhea." Learning not from Omar, Rowe was skewered by David Simon in a subsequent blog post. You can't even call this thing a war. He's not the only one with some ideas about what Baltimore means, but he's maybe the first to initiate an online firestorm. The Mike Rowe PR treatment has attracted some critics before, and the Dirty Jobs guy has been known to respond with some heat.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Just bought a house with a older Brinks Home security system. Well the previous owners had a Land-line and had the house monitored. When they moved out they disconnected the line and now the alarm is showing "CP Trouble" and beeping once every 45 seconds or so. We dont have a land-line nor plan on getting one. We also do not plan on having the alarm monitored but we like the door chime and being able to set the alarm. Even while set the CP problem is still there and beeps. I called Brinks and they said the only way to fix this was to disconnect the whole alarm system or get it monitored. I dont want to disconnect the alarm and I dont want it monitored. Does anyone know if there is a way to bypass this to stop the beeping?

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
"This year, give thanks by artfully assembling huge piles of fast food into a feast that will both thrill and disturb your loved ones."Buzzfeed invites you to their lovingly-styled The Most Epic Fast Food Thanksgiving Ever.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
My dog is scratching at her ear a lot but it doesn't fit any online definition of an infection. Is there anything I can do to help her or is it a vet thing?You are not my vet but Annie has started pawing at her ear a lot in the last week. It isn't red or smells bad. It seems clean. Everything I read says that infections present with these symptoms but she has none. I have never cleaned her ears and I just read that floppy eared dogs need that. Could that be an issue? If it is would pet store ear solution be proper or do I need specialty vet stuff? It has gotten cold here and she has been scratching a bit more all over in general and has a dryish coat so could it just be dry skin? Do dogs get dry skin? Can I alleviate that somehow? I have her on flea/tick medication during April to October as recommended by her old vet so it isn't that. She's my first dog (and the best dog!) and if you read my past questions you can see how my anxiety/depression spikes if I think I am hurting her so no comments about how I am horrible for asking here and not rushing her to the vet first please. **I am on disability so don't have a lot of money and the only savings I have are targeted for her yearly check up and shots that are due in February. I can borrow money tho from friends if she really needs to be seen by a vet but she really really is scared of the vets office and I have extreme phone anxiety about just giving them a call and asking this question especially since they only see her once a year**

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Should I stay or look for another job?3 years ago, my manager told me at the job interview that promotions don't happen so often in our department. Based on my observation, it takes about 7-8 years for the employee to become a "senior". I am only afraid that if I stay too long (7-8 years), I might not be able to compete in the job market if I were to look for another job because I haven't really learned a lot in my 3rd year at this place. If I find another job, I will most likely need to start from scratch and build my reputation all over. Another thing is that my manager appears to have someone in mind to become the next 'senior'. The other person is more outgoing but lack analysis/troubleshooting/detail oriented skills. I have all of those skill sets (even exceeding expectations) except I am not too outgoing. Our current senior is not really outgoing as well but has been here for 8-10 years. Either way, I don't see myself here until retirement. Advice? Note: I work in a medium sized company but 5 employees in our department. I've seen large organizations where people get promoted after 2-3 years but i'm afraid of layoffs.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Drawing names from a hat just doesn't work for our far flung family anymore. Have you used a website or app to distribute secret Santa names. It should have some way to keep spouses from getting each others' names. It would be nice if you could post a wishlist at the same site.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Er, a woman who tends to feel the cold, and who will spend falls/winters in the UK. How rainproof should it be? How warm should it be? Should it be brightly colored to avoid getting hit by a car in the fog?Difficulty level: must be synthetic, no down/feathers. Preferences: mid-thigh/knee length. Budget max $300 USD, but prefer to stay well below that. Definitely want something that will last for a long time, and can use many days of each year (is layering better, to maximize warm day water resistance?) The 3-in-1 jackets seem tricky and more work/expense than they're worth, but I'm open to hearing why they should be given a shot. Would also like something that is flexible for wearing to work, wearing out, etc. Many thanks for your recommendations!

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Imagine if the Seinfeld universe continued running, even though regular broadcasts ceased in 1998. That's what you have in this episode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, written by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, and directed by Larry David.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
Last year I burned "fake" logs made out of coffee grounds to great effect. This year - the company has "new and improved" logs which don't seem to throw as much heat. Any suggestions on what else I can burn in the fireplace? I can't burn firewood because my wife doesn't like the smell/odor it gives off, but was perfectly content with the coffee-based version. Any suggestions on how to simply get more heat out of the fireplace? Not too interested in an insert/stove/expensive upgrade at this stage.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
A few months ago I read/watched youtube previews for a spaceship simulator type PC game, where you flew around in battleship/capital ship style warships, kind of like Battlestar Galactica scale, against other players in their own capital ships. What was this game?The preview video was 3rd person chase camera, and I remember thinking that it looked interesting, but that the ships looked oddly out of place flying in a planetary atmosphere in the preview, rather than open space. That may have been a design decision, because the 3rd dimension z-axis movement looked pretty limited. I cannot seem to find the preview video again, or remember what it was called to check on how the development is coming along and if it has a release date. Does this ring any bells for anyone? I want to say it was an indie studio type developer, but that's about all I remember.

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
From The New Yorker: "Depth on the Dance Floor: The Music of DJ Sprinkles." Some music to listen to while reading Joshua Rothman's profile: Oh Yoko's Seashore (Sprinkles' Ambient Ballroom) Kami-Sakunobe House Explosion's Routes Not RootsTerre Thaemlitz & Laurence Rassel's The Laurence Rassel Show DJ Sprinkles' mix album Where Dancefloors Stand Still (YT playlist of individual tracks)Bill Laswell & Terre Thaemlitz's "Open URL"

Read More...
posted 3 days ago on metafilter
When is fortune-telling a crime? When it's prosecuted as fraud. But fortune-telling fraud—a long and highly orchestrated con designed to sap huge sums of money from trusting victims—falls into a different category than fortune-telling alone, and it can lead to far more serious charges. In recent years, landmark verdicts have convicted self-proclaimed psychics of crimes ranging from grand larceny to federal wire fraud, and resulted in multiyear prison sentences on top of the standard restitution orders.

Read More...