posted 4 days ago on metafilter
There's a professional conference I attended most years, but wasn't planning on going to this summer because I'll be 35, almost 36 weeks pregnant at the time. Now there's a chance for me to present at the conference, which would be great professionally, and I just want to be sure I'm thinking this through before turning it down. This is my first pregnancy so I don't have anything to compare it to.The conference location is far enough away that I would need to fly - it'd be about 4 hours of flight time, including one layover and plane change. I haven't gotten a chance to see what my Ob/Gyn's general policy is, but from what I've read 35 weeks is on the edge for air travel, and I'd need to get the okay from them and probably a note for the airline the week of travel. Right now everything with my pregnancy is normal, but I'm only 13 weeks in. I worry about spending the money registering and booking flights and hotels, but also committing to presenting as part of a panel and then not being able to make it. What's realistic here?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I'm a new user of an electric toothbrush and starting experience a localized spot of gum tenderness/sensitivity. As of two days ago, I have been informed that I have a receding gumline and exposed root on one tooth. This hasn't been a problem before. Could my use of an electric toothbrush be to blame?Odd question, I know. And I'm expecting the same answers that my dentist provided (i.e. "It's hard to tell.") But I'm obsessing a little over the future of my teeth and how I need to take care of them to prevent further problems. I have mediocre/average dentation: approximately four or five cavities from my late teenage tears when I didn't think brushing my teeth required too much time & a couple more in my early twenties when I neglected them for a period while I suffered from a crippling period of bad depression/anxiety. In the present day, I floss daily and brush twice a day. I have been told I have mild gingivitis, but it has improved. I was using a manual toothbrush with soft bristles, but bought myself an electric toothbrush for Christmas (and at my dental hygienist's recommendation). It's the Oral B Pro 1000, if that makes a difference. For the past few weeks a specific spot on my gumline has been tender, but I chalked it up to... something: a possible abrasion, food particle, maybe a forming cavity in the area? And then I was eating a piece of candy (yeah, super great for your teeth), and had a sharp pain in the area. Immediately thoughts of cavities came to mind, so off to the dentist I went. No cavity in site, but the root is becoming exposed in the area. So what's the deal? My dentist was not particularly helpful in offering recommendations for my cleaning routine. He just recommended using Sensodyne. I already brush gently (or at least I think I do). Overall, I'm feeling gun shy about my electric toothbrush. Currently went back to using a manual toothbrush and trying to look up information, which hasn't been as fruitful as I would like. Anyone have similar issues with electric toothbrushes? Or is it just a occurring from previous poor dental habits and not actually correlated to my new electric toothbrush use?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
What are the best examples of successful products / companies with a licensing model that releases code to the dev community allowing them to operate a small instance for $0, however, if an instance scales over a threshold, then the licensing model introduces charging on a per instance / per size / per traffic basis?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Dr. McNinja, the comedy/action webcomic created, written and mostly drawn by Christopher Hastings, has come to the end of its 12½ year saga (previously here, soon after it started). In his adventures he has defeated an Evil Fast Food Clown, Dracula, and a dimension-hopping King from the Radical Lands, with his allies including his McNinja family, the clone of Ben Franklin, a gorilla, a velociraptor and a 12-year-old boy with an awesome mustache. Hastings is now busy writing dead-tree comics, including the Adventure Time series, The Unbelievable Gwenpool and other Marvel projects. And he doesn't hire night janitors either.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
"A bird lands outside my window. I invite him in to learn about algebra. He declines and flies away. I hope a cat eats him. #Classwatch2017" A moment in the sad, lonely school day of Adam Heath Avitable ([email protected]).

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
"The Kingdom of speech" is a literary Sharknado of error and self-satisfaction, with borderline racism and anti-Semitism mixed in. In which E.J. Spode reviews Tom Wolfe's latest book, with special guest appearances by George Lyell and Ali G. (via)

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
i've been approved for a good-sized, mostly affordable apartment in a neighborhood that i love. moving in will conflict with an especially busy time at work and will entail breaking my current lease (and some attendant expense). but it's a neighborhood that i've lived in before and love. should i take it?i lived in the same apartment in boerum hill in brooklyn for 17 years before finally being priced out in 2014. i loved living there - access to shops and restaurants, lots of transportation, jogging on the brooklyn bridge, etc. it felt like home, after all those years. i moved with sad resignation, grateful for the time that i was able to spend there. i landed in bed-stuy, in a pretty cool apartment. the neighborhood has its charms but its nowhere near as easy or nice as boerum hill (i'm dependent on the a/c trains; although the restaurant/bar situation is improving it still leaves a bit to be desired; and i was mugged last year). i've always harbored dreams of moving back to boerum hill, although i generally relegated them to dream status on account of the skyrocketing rents. but i'd keep a casual eye on streeteasy to see if something arose. part of the problem is that i'm 46 (ie would really rather avoid non-romantic roommates) and a professional musician - so i'm around the apartment a lot and i have a lot of gear. i not only want an affordable apartment in a nice neighborhood, i want a big and affordable apartment in a nice neighborhood. not asking too much, right? now, i'm just about to start a new gig, on broadway, where things will be impossibly intense through mid-march. this is all good - i really like my job and am excited about it. i just need to prepare to have very little flexibility for the next 6 weeks. also, although we all have reason to believe that this new show is going to do pretty well, no one can say for sure. there are no guarantees for how long i'll be employed. that said, i've been at this racket for about 15 years, so i'm a known quantity - you can't take work for granted, but i'm also not a newcomer. and that works in my favor, work-wise. in the eventuality that new gig ends earlier than we all hope. anyway, on one of my casual glances at streeteasy, i found the impossible - an apartment in boerum hill for an amount that is doable albeit at the high end of things for me (about 30% more than i'm paying now) but i think i can still swing. the apartment itself is nice, but just that - it's not a mind-blower, love-at-first-sight situation. it definitely has enough room for me and my guitars. it's perfectly located - it's around the corner from the beloved address i lived at for 17 years! the problem is that the move date lands right in the middle of my intense work schedule, of course. and more frustratingly, the whole situation reeks a bit of impulse - i'm accustomed to thinking of nyc real estate and a sisyphean struggle, whereas this just fell in my lap. surely i can't be THAT lucky, can i? also - although i think i can swing the rent now, as it increases over the years it will become unfeasible before too long - and then i'll likely need to move again. so i'm struggling with how to juggle all of these things. totally doable apartment for acceptable rent in a fantastic neighborhood at a shitty time... or else sit tight, give myself some breathing room, look around a little longer, and wait to pull the trigger - even at the expense of moving back to my most desired neighborhood. and i'm feeling a little overwhelmed by it all! does this make sense? do you good people have any objectivity and/or wisdom to offer me?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I'm a straight female, early 30s. I've dated plenty of guys, nearly all of them smarter and more accomplished than myself. I have never - not for one moment - felt that any of them was just interested in my body... until now. I've lately been involved with a new guy my age, and he's very complimentary and touchy-feely and seems genuinely to be a HUGE fan of my body. Sometimes he will just stop and stare at me, like a tourist at Niagara Falls... or like someone beholding the most attractive person on Earth (which I certainly am not)... or like someone about to marry his bride after years of dating and growing into soulmates (which we are not, after a handful of dates). He has complimented almost every part of my body, including parts nobody has ever complimented before because they aren't all that special. I mention that we're the same age to rule out any sort of older man / younger woman dynamic that people might otherwise identify as the culprit here. At first I thought he was insincere, some kind of Don Juan turning on the charm, but now - for reasons too complicated to list here - I do think he's genuinely very attracted to me. To my PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, that is. This guy is in a state of heightened physical arousal whenever we're together. He cannot hug me without becoming "hard" and sort of involuntarily grinding against me. (I don't have a wealth of dating experience, but... is this normal? Maybe in some subset of the population?) We have not yet had sex but there's been some clothing removal and rounding of bases, and if I undress to any degree he first commands me to "hold still" while he moves a few paces away and just stares at me, as though committing the image to memory. It was flattering at first but HELLO I HAVE A PERSONALITY TOO. He has never complimented anything about me other than my appearance. If I say something clever or witty he doesn't really seem to react. We don't have deep conversations, and I can't help but feel he's *distracted* by my appearance while we are together and can only focus on that to the exclusion of other things. Maybe I'm naive to think that other men do care about inner qualities - after all, lots of brilliant men marry pretty but non-brilliant women, and it's almost seen as an exchange of different goods of equal value - and my own witty, literary, musical brother is in love with his quiet, stolid, unintellectual, hobbyless girlfriend (she is absolutely stunning). But I've never had this problem before, and have never EVER wondered - while dating brilliant, accomplished men - if they were "just in it for the physical attraction." Am I overthinking this? Is he like other guys, only he's clumsily unfiltered and indiscreet? I was flattered at first but it's starting to feel sort of impersonal and animalistic. I also worry that we can't have intellectual conversations, which is for me one of the main benefits of a romantic relationship. I'm probably going to stop seeing this guy, but I wonder if this is something I shouldn't worry about in the future. Maybe I should be grateful to find someone so viscerally attracted to my body, someone who sees my flaws through rose-colored glasses. I'll miss this if the next guy - hopefully a brainier type than this one - rarely throws a compliment my way.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
My two-year-old loves to play in running faucets for long periods of time (usually "washing" things like plastic plates or his hands), but I don't like to let the water run indefinitely for cost and conservation reasons. I got this little aquarium pump and it has nicely solved this problem. I fill the sink, stick the pump in and attach aquarium tubing to it, and he uses the tubing like a hose to do his "washing".Are there safety risks to doing this? I'm thinking mainly of electrical shocks if the unit malfunctions. There don't seem to be moving parts (like fans or blades) that he could touch. The unit does get somewhat hot sometimes, but not such that it would burn him. He's supervised when he's using it, so I'm less worried about stuff he could do to the unit, and more about if the unit could malfunction and shock him suddenly.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Starting tomorrow, I will be fostering this little guy, a 12-week old dalmatian mix. He's deaf, and I have zero experience working with deaf dogs. As per the rescue group's requirements, I'll be taking him to puppy socialization classes (yay!) but I think the training is going to be up to me. Can anyone offer any advice or suggest resources that might be helpful? Also, I'd love to hear some name suggestions.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
This is like name that tune with barely any lyrics, but instead it's a cartoon from the 80's or 90's that I remember only one scene of.Scene involved what I believe was an anthropomorphic animal, maybe a wolf or a big cat, female, squinting her eyes and saying "We fight" in a menacing way. It was definitely in response to an either/or question, where the answer was "We fight." Would have been in the US, late 80's or early 90's. Definitely a cartoon, could have been a cartoon movie but more likely a serialized Saturday morning cartoon. Youtube scene would be amazing, but even some leads on what cartoons to pursue would help. Maybe you can jog my memory more?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I'll be attending multiple Sundance Film Festival screenings, but I get pretty fidgity throughout movies. Any ideas for enjoying the experience more?The Sundance Film Festival is right in my backyard and every year I get excited about trying to catch as many films as I can, only to find myself becoming increasingly restless and fidgity during screenings. I definitely have this issue watching movies at home as well, but there I can pause and take breaks or use my phone for a minute without bothering anyone. And at the cinema I avoid sitting close to anyone so I can wiggle around a lot, but Sundance screenings are packed and I don't want to bother people sitting next to me with my leg bouncing and fidgity habits. I am trying to prepare myself this time around with a few ideas for getting through so much screen time without feeling so restless. A few things I'm going to try are taking in a small lap blanket to feel a little more cozy, and maybe pressing my back up against a tennis ball on the theater seats (or sitting on it) and subtly shifting my weight around a bit to relieve muscle tension and get a little movement in without being distracting. I wanted to see if anyone here might have additional suggestions? Thank you, thank you!

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Prior to our summer holiday recently (here in Australia), I had suggested, well really on the suggestion of my partner, that we (me, my partner and her two boys 12 & 15 yo) meet my sister and her son (13 yo) somewhere on the coast between our respective cities. We met them for a few days last year and everyone had fun, especially the kids.Last year was slightly different - we were driving from their city, Sydney to our city, Melbourne and it was a pretty handy stop off on the way down the coast. (Though before arriving at said place she did tell us that we could only stay two nights after all because she and her then partner needed some them time) So, last year in about September I broached my sister about a possible upcoming trip very carefully, knowing that she is not so great at just saying no to things, and I said things like, 'I totally understand if you don't want to', 'there's no pressure', 'hanging out with a couple can be painful I get it', etc etc but we thought it could be fun to have a holiday together on the coast somewhere between our cities And she was very much like 'sure, we'll stay for a good chunk of it'. So my partner and I went ahead and booked a three bedroom place to accommodate us all and at a place that was, well much closer to them than us. An 8 hour drive for us, 6 for them. Long either way, I guess. But not long before Christmas sister sent me an email saying, 'so we're just staying a couple of days'.... and made up some excuse about going somewhere else with her getting back together with partner. And now, I should have said, 'WTF, we're driving all that way, and we've rented a big house for us and you're staying a couple of days?!'. But, no, and I beat myself up for not being more forthright, but I've had experiences in the past with sister where I've tried to express anger and she basically flies back in a rage at me. Last time over a family matter (another thing, our family is extremely splintered, dysfunctional and I've had years of therapy because of my experiences within it). I had disagreed with her about something and she got so angry and didn't speak to me for a year. So, there's that fear I have, but also I just wish I could be honest. I actually really prize and value honesty in relationships and thought that after some rough times our relationship had evolved a bit. She didn't apologise or anything. She came down the coast with her newly reinstated partner and his daughter and all was fine. The kids had lots of fun. Everything was nice and easy. But I still felt annoyed, and still do now, and I know the value of getting things out in the open (well, I've had years of therapy) but I just can't seem to do this, especially now time has elapsed, she'll be even more cranky. So a month later, still annoyed that we were just brushed off like that and spent an entire day in the car with two teenage boys when we could have driven 3 for a perfectly fine beach holiday! We usually email eachother pretty regularly, but I find I just can't be interested in daily conversation when I'm still annoyed. How do I get over this?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
It's like a fish penthouse where your fish can get above your pond waterline. Some others. The Romaurie effect.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Dr. Zandria Robinson writes in memory of her father. The article, a finalist for the National Magazine award, is part of her memoir-in-progress. Listen to Dr. Robinson read part of the work here.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I ordered a Plated delivery that was supposed to arrive on Wednesday and they say the food is good in its box until midnight on the delivery date. Well, my package got delayed and arrived at 6pm on Thursday.The food comes in a carboard box with two filled frozen packs that covered the bottom of the box -- both were still frozen solid -- and the box was lined with an insulation that appeared to be cardboard and paper bits in plastic. The food arrived sort of cold, but not as cold as in a fridge, obviously. The food didn't appear to be ruined -- I have not yet opened everything up and given a thorough inspection -- but items of note that I am not sure if I should worry about: • raw pizza dough • (very soft) burrata cheese • ball of mozzarella cheese • (semi-slimy) pre-cubed butter squash • arugula • dinosaur kale • bok choy I'm not sure if there's anything I should toss out of an abundance of caution or not. So, it's time for everyone's favorite game: Would. You. Eat it?! My gastrointestinal system thanks you in advance.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
"There have been some amazing military innovations over the years: freeze-dried food for MREs, jet aircraft, rail guns, and the soul-sucking website, Army Knowledge Online. But none of these compare to the simplest, most wonderful invention known to mankind: the poncho liner, affectionately known by all those who have felt its life-giving warmth as the 'woobie.'" Related, previously: It's not cold outside; you just don't know how to dress.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I've got an electric pressure cooker (Instant Pot knockoff; I think it's this one) that came with a non-stick coating on the inner pot, which is now starting to flake off. Can I just pop in one of Instant pot's replacement inner pots? How forgiving of slight differences in dimension are these things?On the Amazon description for the replacement pot they seem quite adamant that it "does not fit any other brands", which, seriously? It's a pot. That said, I am not super keen to spend $40+ on a pot that doesn't quite fit (too large and I can't get it in; too small and I have visions of like, pressurized food flying out of a not-quite-perfectly-sealed pot). I found Instant Pot's specifications for the dimensions for the inner pot, but they're frustratingly imprecise. Hope me?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I've been running WordPress on my personal domain for about a decade, if not more, and lately it's been getting worse. I want to replace it with something, but I don't know what, since I haven't been keeping up with what the cool kids are using to blog these days. (Something about static blog generators?) Special Snowflake Stuff inside.Okay, so, there's a few prerequisites I need to establish for whatever the hell I jump ship to. Has to be self-hosted. I'm not switching to Medium or Squarespace. Has to be installable on DreamHost. I'm not switching hosts, at least not yet. Has to have some way to import my WordPress posts Ideally has a decent enough theme engine that I could essentially reuse my existing WordPress theme with a minimum of fuss. I'm at a loss. I'm tech-savvy enough to go through hoops, but I'm time constrained and lazy enough to not bother. If WordPress hadn't just made me absolutely apocalyptic trying to fix a bunch of errors due to failed plugin updates, I wouldn't even be looking to change.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I switched therapists about four months ago when I moved. I was with Pete for just under a year and *loved* him. New lady is very different, but I wanted to give her a fair chance. However I find now that I often leave therapy angrier than when I went in. Is this normal? Is there something up with me, that it might actually be beneficial for me to stick this out? If not- how do I leave?Pete used strengths-based psychotherapy. I came in with ADHD, depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive symptoms. I had recently accepted that I'm bisexual, but I wasn't out to my family. I was a wreck. Pete never told me what to do. He never suggested there might be some fucked up underlying cause behind my crazy relationships or my vices. I learned a lot from those experiences (polyamory, BDSM, soft drugs) It was Pete's guidance thru that, that helped me become the more integrated, emotionally mature person that I believe myself to be today. Janice is... a hardass. She sees both aneurotypical high performers (yours truly) and severely personality-disordered low-income folks. She gives her patients life homework and checks up on them. She always demands to know, whenever I tell her a thought or a habit, "What function does that serve?" When I came to her I was in an admittedly toxic relationship that was also the strongest chemistry I've ever had. She talked shit about him constantly and questioned my judgment for ever having started to date the guy, given red flags like being unemployed and living with parents (in my defense he had just repatriated.) She was totally right to tell me to get the fuck out of it--but I can't help thinking that Pete would have, well, trusted me enough to let me come to that on my own. Recently I told her I'm identifying as a political lesbian, for several reasons: (1) feminist politics, (2) aforementioned previous relationship unearthed a really unhealthy tendency to use men in my life as a punching bag for all my frustrations about patriarchy, which isn't fair to them or healthy for me, (3) having only come out recently I want to spend more time dating women, and (4) most of the bi girls here seem to be opposite-sex partnered and looking for thirds or side-chicks, whereas I am looking for serious partners. Well, instead of telling me she was proud of me, or even just saying "OK well we'll see how that goes," she had to take the opportunity to pry further into that decision, to speculate out loud "why I feel the need to limit myself," "surely you can't think all men are like that," (sorry gents but I PRETTY MUCH DO) "shouldn't you just try and be happy with whomever you find, whether that's a man or a woman?" And it felt like she was trying to talk me out of calling myself a lesbian. Like I was only doing it because there's something deeply fucked inside of me that has nothing to do with my actual sexual/dating preferences (and then I guess it follows that if I sorted my shit out, I would start dating men again?? which trivializes even my bisexuality) Then she kept pushing and pushing me about how this all relates to my need for control (which I KNOW is the primary problem in my life thankyouthatswhyimhere) and basically wouldn't stop til I broke down crying--then seemed surprised and sympathetic because "you're usually so aloof," like she had no idea that pushing on my weak spots would cause me to break. I am just flummoxed because NONE of this EVER happened to be before. Pete let me work through my shit but he didn't feel the need to call me out on it. He never pushed me farther than I wanted to go. Sometimes I feel like Janice just wants me to follow HER advice, be who SHE thinks I ought to be. So I guess querying the hivemind... based on the slivers of experience I've shared above, is this typical for other people's experience of therapy? is it possible my own psychiatric conditions have biased my sentiments against her? And if not... how do I break up with her?

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Recent situations have shown me that I am not helpful enough and that I'm being selfish.I am annoyed when people ask me for favors. I'm in my early twenties and live with my parents rent free and I'm still not grateful enough to help some more around the house. Right now I live with relatives who have recently immigrated and I've become resentful of all the things I have to do for them. (filling out paperwork, driving them to places, etc.) I have this fear of a loss of control and that they will take advantage of me. I rarely go out of my way to help others, although I do have empathy for those in bad situations. I scored 37% on the egoism/altruism test by psychology today. Help me be less annoyed and want to be more helpful!

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
Asking for a friend: he remembers watching a animated series online a long time ago where there was a cat who had a feminine yet very childlike voice but did these amazing insightful interviews with scholars and scientists. He remembers nothing else but is dying to see these again. My googling keeps pulling up critiques on vocal fry or "how to be a female in animation" stuff. Anyone else remember this series? (We were talking about Maria Branford to give an example of the vocal type)

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
"Ferrer was the son of top 1950s singer Rosemary Clooney and actor Jose Ferrer, and first cousin to George Clooney."

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
The headscarf has been banned, made mandatory, hailed as a symbol of religious virtue, accepted as a means of controlling female sexuality, and politicized by governments and colonizers across the world. Manipulated and misinterpreted, it is seen as both a sign of liberation and imprisonment, of progress and regression. It's a source of friction both outside and inside the communities that wear it.

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posted 4 days ago on metafilter
I recently started a side business. I already own another relatively successful business, and I want to operate this second one as kind of an occasional thing, just to explore for now and maybe grow down the road. Both businesses are consultancies. How do I communicate this dual-operation situation without scaring people off or sounding like a jack of all trades?I will be discussing this situation with existing clients and colleagues, and I want to prepare for that. I'm hoping that my potential clients, existing clients, and colleagues will: - Understand that I have multiple specialties and that's just a thing some people do - Understand that I'm doing this seriously - Not fear that I'll cease operating my main business (I like it and plan to continue), as it provides important online communications software and infrastructure for many organizations. I'd appreciate any perspectives on this. My first business is a web communications consultancy, and the second business is an individual coaching thing where I specialize in helping people find themselves, connect with potential new interests, escape from anxiety, etc. I hold certifications relevant to both businesses, and have clients in both as well, though far fewer in the newer one.

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