posted 2 days ago on metafilter
So, I'm having coffee with a polyamorous women who is potentially interested in submitting to me. Help me guess what she might mean, ahead of time, so I can be more fluent when we talk. (Trigger warning: graphic consensual violence.)I am going to overthink this a bit. :) So, this woman is polyamorous. It's unclear at this stage whether she's interested in something casual or potentially interested in developing a long-term, emotional connection. She's described herself as only "slightly kinky," and that she's missing out on feeling submissive in her long-term relationship. Linked off of my okcupid profile, I described intense sex acts (hitting, verbal abuse, etc.) as examples of "ideal" acts to gradually work up to over time, long-term. But, my question is, I don't really have a good model for what she might be interested in, short-term, if there's a second date, fifth date, we eventually take some clothes off, etc. In my last relationship, my girlfriend was actually pretty vanilla, too. So, we worked up to some stuff over years. Graphic: Through lots of laughter, and trial and error, we got to the point where I could, without asking, gauge her readiness and carefully slap her during sex, and it would increase her arousal and enjoyment. And, non-sexually, we were eventually punching each other (relatively) hard, all the time, and laughing like crazy. She was half the size of me, so I'm just mentioning this in that I do have experience and comfort with controlled, mutual physicality involving another person. So, I do have experience talking about this stuff and doing it a little bit, and I'm definitely up for more. But it's actually hard for me to visualize what a slow ramp-up could look like? Of course, I'll ask, but I'd like to be prepared with discussion points of my own. I do have a bit of a fear of being caught flat-footed. I had a friendly, talkative, casual "kinky" encounter, recently. We discussed physical stuff, briefly. And, then, like every 20 seconds, I was asking, "Is this ok? Can I squeeze here? Can I hit you there? Was that too hard?" I mean we were kissing so intensely I almost chipped a tooth, but with the other physical stuff, I'm more hesitant because there was less cultural common ground. She actually got a little exasperated, which is her problem. But it made me think I don't quite have a grasp of the "culture," if there is one (or many). I think what *I* would like, all things being equal, is for this new person to assume various positions and hold them for many minutes at a time. And I would dictate eye contact. And I would gently and carefully explore every inch of her body with eyes and fingers. I mean, intense in many senses, but also pretty low-key. But I worry she'll get bored, or I won't notice if she gets bored, and I won't know how much and when to check in with her. Or maybe she'll find it arousing to disregarded and bored, etc. Basically, yes, I want to do what I want. And I want her to feel like I'm doing what I want. But I also want her to feel safe, very aroused, and emotionally connected, afterwards. So, she says she likes the "mental/emotional aspects" and "shutting up her inner control freak" and "enjoying the ride." Very early in getting to know someone, what do you think she might (or might not) have in mind? What are some example scenarios, or baby-steps towards more intense scenarios, that she might be interested in, that you could guess at?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
As per previous questions, I continue to be in the market for a used vehicle.. passed on the last two vehicles. Here's another problematic case. Mechanic found accident damage. What to do?This beauty is a used car from a rental fleet - a 2012 with about 40,000 miles. It's a very reliable make and model, but no longer under the manufacturer's warranty due to the mileage. It has the features I want, is a nice car, being sold about $1000 under value. The dealer is offering a 1 year powertrain warranty. Great. Had a clean Autocheck. Great! Took it to my mechanic.. not so great. Mechanic tells me that the car has definitely been in an accident -- one of the doors, he tells me, has been repaired, repainted and the repair work was not perfect either (it doesn't close as easily as all of the other doors). I also noticed during the test drive that when I tested the brakes (came to an abrupt stop), the brake pedal shuddered and made a loud noise. My mechanic said that he thinks the brakes pass inspection but the rotars probably need replacement (I have no idea what that really means). Overall, mechanic said that if I want to save money (and I do), the car might be a good investment -- If I don't plan on re-selling it anytime soon. His main concern was that the accident damage would mean the car would be undervalued at re-sale (or trade in) time. Safety wise, he wasn't worried. He thought the rotars could be fixed with $500 of work - so he suggests negotiating the price down. The dealer denies that there was an accident (but admits it's possible a renter damaged it and had it fixed). Said he'd have the mechanics take a look at the brakes and fix anything that was amiss. (Great?) Well the mechanics come back and say they can't find anything wrong. Dealer offers to chop off $500 from the price. I'm not sure what to do. I could keep shopping (leaning toward this), but I am getting so tired of shopping. If my mechanic is right -- that the brake pedal issue can be fixed and that the car is otherwise basically fine -- then I'm wondering if I shouldn't just get it. There's the 1 year warranty and the mechanic is pretty trustworthy. He should be able to take care of the brake thing, no? On the other hand, I hate the idea of buying a car and then having to get work done. That seems like a really fucking stupid idea. On the non-existent third hand, I hate the idea of continuing to shop, too. There might be one other option for getting the same make/model, but it's a bit outside of my budget. So.. what to do? Continue shopping.. or just get this thing?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Berkeley Students Rally To Remove Bill Maher As Commencement Speaker following critical comments about Islam. "Freedom of speech, freedom to practice any religion you want without fear of violence, freedom to leave a religion, equality for women, equality for minorities, including homosexuals, these are liberal principles that liberals applaud for," Maher said, "but then when you say in the Muslim world this is what's lacking, then they get upset." In what began as a debate over Islam between Maher, Sam Harris, and Ben Affleck on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, tensions rose. Bonus, deeper debate: The Young Turk's Cenk Uygur and Sam Harris continue the conversation Reza Aslan and Sam Harris debate Islam Where it gets weird: one of Harris' detractors, Salon columnist C.J. Werleman, gets embroiled into a pissing match with Harris, and gets outed as a plagiarist and caught red-handed trying to manipulate social media to his side

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Mark Kozelek aka Sun Kil Moon is a personality. Recently he played the Ottawa folk festival and there was sound bleed from another strage from the band The War on Drugs. This irritated Kozelek and he wrote a song about it. It had mixed results. Kozelek has apparently been watching the Internet for mention of him and The War on Drugs because the second diss track has been released based on the criticism Kozelek has received.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm looking for books, TV shows, and movies that avoid dark or scary themes (especially the subject of death), but would still be interesting for a bright 8-year-old. Specific recommendations and wider resources are all welcome.Common Sense Media helps, but it doesn't seem to have details on a lot of the books I am looking up. She tears through chapter books at a rate of 1/week minimum, so series/author suggestions would be great. Game and websites suggestions are also welcome. She loves science, fantasy, and adventure.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I recently bought an xbox one. I play fifa online on my ps4 and want to maximize potential performance on that. I setup ip passthrough/default server so that all traffic is allowed on the x1 and network section shows open nat. I'm trying to figure out what I should do about the ps4? Will manually port forwarding the ports here http://help.ea.com/en/article/what-online-ports-should-i-open-for-fifa-15/ cause any problems?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My kids have asked me how to say a few things in English, but I realize the only terms I know were the racist terms used back when I was a kid. What are the current, non-offensive terms for these activities?1) Ringing someone's doorbell and then running away. 2) Giving something to someone but then demanding they give it back. Also, my kids haven't asked about it, but this thread got me curious: 3) Stopping at a red light, having everybody in the car jump out, run around the car a few times, and jump back in before the light turns green.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm a project manager and I'm completing my e-Learning Design and Development certificate. A lot of my projects have included a training component and I want to expand my skills in that area. I'm reaching out to see if any Mefi e-Learning professionals have any advice for a newbie or experiences, good or bad, they'd like share.What challenges did you encounter with rolling out an LMS and how did your PM perform? What learning trends are you excited about? Do you have any recommendations to get ahead of the curve, i.e. go learn xyz and abc? I'm trying to work through how to proceed professionally. The lack of e-Learning experience is starting to worry me. Thanks.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Several years ago, in the vicinity of 2004-2006, I spoke with a former classmate of mine who was just returning from a deployment in Afghanistan or Iraq. He described a technique his unit would employ on foot patrols to disable (he said blow up) cars or trucks.The technique involved placing a small bead of mercury in a hollowed out aspirin capsule, and then placing the capsule in the gas tank of the car - once the car was started, the bead of mercury would ping around until sucked through the fuel lines and into the engine, where it would explode. I just recalled this conversation today, so it's possible I have revised the memory slightly, but I'm certain of that the substance involved was mercury, and that it was inserted through the gas tank. My question is: was my classmate full of shit? Is there a technique close to this that he or I misunderstood?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I sometimes like to use earplugs, but I always end up just listening to my blood loudly pulsing around in my head. This is not ideal. Does anyone have recommendations for earplugs that actually make things quiet, instead of just replacing ambient noise with the noise of my heartbeat?My work environment often has a lot of background noise from machines, people talking to each other, conversations happening in the hallway, etc. It's nothing crazy, but I'm an easily-distracted type and also, I think, somewhat more sensitive to background noise than most people. Thus, the noise sometimes makes it very hard for me to concentrate. Since there's not really a way to avoid the noise and I don't feel that the people around me are being unreasonably noisy under the circumstances, I sometimes resort to earplugs in order to help myself concentrate. (Headphones are also an option, but sometimes I really prefer silence rather than music or even white noise.) Problem is, all the earplugs I've tried seem only to exchange the ambient environmental noise for the sound of of my blood pumping through the arteries around my ear canals. It's not so bad at first, but after a little while it starts to seem quite loud (presumably my brain is trying to compensate for the quiet by turning up the gain) and I have to take the plugs out as it becomes in itself an unpleasant and distracting noise. Has anybody else had this problem, and found earplugs that didn't cause it for them? I think the issue may be exacerbated by the fact that my earholes are on the small side and so plugs tend to press pretty firmly against the walls of my ear canals. So far I've mostly just gone for the plugs with the highest available noise attenuation rating (i.e. those neon orange ones you can get in a big sack at Home Depot) but I'm starting to think that I may need something a little smaller, or squishier. Do you have any recommendations? As a bonus, it would be nice to have plugs that allow the noise that does still reach my ear to come through relatively undistorted. I've gazed with interest upon the webpages for "high-fidelity earplugs" (these, for example) but they're comparatively expensive (albeit reusable), have poor noise attenuation compared to normal plugs, and I don't know that they wouldn't just cause the same problems that regular plugs cause. If anybody has any experience in that area I'd love to know about it. Thanks very much in advance; your advice and recommendations are sincerely appreciated.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Condensation pours down walls if I try and cook stews, risottos or even boil pasta in my small kitchen even with the (tiny) window and/or extractor fan on maximum. Can't get cooker hood vented to outside. How can I adapt my cooking to keep condensation to a minimum?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Evgeny Morozov writes for the New Yorker: The Planning Machine, on Project Cybersyn (previously) and Big Data. Greg Grandin in The Nation responds: The Anti-Socialist Origins of Big Data

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Speaking of global memes... it started first in California, where a man dressed as a clown has been threatening people with an axe. And then it spread to France, where armed clowns have been assaulting people all over the country. Where will this horror strike next? (Me, I think they're space aliens.)

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
FACT magazine runs down the 100 greatest horror soundtracks (that's a lot of horror soundtracks). Also, there's a companion streamable YouTube playlist.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Just in time for the new season, it's The NBA Fan's Guide to Talking Trash During Pickup Basketball

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Lauren Davis rounds up webcomics to give you thrills and chills on io9, calling out 18 specifically, then listing additional titles in some of the descriptions. The Last Halloween by Abby Howard, with references to Paranatural, Eerie Cuties, College Roomies from Hell!!!, and Bite Me! Split Lip by Sam Costello and various artists Broodhollow by Kris Straub (previously, twice) The works of Emily Carroll (previously, twice, thrice, Valentine's Day edition, and once more for good measure) The Last Trick-or-Treaters by RK Milholland The Fox Sister by Christina Strain and Jayd Aït-Kaci Gunshow's Horror Comics by KC Green False Positive by Mike Walton (previously) Crossed: Wish You Were Here (NSFW) by Si Spurrier, Javier Barreno, and Fernando Melek (mentioned previously) The Zombie Hunters by Jenny Romanchuk Judecca (sometimes NSFW) by Jonathan Meecham and Noora Heikkilä Agnes Quill by Dave Roman and various artists (previously) The Abaddon by Koren Shadmi Lovecraft is Missing by Larry Latham (previously) Stand Still. Stay Silent by Minna Sundberg (previously) The Stiff by Jason Thompson The comics of Ryan Andrews The Bongcheon-Dong Ghost (Not Safe for Pants) by Studio Horang, and Ok-su Station Ghost, from the comments.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Help me discover a place in the greater Bay Area I can go for a few days to focus on a writing project.Quiet is necessary, an internet connection is not, a natural setting is a plus but not necessary either. Cheaper is better (like $125 a night or less, preferably less). I'd prefer not to travel more than two hours from Berkeley. I don't mind traveling hardly at all; getting out of the house and my routine is more important than going a long way from home. Great Airbnb places I should know about? Anything else?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I have a bunch of big onions. I want to make something you can't make with small onions. Does such a recipe exist?Got them for something not-size-specific I didn't end up making, and now am left with five onions that are bigger than my fist and weigh about 400g each. Rather than chop them up and use one huge onion where I would normally use two regular sized ones, I am looking for onion-centric or onion-heavy recipes where size does matter. My cooking skills are above boiling water but below preparing multi-course meals for foreign dignitaries. I have access to a regular-sized non-fancy kitchen. Bonus points for something I can make in single-person sized batches.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I had sinus surgery this week and still have splints in my nose. The weather changed today and now the pressure in my face is too much to bear. Please help!I've taken the Rx painkillers and done the nasal irrigation and everything else I can think of, but the pressure in my face is so strong that it's still incredibly painful. I also have to concentrate and do at least some work today, but obviously haven't been able to so far, seeing as I've been busy sitting here pressing my hands into my face and trying not to throw up. The splints come out tomorrow afternoon, but I need help getting enough relief to be functional until then. What can I do?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Tell me about the awesomeness of pre-dental implant bone graft procedures.I have to have a bone graft following an extraction for an upper molar. I had anesthesia for the extraction (Vercid?) and it was pointless - I was awake the whole time, just kind of high, but I remember everything. My heart rate was monitored, it was highly surgical etc. It seemed like an awfully big deal for something I could have done with a local. This is my second implant/extraction extravaganza but I haven't had to deal with the bone graft before. How bad is the bone graft? How long does it take? Can I get away with a local and some Xanax (in consult with my GP and oral surgeon, obviously)? I would still be having someone drive me home as I'd be waggling around afterwards, but I'm not really feeling inclined to do general anesthesia again. For my first extraction I had a pure local and nothing else (I was pregnant, I got to have the entire awesome experience). I've had versions to turn a breech baby, D and Cs with locals, five root canals....I'm kind of a veteran of pure bummer medical procedures. On the other hand, I'm not interested in suffering needlessly. What was your experience? General anesthesia or a local and some anti-anxiety meds? (To be clear, I asked for general for this extraction--I really wanted a cake walk of an experience, but it really did not seem to improve matters all that much, the tooth was brittle and hard to get out and the dentist seemed like he was having to work exceptionally hard, which I'd just as soon not know, and it cost me several hundred extra dollars for improvement in the overall experience.)

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
How My Employer Put the "FML" in FMLA

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm arranging a weekend away next year for about 30 people. It's a big treat for us all, so looking into how much to charter a plane. We'd be flying London to Berlin. Any ideas?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"Trust Women" is a popular motto in the pro-choice movement. It sounds a little sentimental, doesn't it? Part of that old sisterhood-is-powerful feminism it is fashionable to mock today. But "Trust Women" doesn't mean that every woman is wise or good or has magical intuitive powers. It means that no one else can make a better decision, because no one else is living her life, and since she will have to live with that decision—not you, and not the state legislature or the Supreme Court—chances are she is doing her best in a tight spot. How Pro-Choicers Can Take Back the Moral High Ground: an excerpt from essayist and poet Katha Pollitt's latest book, Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights. • NYT: Changing the Debate: Katha Pollitt Talks About 'Pro'I know some readers are raising their eyebrows at my use of the word "patriarchal." But the home base of the anti-abortion movement is in religious denominations where women are formally subordinate — the Catholic church, where women are shut out of the priesthood, which is where the power is, and the Southern Baptist and other evangelical/fundamentalist churches, where wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. If that's not patriarchy, what is? • The Diane Rehm Show: October 8, 2014 interview with Katha Pollitt (audio and full transcript)Well, I think the pro-choice movement has become very defensive, and so they've adopted a language that I think they may not realize is stigmatizing. For example, when you say, safe, legal and rare, you're saying, oh, there's too much abortion. Well, is there too much abortion? There are lots of people who want an abortion that can't have one. The Hyde Amendment prevents, in most states, poor women from getting coverage for their abortion, so there are a lot of women who have babies because they can't afford -- they don't have 500 dollars. But there's also this, sort of, abortion is the most terrible decision a woman ever makes. It's the most difficult decision. Oh, it's just so tragic and awful. Well, that's really saying motherhood is the default position for women. A woman should be ready to have a baby whenever a stray sperm gets in there. And if she's going to have an abortion, she has to feel really bad about it. But we know that, actually, most women who have abortions, it's not a difficult decision. They know right away that's what they want to do, and most women have abortions as soon as they can. • Double X: Abortion Is GreatThree in 10 American women [PDF] have abortions by the time they hit menopause. They are not generally victims of rape or incest, or in any pitiable situation from which they need to be rescued. They are making a reasonable and even admirable decision that they can't raise a child at the moment. Is that so hard to say? As Pollitt puts it, "This is not the right time for me" should be reason enough. And saying that aloud would help push back against the lingering notion that it's unnatural for a woman to choose herself over others.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm beginner-level with R, trying to work with a CSV file. I've noticed some rows are being interpreted incorrectly, and would like some help figuring out a way around that. I think the problem is escaped quotes not being parsed how I would like.This reads in successfully, id,"timestamp","text",user_id 1,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Perfectly fine text",10 2,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Text with two \"quotes\" in it",20 3,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Perfectly fine text",30 At least it parses the columns correctly, as shown by read.csv("example.csv",allowEscapes = FALSE)$user_id; it correctly reads in the user_id column which follows the text column. Though an odd thing is the text displays as Text with two \\quotes\\ in it instead of as Text with two "quotes" in it which you might expect. And if I set allowEscapes to TRUE, it displays as Text with two \\quotes in it which I don't quite get. The bigger problem is something like this: id,"timestamp","text",user_id 1,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Perfectly fine text",10 2,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Text with one \"quote in it",20 3,"2014-10-21 00:00:00","Perfectly fine text",30 This somehow leads to row 2 gobbling up row 3 to be in its text value, and then its user_id is NA. Is there something important I'm overlooking that will explain how to correctly read a CSV file in this format?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Trying to find a good way to automate an alert letting me know I need to leave for work to arrive on time (based on curent traffic conditions) and Google Now is failing me.I have a 27 mile commute in the morning on a mixture of local roads and a highway. Sometimes there are accidents, congestion from volume, rain, etc.. that can cause delays. So, the window for me to leave my house and be on time varies widely depending on the day of the week. When I get ready to leave my house I tell Google Now to navigate to work. Then, based on the information I get as Im driving I can adjust my route (especially on the local roads). I am trying to find a way to automate this process and even give me an alert when I need to leave. I thought this was a fairly simple process and put my arrival time on my calendar as a meeting. But, when the alert pops up on my phone, telling me I need to leave to arrive on time, I am already in my car and had I waited for the alert I would NEVER be on time. There must be a better way.

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