posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Sometime around 2005 I went to brunch in a converted farmhouse in a park in Philadelphia. What was that place?Unfortunately this is one of these questions where I'll ask you to guess the answer from an embarrassing paucity of details. Thanks in advance! Sometime around 2004-6 I visited a friend in Philadelphia and was taken to brunch in a white converted farmhouse (or something that resembled a converted farmhouse). It felt like it was in a park -- I think maybe there was a stream with some ducks running alongside the farmhouse? I think we had to walk a short distance from the parking lot. We ate in a small room with a few other tables, where I had stuffed French toast. Any guesses as to what I could be thinking of?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
How do I keep my parents from being quite so upset, angry and unreasonable, while retaining control over my wedding, marriage and life?Four months ago I got engaged. My parents would like my fiancee to phone them or meet them and talk to them to apologise for not being there when the engagment was announced. They're putting pressure on me and saying that I'm being selfish for not forcing him to come see them imediately. My fiencee lives a considerable distance away while he studies for his finals, and I've just come back from 3 months abroad. Coming to where I live has not really been an option, and won't be for a couple more months. He doesn't feel he owes them an apology (especially given how they've treated me) and regardless doesn't want to have a negative conversation with them over the phone. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I feel stuck while I am told to jump through hoops to keep them happy. They're constantly insulting me and telling me which way to do things. How do I keep my parents from being quite so upset, angry and unreasonable, while retaining control over my wedding, marriage and life?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
How can I stop thinking about the woman who broke my heart?This fall, I had an intense fling with a woman I've known for years. We were both in a vulnerable place coming out of breakups. We both thought we needed to be single, and had intended for it to stay casual... which was naive. But because we thought the stakes were low, and we were both so raw, the emotional connection felt stronger than anything I've ever felt. We were so open and honest and intimate. We were separated by distance in the winter, and I was distant toward her because I was afraid of letting something more serious develop. So she started seeing another man. I took it very badly. She told me she wanted to be in something real that was going to go somewhere, and said if I wanted to talk about making a future, living together, and having kids, we could. I thought hard about it and decided I really wanted to have that with her. I've never been there before, but I opened myself up to it. After a lot of talk we decided we would give it a real shot. I came to where she lived, and everything seemed to have changed. She was irritable, impatient, critical, unwelcoming, distant. My attempts to talk about what was going on mostly made her angry. There were moments where I could feel the same connection as before, but after a messy and complicated two weeks, she concluded she just can't be in a relationship right now. It seemed like she wanted to leave the door open for some day in the future. I left. We stayed in touch for a while, which she wanted, but I continued to demand more than she could give, she got colder and colder, and the conversations became just us getting mad at each other. I decided I needed to go a while without talking to her, and told her I'd get back in touch in May. It's been six weeks since I saw her and three since we talked. I think she is right, she can't be in a relationship right now. Maybe I can't really either. I can see a lot of ways in which this was unhealthy and bad for both of us. I know if we're ever going to have something that works, we both need to be in a better place. I know maybe what we thought we had in the first place was just temporary and brought on by circumstances. I know I can't control her or this situation. I know right now I need to be focusing on making myself a happier and better person. But I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop fantasizing about a happy ending for us. I feel so much loss and disappointment. And then hurt and anger. How could someone say such big this about commitment and the future, and just change their mind? I can't stop worrying about what will happen when we talk again, and I keep fighting out worst-case scenarios. There have been times when I am distracted and with friends, when I feel okay. But any time I am a little bored, I start to feel lonely, and everything makes me think of her. It's very sad but at this point it is also maddening. I don't want to be thinking about her, I want this to go away. I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't get to sleep at night, and I wake up thinking about her. Right now I am in a foreign country visiting some friends. I have a lot of travel plans in the near future. This should be a really good time for me, but thinking of her is making it really hard to enjoy myself. Broken hearts take time to heal. Is there anything I can do to make my brain stop churning pointlessly like this? Thank you for any help you can give.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My library has a Playstation 3 gaming program, and I'm looking to buy a few new games for it. Most of the people who come are ages 10-14, and I'm looking for games that would be appropriate for that age group (yes, I know most of them play Halo and Grand Theft Auto at home, but for the library they should really be rated T and under). We have some sports games (soccer, basketball, car racing) and some fighting games (Marvel Vs. Capcom, Street Fighter), and I'd really like a good game or two that doesn't fit in those boxes, but I'd be open to really good sports and fighting games. Oh -- and it should DEFINITELY have multiplayer. What should I get? (We definitely can't get a next-gen console.)

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
This morning someone posted a sweet gaming room to reddit (picture has since been taken down), and it made me think, "gee, I'm an adult now, I can do anything I want!" And since I'm nothing if not impulsive, I now really want to buy a video game console. For the first time ever. If I use both hands, I still have leftover fingers when counting the number of times I've played a video game in my life. Show me your ways, geeks of MetaFilter!So, like I said, I've never really played console video games before. They were banned in my house growing up, so the small number of times I've interacted with them as an adult have mostly been spent mashing the buttons until something explodes and subsequently pissing off my friends. Usually when I come home from work I throw on some TV I don't really care about and play tetris until my introversion recovers. I figure I could spend that time dicking around with a more interactive video game instead. I've watched enough Law & Order SVU to last a lifetime. I don't even know where to start with this. What I am definitely NOT looking for: -PC games -the latest greatest flashiest thing -a Wii (my mom bought a Wii like five minutes after my brother moved out; I've played around with it, I don't think that's what I want) What I AM looking for: -something I could find secondhand without too much trouble -games that can be played on it that are relatively easy, mind-numbing fun, but something I could make progress on -something that's fun alone and/or with a +1 -I don't even know I feel like I'm coming on here asking for dessert recipes and my only guidance is "yeah, I think I might like food?" Please tell me what I should look for. Blank slate, you guys.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
So this will usually be in a family setting. I live quite far away from most members of my family (brothers, cousins etc). I look forward to seeing them but when I do something happens. For the first few hours everything is great, I'm happy to see them. We're getting on great. Then slowly but surely I start to feel that my life is inadequate, and that I am inadequate. Witty responses become sarcastic putdowns and insults. I feel like I'm taking things the wrong way. My own capacity for conversation and fun becomes subdued and almost entirely non-existent. I overthink every word. I feel completely mentally drained. And I wish they would leave as soon as possible! I know I was happy before the visit or stay. I know I never felt inadequate with any of my friends or work colleagues. But I feel really bad that I feel this way and I feel even worse in the actual situation.Sorry if this is making no sense. I'm trying to make sense of it myself. It's definitely triggered by some kind of fear of inadequacy, especially in the face of family peers. I fear that others think I'm a doofus, and hey presto, I materialise as a doofus. I'm looking for ways to break out of the self-defeating brain freeze. What can I do when i feel overwhelmed? What could 'break state'? I don't blame others for feeling this way, even if some of the joking about can be pretty close to the bone, I blame 'me' and I'm happy with this judgement except I can't seem to do anything about it. The brain fogginess and tiredness is overwhelming - I just want to shutdown. I've got a big family gathering later this week to test out any ideas. I promise to report back!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My brother tells me that he saw a white pickup truck park outside our house. An older guy in his 60's or 70's walked up the driveway about 3/4 of the way, turned away from our house, stood there watching the street for about 10 seconds, then walked down. He repeated all of these actions one more time, then left. We had no cars at the house at the time, so I'm assuming he thought no one was home. Considering he didn't knock and came up twice, I'm worried about this and am wondering if it would be going too far to call the police. Can you think of any other possible reasons for someone to act in this way? Details inside.Extra details: From what my brother tells me, the vehicle had a small symbol on it but he couldn't make it out. He said it might have been a city symbol. He thinks it might be the animal warden or an irritated neighbor, since we have had complaints about our cats roaming the street in the past and the biggest offender got outside yesterday. The man didn't seem to check the inside of our house and instead seemed to be surveying the street, so we wonder if he was checking to see if our cats were in another lawn. But if it was the animal warden he would at least try knocking or leave something, right? We were also considering the possibility that he was contemplating a crime. But from my brother's description, the man looked old enough to possibly be retired, was decently dressed (not a suit, but not t-shirt. My brother doesn't remember many of the details) and did not seem the type. Also, would a guy really come up a driveway in broad daylight if he was considering a robbery? And why would he do so twice, and only look at the street? Any and all advice, or other possible explanations for his behavior would be appreciated.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Simple: How do you pronounce the Finnish word 'kestävyys' ?Kest (rhyme with vest) -ah-vice ?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
When it's time for some mellow craftiness it's time for Bob Ross. But what if you want to know how many times his paintings included palm trees? Cumulus clouds? What if it's time to apply some good ol' fashioned conditional probability to his oeuvre? Then this is the place to go.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
We are interested in juicing everything from leafy greens to soft fruits to beets/carrots. I love the idea of the Omega J8003/8004 because of how good it is supposed to be with kale, and I love the idea of making nut butters and pasta, but I would hate to not be able to make pineapple or kiwi juice. Is it really as terrible for soft fruits as some reviewers claim?I will be juicing primarily "healthy" green juices with a fruit thrown in for sweetness. My boyfriend will be juicing primarily fruit juices, maybe with a vegetable thrown in as long as he can disguise its taste. The pasta extruder/nut butter grinder feature of the Omega juicer is definitely a "nice to have" but not necessary. Which juicer should we get? Do you have an Omega masticating juicer? If yes, how does it do with soft fruits? How does it handle oranges? Or do you have another juicer that is good at juicing EVERYTHING that you can recommend?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My favorite place in the entire world is Philadelphia's exquisite and incomparable Mütter Museum, I've seen Body Worlds more than a dozen times... and you should probably refrain from clicking either of those links if you are squeamish. I will soon be spending a week in NYC followed by a week in Washington, DC. Can you help me make a list of similar museums, exhibits, and collections to visit while I'm there?Specific travel dates, in case there are temporary or traveling exhibits in town: NYC 4/21 to 4/28, DC 5/3 to 5/10. Two asides: + Public transit accessibility is a must, but I am willing to travel extensively as long as I can get within 1-2 miles of the place on a bus or train. + The National Museum of Health and Medicine is a no-go, as access to their anatomical collection is available exclusively to researchers, and even then only by appointment. *dejected sniffle* Thanks, AskMe! (RIYL = Recommended If You Like)

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"This is the petty tyranny of inconvenience — just as the heroine believes that her individual comfort somehow justifies the enslavement of roughly a hundred other human beings, romance readers feel it's inconvenient and uncomfortable to reflect on the ways the genre not only has marginalized but continues to marginalize not only characters, but also readers and authors of color. This book was not written by an obscure self-published writer with a small niche audience. Sandra Hill is a New York Times bestselling author, a genre mainstay for the past two decades; she is still writing books set in the contemporary South, though I am certainly not going to read them." -- Romance author Olivia Waite reviews Sandra Hill's Frankly My Dear, set on a sugar plantation in 1845 Louisiana, as part of the blogging from A to Z challenge. The Blogging from A - Z challenge is to post every day (except Sundays) in April, each day chosing a subject that starts with a letter of the alphabet. For her own challenge, currently up to N of Z entries, Waite chose to blog about intersectional feminism in Romance: Every day in April, Sundays excepted, I will post about an author or a book that features something other than the straight white wealthy cis able-bodied mold romance is so wedded to (see what I did there?). These will not be reviews in the usual sense, though I will usually mention whether or not I find a book compelling as a romance. Instead, these posts will be literary or structural analyses with a feminist lens, using as much privilege-checking as I know how to bring. Many of the books are no longer new, so if you can think of more recent releases that grapple with the same issues, please mention them. Sometimes, as with Sandra Hill's novel, this means looking at a problematic work to see what it's doing wrong and what this means for romance as a genre, sometimes, as with Jacqueline Koyanagi's Ascension, it means looking at a book that gets it right and show how it does it: It's easy to say that Jacqueline Koyanagi's luscious debut Ascension ticks just about every box on the anti-kyriarchy bingo card: our heroine is a queer disabled woman of color (in space!). She falls in love with a disabled starship captain who's in a polyamorous relationship with another queer woman: a medic who plans on having children with a man-slash-engineer-slash-sometime-wolf. But like we saw with Her Love, Her Land, this book was written from deeply within the perspective of the identities it represents. The characters' disability is a plot point, but it's not The Plot Point — the same goes for queerness and race: they're baked in, functions of character rather than Moving Moments. Polyamory gets a bit more of the Very Special Episode treatment, but this aspect is presented as bridging a gap between two different planetary cultures, one more sexually conservative than the other. And all the characters are compelling, and several scenes made me gasp out loud (Adul!), but what I can't wait to talk about is how this book treats the problem of humans having bodies. Each of the reviews Waite writes contains spoilers, sometimes also for related books, as Waite takes care to put each novel in its proper context, with links for further reading and her sources in the endnotes to each post. The complete list of posts is linked from her introduction post. A definition of intersectionality.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm about to apply for a job that's a great fit for me! But one thing has me stumped. The ad says to send resumes to S_smith@perfectjob.org. The staff directory says S. Smith is the "HR assistant." However, I know the name of the executive director and the person who heads the department I would be working in. Do I address my cover letter to the HR assistant, the executive director, or the department head? (I'm pretty sure I should not direct it generically to "Hiring Manager.")

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
The thing I do with Swiss Chard -- chopped, sauteed w/olive oil, garlic, maybe lemon juice -- is fine. But I've got some chard I want to use tonight, and I'm in the mood for better than fine. What do you do with Swiss Chard that's amazing?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
A verbal promise for partial ownership in the company I work for needs to become a paper contract, and given the power differential and the several years since this promise has been discussed in detail, I need recommendations for the best possible attorneys to have on my side. This is in the Puget Sound area.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Evidently, I am a very good listener. Is there any realistic chance of using this to transition to either a career or a side-job as a counselor of some sort?Recently, it's been brought to my attention that I am a good listener and that people like to talk to me - like, multiple people from multiple departments have recently told me, independent of one another, "You're really good to talk to, you're a good listener, it has helped me talk things out." One person made a sort of Monday morning "appointment" to come by and talk through their issues of the week. To be clear, I don't do anything to instigate this, but it's something I've been aware of and am becoming more aware of. Bartenders tend to spill their guts to me rather than the other way around, and I'm not joking about that. I don't know why this is, but it's got me wondering if there might be any ways to use these powers for good. I'm at a point in my career where going back to school to become a full-on psychologist is not an option, but are there other counselor-type roles that might be beneficial to someone? Are there non-woo accreditations for something like this? Are there volunteer opportunities that would benefit from someone like me, or (long shot here I suspect) is there any realistic vector by which this might become a career?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Looking for a recommendation of a video camera (and anything else necessary like external microphone etc) that is inexpensive but good enough that I won't regret not spending more money. If I could spend $200 that would be great, but if you tell me I'll kick myself for not spending $300 then I can do that.Before my parents and some aunts/uncles get too old, I'd like to sit them down and record some interviews for posterity. I'll probably sit them down in a nice bright room in a comfy chair - no action shots or noisy environments. I'm planning to use a tripod (so the camera should be able to be mounted on one). I don't know anything about video cameras. Will this cheap Samsung do the job? How about this more expensive Sony? Or do I not want a "camcorder" at all? Should I get this lighting kit for $40 that was recommended in a previous Ask question? (That question was a bit different and didn't have enough specific recommendations by price point to be helpful for me...) Do I need a external microphone like this? Please just tell me what to order on Amazon so that I can record some good quality video and sound of interviews!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
That Time The CIA And Howard Hughes Tried To Steal A Soviet Submarine | You may recall this (previously) epic post about this subject, but it is time to update the story with recently declassified documents (PDF: Search it for the term "Azorian" and you'll find some 200 pages of info.) Or just read the first link for the Cliff's Notes.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Favorite pairings of music + imagery?I've come to realize that one of my favorite things ever is a great marriage of music and visuals. I was totally entranced by this hyperlapse video of Bern I watched this morning. I've also very much enjoyed the SF fog video that went around awhile back and the Los Angeles Nightfall video. But it doesn't just have to be pretty time-lapse videos of places, I also really liked the 2006 Where the Hell is Matt video. I even get a bit of a thrill out of those extended sports commercials where they match athletes in motion to pumped up music. I want more! If you have a favorite video of this sort (or just anything that combines "cool visual" with "music"), please share!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
It's spring and the plants and trees which have been bare for months are bursting into life. I've been thinking it must take a lot of energy for a tree to go from having no leaves at all to being covered in too many to count in a relatively short period of time. But how much energy exactly?I would be really interested to see how this compares to human energy production or consumption. I appreciate that this probably varies a great deal across different plants and conditions. Educated guesses, energy values for a single tree to go from bare to fully covered in leaves or power per unit area averages all welcome!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Rent a car on the island? Ferry, then rent a car stateside? Looking for low cost, shortest transit time from Nanaimo/Victoria to Seattle. Don't want to fly.We'll be on Vancouver Island (Nanaimo/Victoria) but want to do a 4-5 day road trip to Seattle & Portland. There seem to be a million ferry companies operating out of Victoria, but they're all expensive so it seems. We could do Nanaimo/Vancouver then rent a car & drive south. However not a lot of car companies near the ferry terminals. Preferred trip is Victoria/USA but don't know which ferry to take. Worst case scenario we rent a car on the island & ferry it across. Thanks guys n gals & thanks for being the highlight of my workday :P

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Specifically books about the blossoming of The SelfOMG, I'm turning into an adult. Recommend me books to help me blossom? I'm not looking for a treatise or a philosophical work aimed at academics. I'm not looking for Sheryl Sandberg aka how to climb the capitalism ladder. I'm also not looking for Deepak Chopra or Oprah. I'm not looking for Caitlin Moran or Tina Fey aka haha feminism for white chicks But a bit of each of those things would be nice. Lately I've loved reading Hemingway: The Sun Also Rises and Zadie Smith: White Teeth. It doesn't have to be a novel, in fact I'm open to any genre really. The theme I'm looking to explore is self-actualization, if that's a thing. I want to explore creative and spiritual blossoming. I've read the Artist's Way and that was right up my alley. A book that has the words "The Self" in it would probably be perfect.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My grandparents are very elderly and chances are very good this will be at least one's last Easter. I hate dressing up, in dresses especially, but doing so always makes them absolutely delighted. So, I spent a lot of time taking measurements and stuff to order something well ahead of time from an online retailer who has been making excuses for weeks and finally said they'd refund my money because they can't get my order to me after all. Well... okay, clothes aren't my forte at the best of times, I need emergency fashion assistance.I'm 5'8", a size 18, carry a lot of it in my midsection, D-cup so not extraordinarily busty but not flat either. In my 30s and my usual is jeans/khakis and plain-colored 3/4 sleeve t-shirts. I have a variety of cardigans, so sleeveless is okay, but I don't do leaving the house with bare arms. It needs to be at least knee length, preferably just past the knee, and not low-cut, although I'm flexible on the actual neckline. Something in the way of cheerful spring colors. Oh, and somewhere that can do overnight shipping. Cheap is a plus--assume I am extremely unlikely to ever actually wear this again--but anything up to $150 including the shipping would be doable. Something in Northeast Ohio would also work, but I have not had good luck shopping for women's clothes here even at the best of times. The shoes I had already for this are cream-colored flats. I also have purple flats. Something that would go with the shoes I already have is preferred, I don't think I can manage last-minute emergency shoe-shopping, too. I hate this sort of shopping and it was bad enough when I had plenty of time. I just want to look nice for my grandma, you know? eShakti looked ideal and I ordered with two weeks' cushion on their delivery estimate, but evidently right now they're kind of a mess, and now I'm stuck having to scramble.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I requested an SSDI hearing within the amount of time needed to continue my benefits. I spoke with the office twice, in person, to ensure that I had done what I needed to to continue my benefits. As my benefits didn't arrive today, I have done some frantic searching and determined that SSA never gave me the form that said, yes please, I would like benefits continuing, although I have proof as to when I asked for the appeal.This is in a variety of ways an emergency situation -- e.g., no money for food or medicine. YANML, but how should I best proceed when I go to the office again tomorrow? Thanks so much, really bad situation, appreciate all available feedback.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Looking for recipes/blogs/maybe cookbooks that deal with the The 5:2 Diet but with a vegan twist.My husband and I--after reading the many AskMes that have dealt with this diet--have decided to give it a go. Only we need vegan recipes instead of the usual omni ones!

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