posted 1 day ago on metafilter
What are some of the better ways to tell a young child that Mom and Dad are splitting?Looking for suggestions for approaches and specific phrasing for talking to a five year old child about their parents splitting, specifically a situation in which one parent is moving to another house nearby and the child will visit there but still primarily live in the original house with the parent who has been the primary caregiver, has more interest in parenting, and has more energy, time, and patience for parenting. What we have in mind so far is something along the lines of Mom and Dad are not getting along great so they are going to live separately, or Mom wants more time alone so she's going to have another place where she sleeps (just for the record, the latter approach was Mom's idea). We are interested in hearing other possible approaches that might be better. We will be talking to a qualified therapist soon about these matters but I felt it would also be valuable to get input on AskMeFi. Personally I'm not a big fan of using the D word with the child because although the child is not familiar with the term "divorce", I feel it risks putting a label on the situation in a way that could possibly convey a negative connotation or feel like a stigma to the child (although inevitably as the child gets a little older the D word will find its way into the child's vocabulary and frame of reference). I prefer an approach that is more along the lines of "there are all kinds of families and this is what ours is going to look like now" so that it feels more like this is just another way of doing things and it's OK and will still be fine and is not a big deal. By way of background information, it's not a situation where there has been open warfare, but there's certainly been a major lack of open affection and closeness between the parents. The child has lots of attention, is happy, social, bright, mature, confident, and resilient, and is very aware of the love both parents have for the child, and it will be expressed to the child in some way (is direct the best?) that this split is not the child's fault. Thank you for any suggestions and ideas for dealing in the best way possible with a challenging situation where a young child's well-being is at stake.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I have a few hours waiting in an airport, i know most of the art history documents, but does anyone know any examples of brilliant long reads, in theology, music criticism, general culture and the like, that could keep me entertained, in downloadable pdfs.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"Amazon and HBO on Wednesday announced a first-of-its-kind deal that will make HBO content available to Amazon Prime subscribers. ... Content covered in the new deal includes The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire, Eastbound & Down, Family Tree, Treme, Band of Brothers, John Adams, and early seasons of Boardwalk Empire and True Blood." No Game of Thrones yet, however. Read more here. And here.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Dmitri Nabokov, Car Guy [Part One], Dmitri Nabokov, Car Guy [Part Two]: Dmitri Nabokov, son of Vladimir: his father's work (Lolita, Pale Fire, Ada, etc.), and cars. Some stand out photos include: - Véra Nabokov with the Bizzarrini Strada - Four of Dmitri's cars in Switzerland: Ferrari 348 TB, Ferrari 456 GT, Viper, my second Ferrari 308 (GTBi Quattrovalvole) - In San Remo, with Véra and Vladimir Nabokov, aunt, and cousin - Vera Nabokov with a Ferrari 308 - Dmitri in Viper GT2

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
36 ventilators, 4.7m³ packing chips (SL video)

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Curiosity led me to cut my collection of golf balls in half to see what the cores looked like. To my surprise, what I found inside inspired me to consider that I could discover, in the unlikeliest of places, elegant formal qualities and surprising metaphorical possibilities.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm going to be working in State College for two months this summer. Tell me about where to live and where to hang out!I'll need to be on campus each day from 10a to 4p or so. It appears that everything is in easy biking distance to campus, so I'm not too worried about that aspect. I am primarily concerned with not living next door to a frat house or a ton of 19 year-olds (I'm 29). Are there pockets of State College that have a really heavy concentration of undergrads? From reading this question, it appears that going further east yields more young people - does that still hold true? I also read this question, which gave me some ideas about what to do when I'm not working as well as where to buy my groceries. Any other spots I should check out? I love food, beer, coffee, walking, hiking, and biking. Lastly, I've been looking at Craiglist for sublets. Is this the best place to look? Also, what is a reasonable amount to pay for a furnished studio or 1 bedroom? The things I'm seeing are $500-$700 (I live in DC, so these prices seem pretend). Thanks!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am considering having a child with a friend to whom I am not married. We would be living separately, but would have joint legal and physical custody. What might be some details that we should work out ahead of time?Obviously there's the legal component of custody. There are other things like: whose insurance covers the child before and after birth; how the parents will make decisions; how we will financially support the child; how we deal with holidays; and what happens when one or both of us find new partners/spouses. But what else? Certainly there are things that we'd have to decide, but not now, like where the child would go to school. I'm looking for things that we could discuss and decide now, at least as an initial proposition. At least for the scope of this AskMe, I'm not interested in feedback on the choice to have a child with a friend. (That hasn't been decided yet. Negotiating all of these details is part of our discernment process.) Rather, I'm specifically looking for what details, given the hypothetical fact of two friends having a child, should be considered before having the child. Thanks!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm looking to upgrade my phone with AT&T. What are your experiences with the Moto X and Galaxy S5?I'm making an upgrade with AT&T from a Samsung Captivate Glide. I've basically narrowed it down to a Moto X and a Galaxy S5. They seem relatively similar - both seem to have gotten positive reviews from the usual online places, both can run Android KitKat, etc., so I'm looking for anyone's personal experience with the phones. I don't have any particular specialized needs, mostly looking for something faster and with long battery life. AT&T is pretty good about not putting on too much bloatware. The Galaxy is a bit larger (too large?) and a bit more expensive. Thoughts please!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"If an NHS trust proposed today that it was going to introduce Viagra sales reps into men's genitourinary wards, or reps for walking aids to orthopaedic wards, the very least you'd expect would be some stout resistance. It is a measure of the strength of the association between "motherhood" and "buying stuff" that the presence of commercial representatives on maternity wards has been tolerated for so long." For several decades, the NHS has given 'parenting club' and data marketing company Bounty direct access to pregnant women and new mothers, in exchange for an estimated £2.3 million per year. In participating NHS trusts, pregnant women are given 'Bounty packs' by midwives at antenatal appointments and are visited by sales reps from Bounty in hospital after giving birth, who give out more packs, offer to sell baby photographs, and take details to sell onto third-party companies. Bounty are also paid by the government to distribute forms for claiming Child Benefit (a payment the majority of UK families with children are eligible for), which are included in the postnatal Bounty packs. Recently, both Bounty and the NHS have come under fire for the commercial partnership. The British Medical Journal published an editorial from Dr Margaret McDonald questioning the ethics of combining commercial advertising with NHS advice, the National Childbirth Trust criticised the arrangement with Bounty specifically, and a House of Commons motion called for an end to the practice of allowing sales representatives on maternity wards. The parenting site Mumsnet has been campaigning against Bounty with its Bounty Mutiny, which began after a number of the site's members shared their experiences of sales reps using dishonest, invasive or high-pressure tactics to get them to give their details or buy photographs of their babies. But can the NHS afford to end its partnership with firms like Bounty? As the continuing crisis into NHS maternity services (particularly in England) continues, it is unclear how the Department of Health can afford, or practically implement, improvements.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am helping someone put together a post college graduation resume and we are unsure how much high school and college work experience to include. How can we show that this person is hard-working and dependable without it just looking like a list of retail and food service jobs?This person worked a number of jobs in high school and to help with expenses while in college, but it ends up looking like a big list of low-level jobs not at all related to current career goals. The list includes several retail and food service type jobs. Could these be lumped together under an addional experience type heading? This person has had one professional job since college (although in a different field) and an internship while in college. How can we show on the resume that this person is hard-working and dependable without it just looking like a list of low-level teenage type jobs?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
In search of (women's) shoe recommendations for hiking up the treadmill, with a maxed out incline?In lieu of running after back-to-back injuries, I've replaced some of my cardio with doing incline walking intervals on the treadmill. I've been using my Brooks Ghost 6's that I used for running, but wondering if there's something that I should be looking for that's better for this activity? My Brooks Ghost's have been fine, but sometimes I feel like I'm sliding back in them. I maybe need something with a greater "grip?" There seems to be very little out there on the internet, in terms of what to look for in a treadmill shoe at high inclines. My intervals are usually 5-minutes long, set between a level of 8-15 for 35-65 minutes, but I switch it up as my legs and core get stronger.. What exactly should I be looking for in a new shoe for this kind of exercise?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am knitting a lot and I love the look of so many of the shawl patterns available. Different shapes, different sizes, solid ones, lace ones, etc. I want to make some, but I worry that wearing them is going to make me look frumpy or geriactric. I know it can be done but... how?I know people are going to say that you can wear them the same way you wear a scarf (sort of swooshed loosely about the neck) but I have never quite figured that out either. I don't quite seem to be able to figure out how to wear a scarf without looking stupid. I wish I could but, yeah... can't quite figure that out. And in terms of the shawls, I'm less interested in having them swooshed around my neck and more interested in having them around my shoulders. So how does one wear shawls but still look youthful/funky/classic/modern? Speak to me like an idiot because this is a weird black hole for me.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The U.S. Supreme court has decided to uphold Michigan's ban on affirmative action. Here is a a brief summery of the history behind the case. The court has made their opinions available here. Also, how states with affirmative action bans have fared.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
It's simple. Just say Yes. Campbell Newman's LNP government has asked the residents of Queensland to help balance their budget. Strong Choices is an online survey giving respondents the opportunity to suggest reduction targets by selecting taxation or reduction in services or benefits. Problem is, there doesn't seem to be much choice. If you'd like to play along, you'll need a Queensland postcode. I chose Mooloolaba.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
In the DC area, does anyone have a recommendation for a mechanic?The dealership wants $600+ for new brakes and rotors and I'd like to get a second quote. Has anyone in the DC metro area had their Mini repaired at a non-dealership service center/mechanic? Has anyone been to both a dealer mechanic and a non-dealer mechanic and know if there is actually a price difference?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Is there something like WorkRave but for Android? I cannot download anything on my computer at work. I used to use WorkRave at another job and really liked how it gave you the exercises to do. I don't want simply a reminder to stretch. I've seen apps that have stretches, but they are more like a resource app, not like WorkRave where it gives you random exercises each time.I especially liked the WorkRave exercises because they didn't involve doorways or doing anything that looked too weird at your desk. I can't do squats or pushups at my cube. I mean, I could, but I'd feel really weird and I'd like to avoid that. I suppose I could just make a list of the stretches from WorkRave and just do a few each break time, but I'd like an app if it exists.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Denmark has a demographic problem. The birthrate is at a 27 year low and not enough babies are being born to support an aging population. ?It's a matter of some urgency then to get Danes to procreate more, but how? Send them on holiday to get it on.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Leaky stand up stall shower drain seems like it is loosening as I turn but will not unseat. Is there light at the end of my turning?I've had a slow leak from my shower stall drain since I moved into this house a year ago. The past few weeks, the amount of water has increased so I decided to address it myself. I went out and bought a standard drain with metal grate that requires sealing. The old drain isn't old, it's actually 3 or 4 years old at the most. The guy who installed it used a poor sealant and now I'm dealing with the consequences. The old drain seems to be set up just like the new drain I bought, you twist counter-clockwise until it unseats from it's PVC coupling and then it should come loose. However, this doesn't seem to be the case with the old drain. Last night, I got it loose and twisted for what seemed to be hours with a crap pair of pliers. Today I got some channel lock pliers and will be trying that tonight. Is there something I'm missing? Could I be twisting to no end? Will I have to cut a whole in the ceiling and try from the bottom?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Is there a good app (iOS or Android) that will let me create a list of specific beers I want to try, and let me know where I can find them in the area that I'm in?I'll be visiting the US in a month or so, visiting San Francisco, Portland and NYC. On my trip there are some specific beers I'd like to try, and would like to find an app to help me find them.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Shakespeare is known for his brilliant use of language and rhetorical imagery. Now two antiquarian booksellers believe they have found his dictionary. The Bibliophagist has been keeping an updated survey of responses to the announcement.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
So I've spent countless hours on this corner of Metafilter and yet, I need your help. My boyfriend and I -both 25- have been long distance for about 7 months. We knew each other two months before me leaving. I'll be moving in with him in a week when I move back to my home country. Long distance has been incredibly rough. First year of law school and being in a semi-wholly alien culture has been rough. A lot of factors were thrown into the mix: my being on new anti anxiety meds, I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship where I was cheated on. I love him a great deal, but the idea of moving in with him scares me to death.I've tried pulling out of the relationship a few times but it's never worked because to him the reasons seemed silly. I'm on the far end of the 'possessive, jealous' spectrum. I'm incredibly uncomfortable going out in public with him because I worry about him looking at other girls. As far as guys go, he's less lascivious than most guys, but my need for security is so so strong (I had an unstable upbringing) that I feel I can only do justice to a relationship if my guy were completely honest and had only eyes for me. I just feel really threatened if I suspect he finds another female attractive. I've had therapy since I was 18 and I'm pretty confident on what I value in a relationship...that my guy only have eyes for me. I wasn't looking for anything remotely serious when I met him. I've been open about my needs and he's been trying really hard (he cut off all social media because it was causing fights in our relationship) to make me feel secure. He had a habit of telling white lies and he was into NLP/pick up artistry, but he's been trying really hard to not do the former anymore and the latter is a thing of the past. He's a bit contradictory...for instance, he was in a two year celibate relationship because his girlfriend was religious and he really is the best boyfriend (a girl who isn't me) could ask for. That said, I don't want to change who he is (because I believe you can't). I just want us to be happy, that's the bottom line. The last thing I want is for us to be in more pain (because of the long distance, and because of my insecurity). He really wants to make it work, and I do too. But this whole year has been so emotionally draining that I don't know if I could cope with not having things work out with someone I'm living with. I've also been mildly self harming (for the serotonin) and upping my dosage and being spontaneously weepy. I know what I would tell myself if I were to comment on this post: leave. It's too complicated, you're young, it's long distance. You're not in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship. Also, objectively speaking, I've been growing more and more insecure/unreasonable lately. I got really insecure when he went out for a movie with his best friend, his best friend's sister and her boyfriend (he made sure to tell me beforehand) and wanted to break up because of it. The problem is, I know I'm being unreasonable, and I'd rather believe we're a bad fit than that I'm a nutcase. I do think we could be a better fit, and I wonder if I have what it takes emotionally to compromise (my mind says find something easier! my heart says you don't know what you're doing) and build the trust (as he says we need to do). I know what I'm asking for in a relationship is a lot and there are very few guys who could meet my needs. Effort has not really been a hurdle to me though. I know this is the 'high highs and low lows' relationship we all have at some point. But there's also the fact that when time allows, we talk for four or five hours straight late into the night. He flew 28 hours to visit me for three weeks and we pretty much spent most of our time in bed. We're so close it feels like he's physically a part of me. To make things more complicated, he's the only guy I know who doesn't watch porn (which is a deal breaker to me) and god knows (actually I've been trying to keep count) how many of them are left. I just feel so vulnerable right now that I'm wary of growing even closer. Any thoughts, beyond or at least in addition to the inevitable 'break up'?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Today is the 450th anniversary of William Shakespeare's birth - "...The centenary of Shakespeare's birth fell soon after the theatres reopened with the Restoration of the monarchy, following the period when the Puritans had closed them down for the duration of the Civil War. His plays formed a staple part of the repertoire, but those of Beaumont and John Fletcher were performed more frequently. Shakespeare only pulled ahead of the pack in the Georgian era. It was around his 200th anniversary, under the auspices of the great actor David Garrick, that he took on his status as National Poet and exemplar of artistic genius...." More here

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My brother and I recently found out that we are collectively receiving $220,000 from our father's estate (he passed away four years ago when we were both in our early 20s). We were advised to invest in some more profitable stocks and were given a list by a financial advisor, but neither of us have a clue how to begin making these types of decisions. Does anyone know any good (free) online resources to start learning the basics of investing and choosing a diverse portfolio? I've been wanting to develop financial acumen for some time now and I guess this is a good opportunity to start, but I don't want to make any mistakes. Any advice? Many thanks!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I'm allergic to molluscs: scallops, mussels, clams, squid, oysters, whelks, etc. I'll be spending some time in Venice and the Cinque Terre area soon. Is there anything I should look out for to avoid accidentally eating molluscs?I know I shouldn't order pasta pescatore or dishes with scungilli, but any other tips would help.

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