posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My parents devote a lot of time and travel to seeing my younger sister's family, and very little to seeing mine. I'm feeling resentful and confused over how unbalanced everything seems. I want my parents to be actively involved in the future of my immediate family, but it feels like we're always going to get table scraps of the time and attention that they give to my sister's family. Do I even have a right to be upset about this? How can I talk about it with them?A couple of years ago, I discovered that my parents have been doing a lot more to help my sister and her husband than I had thought. My dad would come to their house regularly to do odd jobs and maintenance. He also picked up their babysitter every morning on the way to work, and my parents regularly gave them money to pay bills. They also did the more common grandparents stuff that I already knew about, such as keeping their kids for at least one night every week. I didn't get too upset about any of this, telling myself that my parents had the right to do whatever they wanted with their own time and money. To give everyone some background, I've been living with my girlfriend and her child for the past several years. (My parents have been very welcoming to my girlfriend and her child, treating them as full family members, so I really don't think the underlying issue here is that my sister is in a traditional family structure and I'm not.) My sister has been married for about eight years, and she has one pre-school aged child and one toddler. My parents are near retirement, and as far as I know they are in good financial shape. My sister and I have almost no relationship in the sense that we don't make an effort to speak to each other outside of birthdays and family events. I'm not sure why this is. We grew up in a loving, stable home, and I didn't pick up on any favoritism when we were both kids. I don't have anything against my sister as a person, and I'm not sure what she could have against me. I've tried to be more in touch with her in the past by sending facebook messages and texting, but her lack of responses sent me a pretty clear message that she just wasn't interested in that kind of relationship with me. I've basically given up on things being any different. I can't really imagine my sister's family making future trips to see "Uncle Chuck" and the cousins, or vice-versa, and that makes me sad. I started to get more affected by all the support that my parents give my sister after she moved away from our hometown about a year ago. I've since found out that my parents are making a twelve hour round trip every other week to see my sister and spend time with her kids. Our dad has had back issues for a long time, and this is pretty much the opposite of what would be good for his back. It's common for my parents to drive down to see my sister, spend the weekend with her while babysitting for her two kids, and then offer to spend an hour or so getting lunch with my family on their way back because we live in a city that's on their route back home. It makes me feel jealous to know that my parents will spend considerable time and money to see my sister, but will only fit me and my family in as a pit stop on their way back home. The last time that I went back to my hometown to see my parents, I was surprised by how much they seemed to have aged in a short time. It really seemed like doing all this stuff for my sister was taking a physical toll on them. I told my mom that I was concerned that they might be doing too much for my sister, that I wanted them to spend their upcoming retirement having fun and focusing on themselves, and that my sister and I were both adults who could take care of ourselves. My mom replied that my sister was "not like you" and "needed a lot of help." I'm not sure why my parents would think that my sister is so incapable of handling her own financial and parenting responsibilities, given that she's a very intelligent person with an advanced degree who's never had trouble finding and keeping a well-paying job in her field. To be fair, my sister's family is facing financial difficulties because of some bad decisions my brother-in-law has made in his career. My parents will be selling their house in a few years. They have told me that they plan to move away from our hometown when this happens. I've let them know several times that I'd like for them to move to the city where I live now so that I can see more of them and they can spend time with my family. I'm worried that this isn't going to happen, and that instead they will move to the city where my sister lives and spend all of their time and effort with her family. I miss my parents, and I don't want to go the rest of my life seeing them once every several months, which is the status quo. I'm feeling very confused about all of this for a number of reasons. Is it wrong of me to feel resentful about how my parents choose to spend their own money and time? Is this just about my sister being in a situation where she really does need help (two young kids, spouse with an unstable employment history) while I'm not? Should I just let all this go and accept it as a crappy thing that's not going to change now that I've said my piece to mom and she's given me her justification for all the help my sister is getting? I feel as though I am being penalized for being responsible and putting off some major life goals (having my own biological child, buying a house) until I can afford them on my own. My parents will be making one of their "pit stop" visits to see me on their way back from my sister's place in a few weeks. What (if anything) do all of you think that I should say about the situation?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My brain is sick of the same old same old. I need some ideas for new topics I could easily delve into as a layperson.My usual interests are not doing it for me right now. I need to find some new-to-me topic that I can get into. Not really looking for a hobby. Not so much "something to do" or "something to make"... I'm looking for something to learn about. Requirements: Must not require an advanced knowledge of some related topic to begin (so not, say, calculus.) Reasonably inexpensive to learn about (I'm willing to buy a few books but don't want to pay for a class.) Here are some topics I am already interested in. I am looking for something different than and unrelated to these: Religion, Spiritual, New Age, folk magic, Tarot, Enneagram, art, crafts, needlework. Other topics of no interest: Cooking, Baking. Bonus points if you can direct me to a good beginning resource for the topic you suggest. :)

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"Since 2002, Sharon Jones and her band, the Dap-Kings, have been the world's standard-bearing funk-bringers," according to Maxwell George, writing about Jones for the Oxford American. "On Sharon's stage, delivery and dance moves are queen, and in her audience one can rediscover the lost arts of performance: command, direction, showmanship, sincerity." Horns, funk, soul, strength—Jones and her band bring it just for you. George, on the genesis of Jones's calling: Down south, Sharon discovered music—at church, on the radio, and in the audience with her father at a James Brown concert one summer. "He jumped on the stage," Jones recalled, and the J.B.'s dropped into something and James Brown started moving his feet. "I was eye-level with the stage. And I was like, 'Dad! Look, Dad, he's floating.'" So she sang. At church. As part of wedding bands. And kept singing, even though she was "told by music-industry executives that she was 'too black, too fat, too short and too old' to become a star. She worked as a corrections officer at Rikers Island prison for a while, and still kept singing. A chance meeting with the co-founder of Daptone Records in the mid-1990s proved to be her big break, and led to a series of albums with the Dap-Kings, who also backed Amy Winehouse. Here's how they introduced themselves on their first album: Mr. BINKY GRIPTITE: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Daptones super-soul review. (Follow it up with "Pick It Up, Lay It in the Cut," from the same album.) More, you say? Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - Full Performance (Live on KEXP). "100 Days, 100 Nights." "Stranger To My Happiness." That last video is Jones triumphant—after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and a course of chemotherapy. She beat the cancer. For a time. She's undergoing more treatment, and spoke with the Guardian about continuing to perform in the meantime. (She also talked about it on "Fresh Air": link to audio; transcript.) Her experience balancing the two is captured by a new documentary, Miss Sharon Jones! Again from the Guardian: For the film's soundtrack, you and the band recorded a new song entitled I'm Still Here. It's not only your most autobiographical song but the title also seems to be a forceful statement of purpose. [Jones:] When I was 57 and I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't think I would see my 58th birthday. So that's why I say, "I'm still here." I'm 60 now, so 60 years came along and I'm still here! No retreat. She's still here, and she's still bringing it. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, previously.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I need somewhere to find a list of which athletes (and their country) are participating in which events. My google skills are failing me.The Olympics site is useless. Wikipedia has some country information, which is the information I actually need. Unfortunately Wikipedia doesn't have the information for all events. NBC has no information except about the Americans. Is there a list somewhere online?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Every three or more weeks is not cutting it, Everyone I have spoken to at the therapist office acts like I'm unique in my feelings and is at a loss for any answers/solutions.Hello, I am struggling with anxiety and overthinking, and have been attempting to see a therapist for it. The problem I am having is I keep having 3 or more weeks between appointments. This is really frustrating. I struggle to remember or keep in mind things during that time scale, if there are even any things put to me to practice or keep in mind. And heaven forbid I am sick or otherwise unable to attend an appointment, that exacerbates the problem. Am I crazy? Has media given me false ideas about what therapy with insurance is? How does one find a therapist they can see once a week? At least for a few months at the start. Do I need to pay more? Why is the place I'm going not offering that? I'm at a point where I'm struggling with really difficult thought patterns and I need more support. My go-to analogy for explaining my feelings is to compare it to discussing philosophy with a 10 year old for 45 minutes, and then saying "see you in 3-4 weeks!" and expecting them to remember everything next session. I know therapists are busy, and that it's a very tough job. But I don't understand how this can be effective treatment. I can't remember what was upsetting me in the days following my last session when it was 3 weeks ago.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
R.I.P. Jerry Doyle. He was a star of epic science fiction tv series Babylon-5, then host of talk radio. Dead at 60. B-5 Great Maker J. Michael Straczynski confirmed this on Twitter and also wrote an obituary.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Astronomy Photographer of The Year - 2016 shortlist.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
The park near where we live has many tall plane trees. There's a playground where my children often play. One plane tree has a lateral branch over the playground that's ideal for a rope swing. I'm considering just doing it.The branch is nearly 10m high and at least 20cm in diameter. The plane trees are at least 50y old and healthy. I have a 10m length of strong nylon rope. I was thinking of tying a loop at one end, throwing it over the branch with the help of a thin string, threading the other end of the rope throw the loop, pulling it tight against the branch, and then tying a short plank to bottom end to sit/grab on. I expect there's no way of getting permission to do this through official channels, so I'd be doing it guerrilla style. Would this be a very bad idea?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I recently discovered Dangerdoom and love it. What else should I listen to?I know MF Doom has had some different incarnations and am wondering which of his albums would sound similar to Dangerdoom. Would also like some recommendations for Talib Kwali tracks too, after hearing his track on the album.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Eisner Nominee Renae De Liz Shares Short Guide for Artists on How to De-Objectify Female Characters

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
My daughter has to catch a 9:30 AM flight out of New York's JFK airport tomorrow. Will she be okay if she gets to the airport by 7:30 AM?I keep reading about long TSA lines, and wonder how much time she will need in the airport to make sure she gets to board her flight. If it matters, her Delta flight will be leaving from Terminal 4.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
A truck backed into my driver's side door as I was getting out to go to the grocery store. His insurance says we're 50-50 at fault. I don't agree, but of course I don't. I have anxiety and don't trust most of my gut reactions to things. Most of the people in my life say "No. The other driver's at fault. Push back." I'm looking for outside opinions.I live in PA. I've looked at previous questions and don't really see anything that fits. I was parked and about to go into the local whole foods. I looked into my driver side mirror. There was nothing there. I open my door, and a truck backs into my driver side door. Driver pushed me to just totally roll with it even though he snapped the hinges and did minor body damage. The door didn't come all the way off the car but he did have to lift it up and put it on the frame. He acted like that was all that was required. We could just totally not report this to insurance. I can't open it on my own. I was frazzled and asked for his insurance/id but didn't do much beyond that. I don't handle confrontation well. At home I decided to file a claim with his insurance. I reported it to my insurance, but I don't have collision so their feeling is too bad for you. The adjuster said it's 50-50 because he should have looked, but I should have too. I told the adjuster I didn't hear a truck, I looked and didn't see a truck. What else would a reasonable person have done? They were unmoved by this. There are no witnesses and no police report. I haven't asked if there's a camera in the parking lot. I don't know that it would help anything. We agree what happened. He backed into my door. Ideally, I'm looking for more legal opinion on who's likely to be at fault. Am I just screwed on this? Or should I push harder? The car is driveable, but the adjuster deemed the car unsafe to drive because i have to shimmy in from the passenger side. This is our only car. I'm telling myself it's early in the process, but the adjuster didn't have much to say about what I should or could do until the powers that be sort this out. Any suggestions are welcome on how to handle this.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"It's one of those films that whenever you happen to catch it, you're caught and you can't turn away." 'Stand by Me' From Variety- Oral History: Rob Reiner and Cast on River Phoenix and How Coming-of-Age Classic Almost Didn't Happen. And, of course there was the sound track.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
"The point is to spoil it, to create the atmosphere of hate, to make it so stinky that normal people won't want to touch it" [SLNewYorker]

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I want to send some small, low-value items to some people all over the U.S. and world. Many of them would prefer to not just give me their address. So I need a middleman: someone that will take their addresses and ship the items for me without me ever knowing their addresses. I'm not trying to start a store to make money off of this. I just want to do something simple and nice on a limited basis.I made these iron-on patches for a gaming group I created within a subreddit on Reddit. We host a casual worldwide gaming party every six weeks or so. The first one went really well, so I thought I'd make some merchandise to make things a little more fun. I made shirts through Teespring, and that's going swimmingly. Teespring takes the orders, prints the shirts as I designed them, and ships them worldwide at the end of the campaign. Then I get the profits. Easy peasy. I also had an idea to have some patches made using the logo for the event. I found a brilliant patch embroidery company (Stadri Emblems for those wondering), and they made me 100 amazing patches and sent them to my apartment, as arranged. Uh oh, though. How do I get these patches to my people all over the world? Teespring's policy would not allow them to shove these patches in with the shirt orders for me. Fair enough. I asked that people who ordered shirts or who wanted patches send their address information to an email account I created for this event, and I would contact them with shipping and payment details and handle this small quantity of shipping myself. However, there was a lot of reluctance to do this. So, now I have 100 patches, and no secure way to ship them to people. What do I do? I contacted Shipito, which does this thing for the buyer. They provide an intermediate American shipping address for buyers outside the U.S. to purchase U.S. goods with cheaper shipping, then they ship them outside the U.S. using their excellent shipping options. They don't provide the service I needed as a shipper, but they suggested Fulfillment By Amazon as a possibility. I've read through the FBA pages as best I could, but I can't tell if this is too much or not for a small amount of low-value goods sent out once or maybe twice. I have NO experience selling online except on eBay. Maybe I should use eBay and just demand they give me their addresses regardless. I. Don't. Know. This is all getting too complicated for me. I'm just a guy who wanted to do a nice, fun thing. I was going to make the patches free for those that bought a shirt and $5 a piece for those that didn't. I was willing to put in the leg work to send these things out myself all over the world. I've sent plenty of things to perfect strangers before, and this never came up; they were just happy to get their stuff. Is there something out there that would work for what I've described? Should I delve into Fulfillment By Amazon, which looks like maybe more than I need? Again, I don't know. Help.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
We are a higher education IT operation - about 60 people - serving many internal and external stakeholders. We have significant transparency challenges internally in that there are multiple teams within IT and we often do not know what other teams are doing or working on, which can result in waste, duplication, and frustration. How do we get better?We also have transparency challenges externally in that our stakeholders don't understand our work, nor why we are often unable to respond quickly to their immediate needs. Communication is primarily up and down the chain of directors and individuals get to pick and choose who they include in projects and communications. We have a ticketing system for issues and changes, which includes a project component which is used for managing a handful of really big high-dollar projects, but the more mundane projects are not tracked, and every department within IT (let alone outside) documents and communicates about their work differently. Our leadership pushed us to Sharepoint thinking that would somehow solve our problem, but of course, without actual leadership, strategy and direction, it has not, and has a very poor internal reputation as a result. People still use whatever they feel like and even if everyone "used" Sharepoint, they would all use it differently. We have a tendency to buy tools thinking that they will solve our business process problems, and instead end up spreading staff more and more thinly. Our previous CIO tried to get us to adopt ITIL, but it's been only half-heartedly adopted. Our leadership is asking staff and team leads (of which I'm one) to help them solve these challenges. I see a number of high-level needs. At least one major need in my mind is to document ALL our projects and activities (current, future and past), but we need to do it in a lightweight way without overburdening staff, i.e. make it an integral part of our work process. When I talk about these kinds of things, it can be as simple as hiring a position, or replacing a technical component or upgrading software or what some ad-hoc committee might be working on. Personally, I'd like to ban email attachments, but no-one seems as enthusiastic about that as I am. We need to standardize our tool usage, using fewer tools well, and standardize our documentation practices. We have some Sharepoint-specific challenges with identity management in that our Office365 instance is our office only and not our affiliates. Ultimately, I'm assuming we need an intranet page (project dashboard) that reveals our level of activity to all stakeholders and allows an easy dive into any project or service that is of interest. How do others solve these challenges?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
It sounds familiar but I can't place it. For reference: the video

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
Last stop in Philadelphia: Hillary Clinton's Convention: Day 4 "I'm gay, so I feel like it's my second coming out party as a Democrat, to be free to wear my Hillary shirt," said Robin, who was wearing a 2008 Hillary campaign shirt and plenty of colourful Hillary pins, standing next to her wife. Livestream. Five things Hillary Clinton needs to do in her acceptance speech tonight: Explain what voting for her says about you. Politics is about identity, and this is something that for a long time, Republicans understood better than Democrats. When you cast your ballot, what kind of statement are you making about yourself and who you are? When people voted for Ronald Reagan, they were proclaiming themselves to be patriotic and optimistic. When they voted for Barack Obama, they were proclaiming themselves part of a new America, diverse and cosmopolitan and unafraid of the future. Fifty-two countries have had a female head of state already and Clinton would join Britain's second female prime minister, Theresa May, and German chancellor Angela Merkel at the top table of elected leaders were she to win the US general election in November. New Republic: Why the Bush Family Should Endorse Hillary Clinton Flashback: Hillary Clinton at the 1992 Convention "Hillary Clinton is that woman in the arena. She's been there for us, even if we haven't always noticed." [email protected] Checking In With The LGBT Caucus At The DNC Hillary Clinton will be introduced tonight by her daughter, Chelsea.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
For the next week, I'm staying in a house with people I would rather not see. I have a private sink, but no hot plate or garbage disposal. I need meal and snack ideas.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
i've been gifted a gallon bag of different peppers and would like some ideas on how to be use them. varieties are jalapeño, serrano, anaheim, chile dearbol, poblano, cascabel, and guajillo peppers. the larger ones have 3-4 and the smaller ones about 10. i would like to avoid something that involves setting my oven to 500 degrees, but might be wiling to try. also, i am (mostly) cooking for one.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
How crazy am I? I have a significant chunk of savings... almost enough in cash to do something i've been talking about doing for years. I'm not eating into my RRSPs, and I'm leaving 6 months of salary untouched... but I'm seriously debating spending all of the rest (and maybe a bit more via a small loan) to chase a dream. I feel it's a completely irresponsible thing to do and yet I really, really want to do it.For years I've been talking about moving into an RV and driving / working all across north america. Instead, a couple years ago I did the grown up expected thing (im in my late 30s now) and bought a townhouse in a suburb of Metro Vancouver's completely batshit insane housing market. I'm not regretting the purchase, there are some aspects I really like - but i'm not exactly content with it either. If i were a different, less risk adverse person I'd sell my house, buy an RV, load up the cats and set off. But I'm not that carefree risk-taking person. (All of this assumes I can take my job on road. It's not a guarantee, but it's probably doable). Instead, I'm thinking i should keep my house (and my mortgage) for now, buy an RV, and set off for 3 months. However, this will drain all my available disposable cash except my retirement money and 6 month contingency fund, and I might need a small loan to do things the way I want. I can't rent out my house while I'm gone (strata rules - a strata in BC is the same as an HOA everywhere else), so I'm stuck with that mortgage payment and strata fees while i'm gone. I almost have enough cash to finance the whole thing regardless... but not quite enough. Getting a loan should be pretty easy given my current financial situation. After three months I can re-evaluate -- keep travelling and sell the house, sell the RV, or figure out a way to keep both. I only have myself and my three cats to think about, no SO to have an opinion. That doesn't stop others in my life from expressing their worry and fear and downright disapproval however! Lately I've been very aware that life is really short, there's no guarantee I'll have my health, and I don't want to wait until I'm retired to do this -- there's no guarantee I'll make it that far. Maybe it's an earlyish mid-life crisis? Advice, mefites? How can I balance my internal battle to "do the adult responsible thing" vs the bucket list?

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
We need more fridge space - can I put a standard fridge outside?The fridge will be shielded from the weather and will live in the shade. Will this use lots and lots of electricity in summer (30 celcius)? In winter (-15 celcius) how can I stop the fridge from breaking - would unplugging it be enough? Thanks!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I bought an iPod Touch from a friend, but it was signed into his icloud account, and "find my ipod" was also engaged. The seller apologized, and told me he just signed off the device remotely. But when I try to erase the device, I'm still asked for its Apple password. What now? It's running the current iOs.I'm pretty sure he's not scamming me (i.e. didn't sell me a stolen iPod), as he's a distinguished corporate lawyer.

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
I need to create an easy visualization of some data and then overlay it on top of a map. Without resorting to coloring on tracing paper, can you help me with a digital solution?I am working with a group of folks (mostly neighborhood representatives, some park advisory boards, no specialists) and we have been tasked to come together and help advise the city on our big City Park. One of the more pressing issues is that some neighbors think the park is over burdened by permitted events and would like to see rest days implemented to ensure that the park is passive and pastoral more frequently. Another group of folks disagrees strongly and thinks its possible the park is underutilized and we could have more permitted events. To me it is clear that 1. no one really knows because "Parks" is reluctant to actually disseminate permitting figures and 2. its a huge park but really only one little zone/quadrant is very frequently permitted. To that end, I FINALLY convinced "Parks" to give me a spreadsheet of their permitted events for the previous year with the understanding, I wasn't going to distribute it and that I would only use this knowledge for good. To get a better understanding of usage I would like to measure each event's "impact score". I imagine this would be the estimated attendance (on a scale from 1-10) plus hours of impact . Then using the spreadsheet, I think I can get a good idea of where the event was. The park is thankfully pretty rectangular, so I was thinking of dividing it into a 4x4 grid, so 16 zones or whatever. Where the event is held would be coded/colored in/shaded whatever based on the impact score. There are three vehicular entrances into the park, so the zones containing the roadways would also get coded/colored in/shaded whatever, but perhaps weighted less since there are 3 generally equally used access points AND activity there would mostly be at the beginning and end of the event. Soooo..HELP! I can visualize how to do this by hand or with tracing paper, but I know there has to be an easier way. If I had a shapefile, maybe I could do it with GIS software, but I have neither the software or shapefile. :) Bonus: once I get this all in, can I do a visualization of say am vs pm use or winter vs summer etc? (Oh, and I have access to everything Google of course, but I don't have much of anything else) Thank you in advance!

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posted 2 days ago on metafilter
HBO has fired Gordon, Bob, and Luis from Sesame Street. But not Susan, apparently. My childhood has officially been stabbed to death. HBO and Sesame Street previously. Also: the article has an error: Alan Muraoka is NOT an "original cast member."

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