posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My parents didn't accept my boyfriend for about six of the seven years that we've been dating due to his physical disability. Now my younger sister has a new boyfriend whom my parents wholly and happily accept, and as childish as this is, this is bringing up all sorts of unpleasant feelings.My boyfriend has a physically debilitating illness (similar to MS). Because of that, my parents vigorously opposed me dating him, citing concerns that I would end up marrying him and unwittingly commit myself to a difficult future due to said illness. By "vigorously opposed," I mean that every time I visited home, they would yell at me for (literally) hours on end about him. I cried every time. Now my younger sister has a new boyfriend. I know nothing about him, and neither does the rest of my family. They don't even know his name-- they just know that he's male, educated, and ostensibly healthy. But they are thrilled that she has this (I must add, non-debilitated) boyfriend and are happy to support her were she to marry him in the coming months. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME. I am super upset about this perceived inequality of treatment and I feel like I am partially taking it out on my sister. This is not fair to her, but I don't really know where else to channel this upset. I just feel like, "jeez, mom and dad, you had to yell at me for SIX YEARS and suddenly my sister finds a guy who is educated and has all his limbs intact and that meets your standards?" To be fair, they never criticized my boyfriend's personality. This was solely about his disability, not about his character; my parents completely agree that my boyfriend is a wonderful, kind, and intelligent person. They treat him very nicely when he visits, admire and respect his character, invite him to family functions, and have, in the past year or so, started to accept that he is my boyfriend. They haven't yelled at me for about a year now. In some sense, they've "given up" on trying to convince me to break up with him. But I'm obviously still not over this. I have expressed myself to my parents, but they are maintaining that they are/were totally justified in being so concerned and the manner in which they expressed their concern, and I don't think they're going to budge. And yes, I know that my parents had a legitimate reason to be concerned for my future, and it is a parent's job to worry... but I also feel like six years was an awfully long time for them to so vigorously oppose my relationship with my boyfriend. Plus, I never even mentioned to my parents the possibility of marriage (we started dating in high school, and I'm from a region of the country where people regularly marry in their late twenties or early thirties), so I felt like they were totally jumping to conclusions whilst voicing their concerns anyway. Secondly, it made my relationship with my boyfriend much more difficult, because we were long-distance and the only time I would see him was when I was visiting home to begin with-- being yelled at by my parents for seeing my boyfriend precisely during the few times I was able to hang out with him put a damper on things. As a result of their disapproval, I found myself constantly downplaying the importance of my relationship, tip-toeing around them and strategically spacing out the times I would leave the house to hang out with him. It was exhausting to be yelled at for hours and hours like that every time I visited home, not to mention that this made my boyfriend feel terrible about his disability and has understandably caused him to feel very ambivalent about my parents' displays of kindness towards him. So, now I'm at a point where I feel like I have no real venue to express my frustration beyond childishly taking it out on my sister and projecting my emotions such that I am very hung up about all the reasons why this new guy probably isn't good for her, blah blah blah. I have no real grounds to feel this way, because like I said, I know nothing about the guy. I don't know where to turn to process this and it's unfortunate that my relationship with my sister is bearing the brunt of the emotional anguish from six years parental disapproval. I am leaning towards being open with my sister and telling her the full story so that if I act in a ridiculous manner towards her dating situation, she can cut me some slack, but I don't know if I have it in me to do so right now, as I'm still in pain and I want it to be acknowledged. Additionally, this isn't something I can easily talk about with my boyfriend as he was the very subject of contention. I am looking for healthy ways to go about dealing with this. I want my sister to be happy, and if her new boyfriend is good to her, then I'm happy, too. But this past history is getting in the way and seriously messing with me! I won't have the means to go to therapy for another two years, so please don't say therapy. Are there any questions I should be asking myself? Any anecdotes? Perspective? Things for me to read? Also, my parents come from a traditional country, so please, please take into account that the way they were behaving was likely culturally appropriate, even if it was difficult for me to swallow because I was raised in a different culture than they were. Please don't call my parents jerks; they're not jerks.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
How (not what) to tip in US Hair Saloons?Since I've moved to the US, 6 years ago I've had one hair cut at which I didn't know I had to tip. I would like to go to a nice saloon & get a colour cut & conditioning treatment and not be too embarrassed to return. While it feels like am supposed to tip every single person that comes within a yard of me I know it's just 20% for whoever cuts my hair, not sure how much for the colorist if it's not the same person, and then a couple of bucks to the person who washes my hair. Aside from just scattering notes like confetti as I leave how am I supposed to hand over the money, do I tip at each step? Do I run around the saloon afterwards trying to find people? What if they are busy with someone else by then? Can I just add it to my credit card as I leave and tell the receptionist who to pay? The one time I tried this last one at a nail saloon angry Korean ladies were angry in Korean at me. Can I use my debit card to get cash out when I pay if I find I don't have enough cash at the time (I don't use cash much)? I've got the hang of restaurant, cab, hotel & bar tipping Metafites please help me over this last tipping hurdle.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm moving to a new country next week. I was super excited about it, but now just feel sad. How do I deal with emotions surrounding this and get happy about it again?I've lived in a major U.S. city for the last five years. I accepted a job in a major European city (which I love) and I am moving next week. I've always wanted to live in Europe, and for the last month was thrilled about this. Now that the move is about a week away, I am totally in existential crisis mode = overthinking everything, having trouble sleeping, etc. In my current U.S. city I have a great network of friends, easy access to all of the hobbies I am passionate about, and at this point am generally content. In the new city, my employer has been extremely helpful but I only have one friend there, don't know the primary language, and am worried that I am going to get there and think, "seriously, I left what I had before for being alone in this place?" I know that weird feelings about moving and making a huge change in your life is totally normal, but I need to get back into a positive zone about it. How do I do this? Possibly relevant details: I'm an extrovert and am generally good at meeting people -- but on the flip side of this, get unhappy about long periods of time alone. I've lived abroad once before but it was with a boyfriend so it was a built in support network kind of. I'm more or less single in my current city, don't have debt or pets or anything so relatively unattached. Personal stories of your experience on this if you've done it would be 100% helpful.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
@Pixel_Dailies gives you a theme or subject every day for you to draw. They retweet and blog their favorites each day. The art club just had its first birthday.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
This morning, The New Yorker's Rachel Aviv exposed the case of Louisiana death row inmate Rodricus Crawford, a possibly innocent 23 year old man prosecuted by notorious Caddo Parish assistant district attorney Dale Cox; at the same time, the Supreme Court refused to halt lethal injections in Oklahoma (or, as some had hoped, nationwide) and recently exonerated and freed former death row inmate Glenn Ford lost his life to lung cancer. Aviv's excellent reporting details various explanations for why Crawford is on death row: because he woke up to find his infant son cold and not breathing in bed beside him, which a later medical examiner from out of state would insist was the result of pneumonia; because despite his and his family members calling 911 multiple times over the course of an hour, medial assistance was dismissive of the problem and late to arrive; because he lived in Caddo Parish, "home to the last capital of the Confederacy," a place that "in the decades after the Civil War . . . had more lynchings than all but one county in the South" and where "juries . . . now sentence more people to death per capita than juries in any other county in America," yet have never sentenced a white person to die; and because he came up against Cox, a "Darth Vader" like figure who emphasized at trial the fact that Crawford lacked a job and smoked marijuana, told the jury "that Jesus Christ commanded the death penalty for those who killed a child," and said to Crawford " 'It would be better if you were never born. You shall have a millstone cast around your neck, and you will be thrown into the sea.' " While many Americans were reading Crawford's story over their morning coffee, the Supreme Court, in a 5-4 decision, refused to strike down Oklahoma's lethal injection protocol, holding that the plaintiffs failed to show a likelihood of success on the merits of their argument: that the protocol (a new formulation in use because of anti-death penalty advocates' success at lobbying the more effective drugs' European manufacturers) was cruel and unusual punishment under the Eighth Amendment due to its ineffectiveness. In an unusual move, the majority opinion, a concurrence, and two dissents were all read from the bench -- Alito's majority opinion found the risk of severe pain to prisoners "scientifically unsupported and implausible" and emphasized that "the prisoners failed to identify a known and available alternative method of execution that entails a lesser risk of pain," a requirement for an Eighth Amendment method-of-execution claim. Scalia, concurring: "Welcome to Groundhog Day. . . . Mind you, not once in the history of the American Republic has this Court ever suggested the death penalty is categorically impermissible. The reason is obvious: It is impossible to hold unconstitutional that which the Constitution explicitly contemplates." Sotomayor, in dissent: The Court "leaves peti­tioners exposed to what may well be the chemical equiva­lent of being burned at the stake." Breyer, in dissent: "But rather than try to patch up the death penalty's legal wounds one at a time, I would ask for full briefing on a more basic question: whether the death penalty violates the Constitution. . . . I shall describe each of these considerations, emphasiz­ing changes that have occurred during the past four dec­ades. For it is those changes, taken together with my own 20 years of experience on this Court, that lead me to be­lieve that the death penalty, in and of itself, now likely constitutes a legally prohibited 'cruel and unusual punishmen[t].'" Breyer identified the cases of Cameron Todd Willingham [previously] and Glenn Ford [previously] as influencing his view. In a sad twist of fate, Glenn Ford died this morning, free and surrounded by loved ones. The Louisiana assistant district attorney who continues to insist Ford received adequate trial representation and fought to keep Ford from receiving restitution for the years he spent in jail? Dale Cox. Cox's response to Ford's case? "I think we need to kill more people." The title of this post comes from Furman v. Georgia, the 1972 Supreme Court case that (temporarily) halted the death penalty in the United States.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'd like to build a side income source where I can reliably make an extra $500-$1k a month. I want to do it using Ebay and/or Etsy.I have a good eye for things, so scavenging for items and reselling them comes to me easily. However, I am open to creating original products for sale, as well - depending on what it is and whether or not it is profitable. I'm crafty in general; I also have intermediate sewing and knitting/crochet skills. I'm not bad with the Dremel. In general, I don't fear most craft projects as long as it doesn't come with a super steep learning curve or equipment investment (i.e. welding). I'd like it to become profitable enough to yield an income of an extra $500-$1k a month, preferably $800 a month on average. I do work full time, but I'm willing to put in whatever additional hours are necessary to make this happen. What can I sell? What niche markets should I consider? Am I dreaming?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I've been working in the public sector for about eight years, aside from a stint at the start of my career in the IT and nonprofit sectors. I started my public sector career right after graduate school in public administration (in 2007), and I have been in government ever since. I'm thinking about the value of an EMBA or some other sort of business certification that can build some of the skills I didn't get.I have a Masters in Public Administration, which I finished in 2007. While I enjoyed it, I didn't take a lot of the classes that I think would have benefitted me in my current career - I'm lacking a lot of the finance and accounting coursework that would have been helpful, since I did my MPA so early (finished when I was 26). I'm 34 right now. I am interested in a program that builds skills, that would offer a part-time or weekend opportunity to study, and that is full of people further along in their careers, not people fresh out of undergrad or with only 1-2 years of experience. Less concerned about program prestige, and more about the ability to learn from an experienced cohort and gain skills/experience. I have a solid career and make an excellent salary, and a huge salary jump isn't the primary reason to seek this out, which is why I'd lean towards cheaper programs or a certificate (particularly because I work in the public sector). I'm open to switching to private, though. MeFi, any experiences or thoughts from doing a similar track? From those that have done EMBA programs, did you feel like they were worth it? And for those in the public sector - given the lesser chance of ROI, how did you decide to go or not?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I foolishly promised a week of interesting evening Seattle dates, but then the potential of shutdown got me swamped by work and I forgot about it until now. Since the first one needs to start in - I have a car, so getting around is not a problem but parking might be. - I do not like to walk, especially up and down hills - Nothing super expensive, moderate is okay - Nothing that requires special clothing - Must be unusual - can't just be 'dinner' unless the dinner itself is weird/awesome. - No dance clubs.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I can't decide between doing a day trip from Osaka to Himeji and doing a day trip from Tokyo to Hakone. Can you please help, given the following facts?This is for October. Here's where I'm coming from: -- I grew up in a Japanese household, have been there several times and have already seen a variety of sights from rural to urban, so it's not a case of "____ will give you a better idea of what Japan is like." Assume I'm already familiar with the country and culture. -- Using the JR pass, so train cost isn't a factor. Travel time may be, however. -- It's the Open Air Museum that's drawing me to Hakone (though I plan to explore elsewhere, too). Is it worth it? -- It's the castle that's drawing me to Himeji. Is it really worth spending the time to get there, given that I've already seen many other famous Japanese castles? (I'm aware of the restoration that finished in March.) -- We have no other day trips planned from Tokyo but we are planning two other day trips from Osaka. It'd be helpful to hear your thoughts even if you've only been to one of the two sites. Thanks!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I used to be happy with Lands End "super tees," but over the years, I guess to maintain their price point, they've gotten lighter and flimsier. What made me think there has to be a better product out there was watching Michael B. Jordan in Fruitvale Station this past weekend. (I wouldn't want such generous sizing, but that's just a matter of ordering something smaller, right?) I'm looking for plain t-shirts in a variety of colors, no graphics. Help?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My partner, who currently shoots with a vintage Nikon FG 20, wants to get a DSLR camera. What's the best entry level, consumer-grade DSLR out there for under $600? Must be available from Best Buy as we're trying to use up a gift card; must come with a lens (or be cheap enough to add a lens and still be under $600).

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"A recurring complaint is that not enough of our young people and adults have the kinds of competence the coming century will require, largely because not nearly enough are choosing careers that require the skills of STEM...The US has all the high-tech brains and bodies it needs, or at least that the economy can absorb."

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm switching hosts. I'm using gmail to run a domain specific email account. think [email protected] as an example. I switched providers to GoDaddy. They've been incredibly helpful. But I can't get the E-mail to work right.GoDaddy says the issue is likely that I need to verify my domain with either a CNAME or TXT file. There are very specific instructions on how to do this for google. They say I need to find a "unique security token provided in the Google Admin console's verification instructions." Except I can't get to the verification instructions in the Google Admin Console. I can sign in there fine, but answerers to similar questions on help forums say I need to click on a button that does not appear on my admin console. It seems there has been a change in the format of the admin hub and I don't know where the new button is. It does not appear on my computer screen.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I need to upgrade from Mac OS 10.7.5 to OS 8 to use a tool for work. Should I just go ahead and upgrade to OS 10.10.3? I ask because the 10.7.5 works just fine and I'm inclined to leave well enough alone unless as now when I need a later version for work. Is the upgrade (to whatever version) buggy, complicated, worth it? Thanks.I have an iMac (5, 6 years old, maybe) with a 3.06 GHZ Intel Core i3 processor and I've got 414.25 (of 5) GB left on the hard drive.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My wife and I like the idea of taking our son on a pair of one-on-one vacations, one with each parent, to build special memories with each parent. We'd like to extend the offer to our beloved nieces, whose immigrant parents couldn't afford these kinds of trips, but I'd appreciate any input on whether that sounds grandiose or distasteful.Years ago, my wife and I met a father who had a deal with each of his kids: when they turned 8, they could pick a domestic destination for a one-on-one vacation with just their mom, and when they turned 11, they could pick a foreign destination for a one-on-one vacation with just their dad. He said it helped each kid make special memories with each parent, and wanted them to do a little extracurricular research about the world (they had to prepare a little presentation about why they picked that destination, what they wanted to do there, etc.) My wife and I have enjoyed travelling ourselves, and we thought that it seemed like a charming and lovely idea that we wanted to emulate. Now we have a beautiful baby boy, and we still want to do it when he gets older. But we also have two nieces, ages four and six, who we see every week and love like they were our own daughters. We've been talking about making the same deal with them. (We can easily afford these kind of trips, but couldn't really afford to extend the offer to the whole nine-person family.) However, I wanted to appeal to the wisdom of the hive-mind about whether we're overlooking anything, or if we might be being insensitive. Our nieces are my wife's brother's kids. She and her family are native to the former Soviet Union. My wife has been here for ten years, and sponsored her family's immigration to the U.S. She/ we have provided extensive financial and logistical support over the years, and are likely to continue to do so. Her brother hasn't learned English and works a minimum wage job three years after arriving in the States. His wife has integrated much better, learning English and gotten a well-paying white-collar job, but they're on the verge of a divorce, and the cost of two households is likely to be painful. My brother-in-law openly pines for his home country, and may end up returning. The girls adore us, and we adore them. We generally have a good relationship with our in-laws as well. I think that if we offered their daughters a pair of vacations that they could never afford themselves, they would feel obligated to say yes. But I've never been in their position, and I worry that they might resent it, or that this may be too grandiose or otherwise distasteful. As much as we love them, they're not our kids. What do you think? Is there anything you read here that gives you pause?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Hello, We have a car we can no longer afford, but we owe about $3K more than we could potentially sell it for and we cannot come up with that difference. We are in Nevada and I want to know if we turn the car over to the bank and they sell it, can they come after us for the difference in the balance and what they sell it for. Thank you.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
On conscience, morality, and Theodore Parker in part. "Look at the facts of the world. You see a continual and progressive triumph of the right. I do not pretend to understand the moral universe, the arc is a long one, my eye reaches but little ways. I cannot calculate the curve and complete the figure by the experience of sight; I can divine it by conscience. But from what I see I am sure it bends towards justice." -Theodore Parker, 1853.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I would like to buy an external CD writer (burner) for my shitty ASUS laptop (currently running Win8, will run WinX once update becomes free because I hate Win8). A cursory search at newegg.com finds them to be much cheaper than I had expected, which actually worries me. Anything I need to look out for? Note: I'd prefer to buy this sooner than later as I have a couple of roadtrips coming up and I like to make mixtapes for such journeys.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Are there any blogs or tumblrs that are a collection of the really beautiful shots that Game of Thrones does?I feel like this is a pure tumblr thing, and although I LOVE TUMBLR, I also find it a baffling mess to (why am I following a bunch of Hannibal bloggers?) so I'm hoping someone can point me in the right direction. I was watching some episodes from this season and really struck by how lovely some of the shots are. For example, there are some shots of Winterfell in The Gift that look like paintings: beautifully laid out and composed. I was wondering if anyone was making collections of these. I'm not looking for commentary on the shots (although that would be a nice bonus), or the screencaps that capture hilarious body language/facial expressions with funny captions. Nor am I looking for, like, screenshots of Robb and Theon with lines from Richard Siken superimposed on top.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
What's the best ice pack to use in a cooler when car camping? Has anyone done scientific reviews of the various kinds? Is there any difference between the various brands of refreezable ice packs? I'm asking about these sorts of things.Presume I know about efficient packing, bags of ice, blocks of ice, dry ice, using multiple coolers, keeping beer cool in the stream, etc.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I found fresh raccoon droppings in my backyard this morning. Yuck. I carefully scooped out the mess and some surrounding pebbles (about 8 x 8 inches total), double bagged it, poured about a gallon of freshly boiled water around the area, and added a couple of cups of bleach for good measure. (The shovel got boiling water, too.) Results. But given the fact that I'd rather not have residues of dried up shit and roundworm in my yard, should I remove more of the pebbles and re-treat the broader area with boiling water?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
A friend in New York City is in crisis and I think needs to go to a psychriatric hospital. The one they've been to previously has since closed and they are reluctant to go to a place they know nothing about. I'm in Florida so I'm no help with this. Can any of you recommend which hospitals in Manhattan should be considered - or as importantly, avoided?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I would like to figure out how to make a wireless network inside my house that doesn't interfere/interact with my regular cable modem/wifi. Details to follow ...I have standard cable company Internet at my house, plenty robust enough for Netflix and anything else I might do, and it all runs on the cable modem/WiFi router that Comcast installed for me. No complaints at all, I'm perfectly happy with the setup. I also have several older Macbooks/iMacs, all of which have wireless cards that are of a slower variety than my current setup. I'd like to make a network of just those machines to talk to each other inside the house only, say for file sharing and printer sharing and music, etc, but I want to have that network be completely separate from my regular Internet WiFi. Because a network operates at the speed of the slowest thing attached to it, right? So if I put an old, slow Macbook on my 2015-speed WiFi it would slow everything in the whole house down, right? a) Is there some reason I don't know of that makes this a bad idea, and b) How would I do this, or what kind of things do I need to be asking Google to dig up instructions? I don't know how to search for this ...

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Have you ever travelled to a country in the aftermath of an economic crisis or default? What was it like? Could you tell anything was different as a tourist?(Yes, we did book tickets to Greece in October for our honeymoon. No, that was probably not the best idea.)

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My wife & four kids & I will be in St. Paul for a long visit in the middle of July. What should be on our schedule -- both things new in the last few years, and time-tested favorites? I grew up in St. Paul but moved away a long time ago; we bring the kids out in the summer to spend time with family. We haven't been out in a couple of summers, so I want this one to be awesome!We have four kids, two girls and two boys, ranging from 16 to 7 years old; we'll be staying with relatives in St. Paul; and we'll have a car. We are coming from New England, so the weather won't be a shock but all the outdoorsy stuff will be a little different. Of course we will go out to the Mall of America (Lego store!), go up to the lake (Vermilion), hit the best gift shop in the Cities (at the MN History Center), check out a mile-high pile of books from the public library on Grammie's card, and re-visit a bunch of other favorites. How are these ideas (mostly for the kids)? The old dioramas at the Bell Museum of Natural History Fort Snelling Drive out west to Sacred Heart to see the relatives' farm (and the edge of The Great Plains) Minneapolis Institute of Arts The new Saints park Cool, weird stuff like the Dairy Store at the U of M, down the block from the Raptor Center We have done Ely and the Wolf Center; have been to Highland Fest (but not climbed the Water Tower!); have been to Duluth; have visited the Northwest Company trading post near Pine City; been to the MN Science Museum and Children's Museum and the awesome Mill City Museum, though not in a few years; gotten ice cream after a trip to Stillwater; and taken photos of the kids bewildered among the Walker Sculpture Garden. Is there anything going on for the Como Conservatory's centennial? Are there must-do ice cream places (Grand Old Creamery > Izzy's)? Anything good at the Mpls. lakes (asking as a St. Paulite)? Any other neat things at the U of M, or other colleges? Thank you for any ideas!

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