posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Love is not Enough is a fantastic breakdown why Love, as many people imagine it, is not all that is needed for a healthy relationship. It then provides realistic suggestions as to what you do need when choosing a partner. Just because: All You Need is Love Love is Not Enough

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am looking for contact information for a specific person, and since all of my leads have been exhausted, I'm thinking about using one of those sites like Spokeo to reach them. Is there any good information out there on which of these is the best and/or anecdotal information about which of them is best?This is for a reporting project I'm working on. Just trying to locate a phone number.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Throughout my professional life, I've tried to maintain a basic level of privacy. I come from humble roots, and I don't seek to draw attention to myself. . . . At the same time, I believe deeply in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, who said: "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?' " . . . While I have never denied my sexuality, I haven't publicly acknowledged it either, until now. So let me be clear: I'm proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My passport expired, and thus I am having a time getting the correct i-9 documentation for my new job. I am told I need originals of all documents. How do original birth certificates work?My mother overnighted me my Louisiana birth certificate, and it has a phrase on it that troubles me and makes me worry it won't work for my purposes: "this record is valid for birth only." Googling on that phrase finds me adoptees and soon-to-be cruise-ship-passengers who also have that stamped on their Louisiana BC and are similarly confused, but there aren't answers. Basically, I need to know if this version of my birth certificate is an official document that I can use for i-9 purposes. I was told I cannot use a copy--and this is absolutely not a photocopy; it has raised ink for the seal and the border. It's the "valid for birth only" that confuses me. Here is a picture. For reference, compare it to Bobby Jindal's, which I found while I was trying to see what an official Louisiana birth certificate should look like. Before you ask, yes, I know I could use my social security card, but alas, I don't know where it is. It is likely somewhere in a large storage unit that, if you tell me my birth certificate won't work, I will spend the next three days going through.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Countless articles have been written about General Motors and its massive recalls earlier this year. What hasn't been fully told is how GM might have gotten away with multiple counts of consumercide were it not for the efforts of three men: a Georgia lawyer, a Mississippi mechanic, and a Florida engineer. How an unsafe ignition lock helped kill tens of people and the people who found out the truth about it.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Semi-newbie knitter question - I want to make this blanket, but I don't want it to be baby blanket-sized; I want it to be twice as big so as to potentially be used by an adult.I feel like maybe this is a stupid question but humor me: Assume that I intend to use the same size needles/same gauge as specified in the pattern In order to double the size of the blanket, is it really as simple as just doubling all of the instructions? For instance, the pattern (free download at the link if anyone wants to take a look) says initially to cast on 135 stitches on a circular needle - to double it, should I just cast on 270 stitches? Another example: early on in the pattern it says to knit 10, purl to last 10 stitches, then knit the last 10. Does this mean I should knit 20, purl to last 20, then knit the last 20? It seems straightforward, but seeing as I am a really new knitter I have no idea of there might be repercussions in whether the pattern will come out properly if I do it this way. Am I on the right track?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
She would dump the two-timing jerk, but then she'd be out on the street. Help.Asking for a friend. I'm trying to come up with a plan to get her back on her feet. I know you're not giving legal advice. Let's call them Johnny and Mary. This is in New York state. They've been in a relationship (not married, although everyone assumes they are) for 23 years, living in the same house for 15 years. The house is in his name, and he's the one who has always paid the mortgage. She bought the food, paid for entertainment, and bought furnishings and repairs for the house. Now they're splitting up in a messy breakup - Johnny's got a new girlfriend on the side and it appears he wants to break up with Mary. Or he might just be having a midlife crisis, but wow, it's a doozy. Mary would leave, but she'll be absolutely penniless, starting over again at 60 years old. She has no savings, no IRA. She's self-employed but it doesn't pay a lot, and she has a fairly hefty car payment (she needs the car for the job.) I see the first steps to be: (1) make an itemized budget to figure out exactly how much money she has and (2) talk to a lawyer. I'm looking for resources for her - advice, anecdotes, places to find inexpensive legal advice, displaced homemaker counseling and any other ideas I'm overlooking that could help her. Thanks.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
A visual analysis of skateboarding's Battle at the Berrics.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
In a Slate Article by David Rosenberg, side-by-side images and descriptions illustrate the "dual lives" of those coping with mental illness.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Amy Poehler on What It Was Like to Tape Saturday Night Live While Pregnant (SLVulture)

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The organizers of this Sunday's NYC Marathon have a pretty shitty map; is there a better one available? I'm hoping for something overlaid on Google Maps or some such equivalent. Bonus question: how do I gauge what time the elite runners would be running by a given spot?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Sofiya Tolstoy's Defense [The New Yorker] In her own writings, Leo Tolstoy's wife offered a rebuttal of the views that he set out in "The Kreutzer Sonata." "The Kreutzer Sonata" caused an international scandal at a time when sexuality and gender roles were the subject of widespread debate. Banned both in Russia (where Tolstoy had long struggled with the censors) and in the United States, the novella led many men and women to embrace celibacy and modesty, in keeping with Tolstoy's Christian asceticism, which also emphasized nonviolence, vegetarianism, physical labor, and poverty. One particularly enthusiastic young Romanian castrated himself. Other readers were appalled. In 1890, Zola told the New York Herald that the novella was a "nightmare, born of a diseased imagination." Tolstoy himself had his doubts. In an 1891 letter, he wrote, "There was something nasty in The Kreutzer Sonata ... something bad about the motives that guided me in writing it." The Kreutzer Sonata and Other Stories by Leo Tolstoy. Full text of The Kreutzer Sonata in the original Russian.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The harmony singing of Pacific Islanders is very distinctive. It has a brightness to it, almost an artificial loudness. Why?I went to Tonga sometime in the 1990s and went to a small island church that was in mourning. The congregation sung a lot and well. The hymns were traditional western hymns but the singing was not. The harmonising was somehow distinctively Polynesian - to my ears, "brighter" at the upper middle and top. A few years later I visited Taiwan. I went to the middle of the island to see the sights along the cross-island highway. My bus stopped at a hotel and we went walking. But somewhere in the hotel there was a choir singing. And it was the same as in Tonga. Startlingly so. It seems Polynesians came from Taiwan. I understand that. And I understand that a distinctive style of singing could well have survived the travel to distant lands and the adoption of new religions. But what I don't understand is what makes the style of singing so distinctive. I've asked this elsewhere before - apparently it bugs me every seven years.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am a female with short dark blonde hair. It suddenly occurs to me that I need a Halloween costume, but I hate wearing wigs and I'm not going to color my hair. What can I dress up as that makes use of this hairstyle? We've already got Claire Underwood, Switch from The Matrix, Twiggy, and Patricia from the movie Breathless on the list--so we don't need those.My husband is possibly going as Thor, and we'd be down with a couples superhero costume if anyone has any ideas.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I bailed on Agents about halfway through series one. I'm now hearing that S2 is much improved and would like to start watching again whilst wasting as little time on any remaining terrible episodes as possible. Please help; possible spoileriffic details after the cut.Judging from the AV club roundups, I'm pretty sure I made it as far as "The Bridge" or "The Magical Place" in the first season. I am also aware that Agent Blandy McBlanderson takes a heel turn at some point. So - are the remaining episodes of S1 good enough to be worth watching? Are there some pivotal ones I should catch? Is there a decent summary somewhere online that would suffice? (fwiw I've seen all the movies. thanks all!)

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Argh, so here goes, my first MetFilter question. I'd love some perspective here on whether I have a reason to be as worried as I am or whether, in fact, I'm overreacting - and any tips of ways to cope and not act out self-destructively would be very good.I'm trying to write as clearly as possible but apologies if it's a bit messed up, I've had a mostly sleepless night due to worry about this and I think some sort of fluey thing. I have a tendency to worry myself sick occasionally, pretty much only about men and pretty much the same sort of thing - horrible thoughts going through my head about how they're not interested, worried I'm being needy and that they can tell I'm this worried, that I'm going to sabotage every relationship etc. Anyway. Im 30, female, and live in London. I've never really dated much in the American sense, so seeing several people at the same time, not getting attached etc. I've tended to be a serial monogamist in the past, from a young age. My last relationship ended in early Feb this year so it's been 9 months or so, and in that time I've dated one person casually and had a few more casual hook-ups. It's been kind of fun, definitely less stressful than my last relationship as it came to an end as I felt incredibly on the backfoot in that one and insecure to a horrific degree for the last few months (with some reason, we weren't getting on and the more insecure I was the more he pushed me away, etc etc. He also behaved in ways which made me uncomfortable but which weren't 'wrong' per se, so I stayed for much longer than I should because I felt like I was being silly and should be able to handle his high number of female friends, the slightly uncomfortable situations he put me in and the fact he could be quite critical during sex - 'dont whisper', 'dont bite your lip' - and I felt like he liked to dress me up too much - I felt a bit like a performing doll). I've now been dating someone once a week for around 7 weeks. We met five weeks before that at a mutual friend's party, where this guy was quite open about liking me, stayed with me all evening past when his friends had left, and asked me for my number at the end. We had a great date the next week, before he then went on a month's trip to India, where we stayed in touch. Whilst away, he fairly frequently went for anything from a day to five days without texting back, I think partially because of reception and partially just out of choice. I remember feeling a little insecure about the time when he didnt text back for five days, and texted him to ask if he was alive (was worried as he was riding around on a motorcycle), to which he replied back straightaway saying reception had been patchy. Anyway, I guess I'm going into this detail to justify the fact that he's always been a bit patchy at communication - sometimes texting straight back, sometimes waiting for a day (last week he had a big project deadline which is why he was unresponsive apparently, though he had seen my texts because I could see that they'd been read on whatsapp). And every time I don't hear from him, say for two days, I go into a massive fluster, think it's over etc - putting him in the position of power. One time I felt this and texted him, and mentioned that my plans had been cancelled the night before, to which he replied that I should have let him know and he would have come and kept me company. I've enjoyed all of our dates so much, and I think he's had a nice time too. We slept together pretty early, but that hasn't seemed to affect things badly, though I do feel a bit like it'd be nice to have a date where we didn't end up in bed as perhaps this is making me feel a little insecure as I get more and more attached, and they always say not to sleep with someone too early etc. He's asked me out pretty much every time except twice (the last two times). I felt like maybe I should step things up a bit and show interest, but now I wonder if this was the right thing to do. We saw eachother twice last week, but this week when I asked about hanging out he's suggested Sunday as he has a party on Friday and another on Saturday to go to. He was sweet about this and said he had a date with a 'gorgeous girl' on Sunday, and he also sent me a text out of the blue this week to say that he'd been thinking of me and getting very distracted that day. But a little voice in my head thinks - why didn't he want to see me twice this week too, and why is he waiting until Sunday (which is over a week since the last date), and also - why can't he invite me to one of the parties? I then end up weighing up all the evidence in my head as to whether he likes me. Last night I noted down all the dates we'd seen eachother, and also who sent the nice follow up texts afterwards (I sent most of them!). I realise this is probably mental but it's like I want an answer now. My worries: 1) That we've been dating for seven weeks and we're not stepping up contact 2) That he doesn't want to be in touch much through the days, even though he gets a lot of messages on his phone when we're together which he mostly reads, and sometimes replies to, which indicates he's got some people he's regularly in touch with (other women?) 3) That he didn't feel he could invite me to one of these parties 4) That he just sees me as a shag with nice times attached 5) That I'm getting really attached because he's wonderful and if he ends it or I f*** it up I'm going to feel crap 6) He's got tinder on his phone. I know a lot of people have this and don't use it but....all those late night whatsapp convos he's having with people who aren't me...? 7) Last week he said that he'd had a female coursemate stay at his two nights in a row because they needed to get this project finished (he does art so they were making something). I guess he volunteered this info but could it have been a hint? Mitigating factors 1) He's just started an intense full-time masters course whcih has evening lectures - I know some finish at 7, I think some might finish at 9 but haven't asked him. And he warned me early on that other people who have done the course say that you pretty much don't have a social life apart from with those on your course 2) He could be trying to make friends at the party on Friday night, because it's at his new university, and me being there might cramp his style. He has been to one party already and out in the bar but he did miss the 'biggest night of the year' for a date with me on week two. Party number two is at his brother's house - he might feel wary of introducing me? 3) Last week while we were on our Friday date he mentioned he'd forgotten that there was a party being put on by a company he worked with and would like to keep in touch with. I said he could go and he said he wanted to hang out with me, or that I should come (indicating he was at least willing to introduce me to some aquaintances). The next morning, he also offered to cook breakfast for us downstairs with all his housemates, who are his friends too, so that wouldve been an introduction but I chickened out! 4) He's a bit of an introvert who's not massively into parties and socialising, and he has indicated that he's crap at getting back to people but he's 'better than he used to be'. He checks facebook once every couple of days, has never updated it, and regularly has people saying 'I haven't heard from you / I don't know if you're alive' on his facebook wall, including family! This is very different to my last boyfriend, who was a social media whore and who I worked with so spoke to pretty much every day 5) He had a six year relationship which was obviously very important to him and ended four years ago. He has spoken to me a little about it and made it clear that he's over it but that it was a great relationship. I get the sense that when he decides to commit to someone, it's for a long time, and he hasn't mentioned anyone since. Our mutual friend says he gets loads of interest from people but is picky, and I know he's turned down a few people since we've been together and said that he thinks he's on to something good to our mutual friend I think I may be slightly projecting a 'I'm always busy, I'll take twelve hours to reply to your nice text' thing out of defensiveness and not wanting to be rejected, but that he may need a bit more encouragement. Despite being highly eligible an good-looking, I don't think he really feels that way. My question is, do I go ahead on my terms of what I feel to be reasonable level of contact, which means potentially feeling on the backfoot all the time and making me seem needy, do I play 'hard to get' which doesn't come naturally to me and which I'm worried will put him off, or do I just end this insanity now? It's so overwhelming right now, I guess because I'm sick too - but if he wanted a committed relationship, wouldn't he have called once by now, or suggested we see eachother more often, or bought our relationship status out in the open? I don't want to be the first one because I'd have no idea what to say and don't want him to think I'm desperate or needy. But the truth is, the less I know, and the more ambiguous he is about taking ages to text back, not being open, not wanting to see me more, the more psycho I'm going to act anyway! Background: Insecurity has been a common theme in my relationships, where for the most part there hasn't been much reason for it. But it's usually appeared a few months in, and never this early, and has gone away again in quite a few instances. My last boyfriend reacted so badly to it that I think it's made it into an even bigger thing for me, so any time I feel like I'm being mental if makes me even more mental. Case in point: I texted the guy today to say I'm sick (hoping he'll offer to come over and look after me ) and he's just texted back an 'oh no :(' - none of the usual kisses etc, and showing he doesn't necessarily see me as anything more than a good time girl. Should I just break it off?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Poor boyfriend just started grad school and has already strained his neck. Help me help him, please?He had really bad luck and hurt his neck bringing a book shelf into his room, and is still hurting a bit weeks after. He has bought a better pillow and is propping up his books on his desk, but I want to do more for him. I can't buy him a better desk, but maybe a massage blanket thingy? Even if you only know short (he is super busy) neck exercises he can do in his room, please let me know. Thank you!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
T-Pain performs without auto-tune for NPR's Tiny Desk Concert.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"It just might be the most classically animated teeth-gnashing and hair-flipping metal you've seen in your lifetime." Master animator Juanjo Guarnido had a successful Kickstarter to assemble a killer crew to make a music video for the "face-meltingly awesome" Swedish metal band Freak Kitchen. The finished video Freak of the Week is a tour de force of Old Skool hand-drawn animation, and I believe it rocks pretty hard. Guardino was a lead animator on Disney's Tarzan and is now notable as the multi-award winning artist of the hard-boiled anthropomorphic noir comic Blacksad.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
georgelucasfan1 here. I was a little boy in 1979 when Episode 3 The New Home came out. These films and shows have been a big part of my life. And I would like to share with you my Star Warms knowledge. So step into my Millionaire Falcon, as we take a...... 'warp tour'... of these alien races that lived in this galaxy far, far ago. Neil Cicierega's Guide to the Races of Star Wars

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
So a few years back i heard a song and just now went back to my jazzy list on youtube only to find most of the videos deleted.. the tune was as far as I remember very upbeat, featured lots of blow instruments and percussion. and I believe it also was in a commercial at the time, and from what i've been able to research it isnt on any ok-go tune availible on spotify.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The Dissolve's "Movie of the Week" on this week leading to Halloween has been The Blair Witch Project, which it describes as "the most widely despised great horror movie". They discuss the legacy of the film fifteen years after its release and the future of the genre that it helped to create: found-footage horror. And where are the people who made it these days? Heather Donahue is growing pot. Josh Leonard is still acting (Michael C. Williams less so). And the directors Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez seem to want to catch that same lightning in a bottle, but with very underwhelming results.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
One day in the fall of 1981, eight men in their 70s stepped out of a van in front of a converted monastery in New Hampshire. They shuffled forward, a few of them arthritically stooped, a couple with canes. Then they passed through the door and entered a time warp. Perry Como crooned on a vintage radio. Ed Sullivan welcomed guests on a black-and-white TV. Everything inside — including the books on the shelves and the magazines lying around — were designed to conjure 1959. This was to be the men's home for five days as they participated in a radical experiment, cooked up by a young psychologist named Ellen Langer.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
So I'm doing my Working Holiday in Australia and I purposely started in Sydney so I could experience the big New Year's celebration here. I did NYC's ball drop in Times Square 3 years ago, and New Year's Eve is the biggest holiday of them all for me. I need the 101 on what NYE in Sydney is like, and what I should do.I'm trying to gather an idea of what I can expect come December 31st here in Sydney, just two months from tomorrow. Today an Australian told me that I probably should have already decided what I'm doing for New Year's, and I suspect that's true. So off I went Googling. One thing to note is that I do already have accommodation, as I live in the CBD. So no need to worry about that. Firstly, what is New Year's Eve in Sydney like? I know about the fireworks surrounding the Harbour and all that, but beyond that I don't know much more. When I did the ball drop in Times Square back in 2011, I knew what to expect. I got there at 6am and stayed until midnight. It was fun. So what do in Sydney? Yes, there's parties. Yes, there's fireworks. Yes, it's crazy. But what's the area around the Sydney Harbour like? Is it an all-day thing like in New York's Times Square? I'm going to be doing this by myself, and I'm not interested in going to some indoor party far away from where the action is. I did the Times Square ball drop because I wanted to do what I grew up watching on TV. New Year's is a seriously big deal to me, it's like a religious holiday for me. And I'm prepared to spend a bit of money. I see that the Opera Bar has a party going on with a front-row view of all the fireworks, for which I can buy a ticket to at a price of $390 AUD. Drinking alcohol isn't as big of a deal as meeting people and celebrating the New Year by watching the fireworks, but I do love drinking as well. I'm also not opposed to standing somewhere for 12+ hours to get a good view, if that's what people do around the Harbour like they do in Times Square. Would you say going to the Opera Bar would be the best for me given my criteria? Is that what I should be doing based off what I'm expecting to get out of this New Year's? Doing something at Darling Harbour doesn't really sound interesting to me, and even from doing some Googling I can't really get a sense of what Sydney is really like down in Circular Quay that night. The past 2 New Year's have been letdowns for me, because well, nowhere in the USA really does it like New York. So I'm looking to do it big in Sydney. Many thanks!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm a huge fan of Susanna Moore's 1995 thriller, In the Cut, and have been looking for books that remind me of it in some way.An example of one that really scratched that itch was The Earthquake Bird by Susanna Jones. The similarities there are obvious-- shortish; on the literary side; erotic; violent. But I want to cast a wider net and would be willing to give up almost any one of those elements. So, if you have read and enjoyed In the Cut, what are some other books you happen to like? Thanks! (By the way, I have taken note of a handful of Metafilter threads in which In the Cut is mentioned. Often by me, heh.)

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