posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I have bad feet, but an even worst time trying to find a doctor to help me. My last doctor never read my chart before seeing me (~10 times), so he gave me a lot of cortisone shots. The new doctor is shooting lasers at my feet. I don't know how to evaluate anyone.I'm trying to find someone to help me with my foot pain, which is related to flat feet, extra feet bones, and arthritis in my toes (I'm mid-40s). I was seeing a doctor for 10 years who gave me old skool orthotics; then his office staff was impossible to deal with and I wound up wasting ~1 year trying to get help/see him/talk to my insurance. Moved to a new doctor who gave me 3 cortisone shots in less than 3 years which it turns out is REALLY BAD; other people tell me only 5 shots/lifetime are recommended for serious issues. I started to see a doctor I thought would be helpful; he prescribed a serious drug to stop the irritation in my feet, and then in my visit today I had on my feet: hot water, for a time; hot wax, for more heat therapy; electric shock to my toes; then lasers, to continue to try to reduce irritation. Is this normal? He says 5 weeks, twice a week, but a voice is telling me "quack"... What constitutes actual good foot doctoring?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Do you have examples (IRL or otherwise) of masculine-leaning women who are romantically partnered with men?I feel like "butch" and "masculine-leaning" can be kind of nebulous, so as a somewhat arbitrary cutoff, let's limit this to physical appearance, and say that these women generally eschew makeup, occasionally get called "sir" by strangers, and given a choice, would wear a suit to a formal event rather than a dress/blouse-and-pants/etc. Power tools optional.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
There's a woman at work I've been thinking of asking out. I just saw her profile on a dating site. How to ask her out?Do I ask her out at work? On the dating site, she will see that I visited her soon enough. Could I say hi through the dating site? Would that be creepy?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The only perk of academia that really panned out for me was the sabbatical. I earned a year without teaching or service and it was largely productive and glorious. It's over now. Not surprisingly, heading back to regular academic life sucks. Lots of things are exactly the same (my office still doesn't have windows and it still does have cockroaches) and some things are worse in terms of working conditions, colleague behavior, and academic bureaucracy. Please tell me what you did to make returning from sabbatical not feel like returning to prison after a glorious parole .I know that sabbatical and a tenured position are pretty much the definition of privilege, but another five years in an underpaid slog within a struggling program in a mismanaged university just to earn another sabbatical is feeling grim. What can I do to make it feel less like returning to the same old, but worse, and more like" I feel refreshed and I'm ready to take on old challenges?"

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The light had to be wound up like a giant grandfather clock every 30 minutes. Every 20 minutes we pumped up the air pressure to the paraffin. This was a subtle ruse to keep us awake and alert, as was the little hammer that banged away on the brass every second through the night. At the highest level the light itself burned and the giant mirrors, the reflectors, turned like a slow-motion merry-go-round supported on a huge bath of mercury. To light the paraffin you had to cause a mini explosion in the light room, allowing a small cloud of paraffin vapour to form in the air, shielding your face while igniting the gas with a burning taper.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am helping the local community garden with their communications. Are there any mailing list managers that don't get caught by the spam/promotions filter? We aren't marketing, just sending out information about community work days and tomato pests.I was in the middle of setting up MailChimp when I discovered that the messages sent via that route end up in people's Gmail "promotions" tabs. Research indicates that this happens with Constant Contact too. I am looking for a solution that will allow me to manage our mailing list easily, but without getting flagged as marketing. The garden participants change every year, as does the garden directorship, so a mailing list that is managed via a website and can be passed from director to director is ideal. Our gardeners are mostly elderly, so we don't want a solution that involves them changing their email settings or managing a whitelist.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I don't understand hacking. How is it done?How is hacking done? How is data stolen from a website? And how does a hacker change things on a website, like with what happened to Leslie Jones' website today. Is hacking done with a browser? Or with terminal? Does a hacker have to have a password to hack? I don't know much about computers at all, and I'm just curious to know the basics of how it's done.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm going to be flying a lot over the next year, as much as a few times per week. These will almost all be long flights, both cross-country flights in the US and overseas trips. What are your best tips to feel good and not get sick?I often get colds while traveling. I've read the other threads on this, and I've loaded up with nasal spray, zinc lozenges, a pashmina, etc. I want to be more prepared and ward off illness during this long year of frequent travel. My special snowflakes: - I will have a permanent place to stay in most of the locations that I'll be flying to. So I can keep vitamins, fresh food, warm clothes, or whatever I need there. What should I keep at each end? - I will be flying from warm places to cold places and back, so I'll be encountering very different weather. What has worked for you to protect you against illness caused by environmental change? - I'm going to end up having some red-eye flights. What are your best tips for feeling good during the flight and being sane at the destination? - What should I do before I leave each place, in the air, and when I land to stay healthy? - I will be in major cities, with access to medical care, massages, etc. in each place, if needed.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Is it possible to maintain a polyamorous relationship where my partner's other partner is someone I despise? I am very much in love with someone who is married to a person I have met, talked with, and entirely hate. Do metamours typically get along? Should they in order for a relationship to be healthy?I know ultimately it's my decision to remain involved or not - that I'll have to decide if the pain of this scenario outweighs the benefit. I feel like this scenario is relatively rare and that I haven't talked to very many experienced poly people, or people who've been in situations that resemble this one. I'd love to hear from anyone who has an opinion or has been through something like this. Background: Jill and I met one another a few years ago and have grown close enough to establish a romantic long-distance-relationship. She's married to Jack, who is local to her. Jack is essentially my opposite. I am friendly and relaxed, he is controlling and stubborn. Jack and I had the chance to meet in person, and apparently it's "his thing" to corner Jill's potential new partners and deliver a long lecture threatening specific acts of violence if I were to "hurt" Jill. I shared with Jack my view that his action is harmful and unnecessary, and in this conversation I learned that I disagree with most of his views - things like "Jill needs to be protected, her happiness is secondary," "I know I'm hard to get along with but I believe I'm doing the right thing because she doesn't leave me," "I don't think violence is justified but I'm willing to make an expression of egregious violence my last act on this earth." Jill and I have what I believe to be an extremely rare connection: honest interest in one another's lives, physical calm and comfort when we're near, prolific sex. In essence, something I'd rather not give up. I've talked with Jill at length about her husband's views and behavior and she has assured me her husband is not a credible threat. Is there any way for me to see her as separate from him? Is that even a recipe for a healthy relationship? Jill says her husband makes her happy and I suppose that should be the extent of my concern for their relationship, as well as the extent of interaction between he and I. But, I have learned enough about him to hate him and now the idea of "you're with THAT GUY?!" permeates my thoughts to the extent that it diminishes my opinion of Jill. tl;dr: Has anyone maintained a poly relationship while ignoring a metamour? Has anyone endured feelings of loathing and found them to grow tolerable over time?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'm re-reading the Aubrey and Maturin books, this time on a Kindle. Is there a custom dictionary I can use as my normal Kindle dictionary?The first time I read the books, I plowed on through for the plot and adventure and characters. The second time I had A Sea of Words; Harbors and High Seas; and Persons, Animals, Ships and Cannon in the Aubrey-Maturin Sea Novels of Patrick O'Brian at hand so I could dork out. I'm reading them again, now on the Kindle. I still have my reference books, but I'd like to be able to look up words on my Kindle as easily as I do using the Kindle's dictionary -- I want to switch my Kindle's default dictionary to one that will have the nautical terms I want, ideally one written for O'Brian readers. Is this possible?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I want to sing in the car, both because I won't be overheard and because I'll feel happier driving (an activity that I find inherently tense and unpleasant). But, it's difficult for me to find albums whose songs mostly have a manageable vocal range and lyrics that are either familiar or somewhat accessible. What albums have you enjoyed singing along to while you drive? Thanks in advance for any help.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
What "Selling Out" Allows a Craft Brewery to Do (Serious Eats) Far be it from me to act as a propaganda arm for a $200 billion company headquartered in...uh, is it Belgium at the moment? But I thought it was time someone went to the original founders and employees of the numerous craft breweries that have been acquired, not just by ABI but by other corporate beverage behemoths, like Constellation Brands, Heineken, and Mahou San Miguel, to try to get the full story. What's been going on since these acquisitions—for better or for worse? Does anything actually improve when Big Beer buys you? Previously

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am 21 and I have never had a boyfriend. I've gotten to the point where I stare at other couples and start feeling depressed/sad. I do not really like the idea of online dating. I feel like anyone could easily find a significant other using a dating app and plus, you never know if you will get along with the person when you actually meet them. I am really shy ( I do not know if that is part of the reason why I have trouble finding someone to like me) and do not have any guy friends. I currently reside in Richmond, VA.I have never been approached by a guy/asked out/or had a guy ask for me phone number, but I think I am reasonably attractive (some people say I am pretty and once in a blue moon a random guy on the street will call me beautiful). Sometimes I will catch a guy staring-but this really does not happen often. I am in shape-5'6 and weigh 125 pounds. I tried joining some clubs on my college campus but none of the guys seemed interested in me. Since I said I am really shy, I am not the one to approach a guy myself. Another thing is that my family members (they also do not want me to engage in online dating) still question me as to why I still do not have a boyfriend yet, so I also feel pressured. Is it still possible for me to find love "offline"? Even though I feel unlucky, should I still continue to rely on "luck" to find a boyfriend? I just wish I could find someone to love me instead of crying at other couples whenever I go out.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Rings is a movie that is a sequel to the movie Ring, a heart-warming tale about a little girl who falls in a well. Here, she gets out of the well again and gets to meet lots and lots of people, including everybody on a plane! I mean she kills them all, but those are the times we live in.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
VictorianSerialNovels.org is a project by Dr. Robyn Warhol and her student Colleen Morrissey that helps you read Victorian novels in serial, as they would have been experienced by readers at the time. The site currently covers three time periods: 1846 - 1848, 1859-1861, and 1864-1866. Texts are sourced from project Gutenberg and Librivox (when available).

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Green Homes That Will Make You Want To Go Off The Grid And Live In A Forest If living in a tropical bamboo home nestled inside a green village on the island of Bali doesn't sound better than a skyrise apartment in a concrete jungle, then I just can't even.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Seeking optimal dining options in Omaha, at $20 or less a plate, within a 20 minute drive of the Old Market. Further parameters follow:One of us has dietary restrictions: no meat, no poultry (fish is OK), and an egg sensitivity—meaning cake is out, quiche is RIGHT out, but, like, *a* cookie is usually OK. The other has dietary preferences: nothing overly vegetable-dominated. Pork, beef, potatoes, pasta, rice, sushi, cheese, cheese, cheese, etc. We are sort-of foodies, and are willing to take chances on foreign food, but EVERYTHING VERY SPICY ALL THE TIME suits neither of us. Good wine options a plus. Very noisy environment, or strict dress code, not so much. Also relevant: we don't know Omaha AT ALL, so if it's anything too tricky to get to, we'd probably just give up.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am considering renting a car for good portion of an upcoming two-week trip to Portugal and possibly Spain. I have never rented a car or driven outside North America. I have some questions about this.My wife and I are considering renting a car for our trip to Portugal and Spain in late October/early November. I've rented cars and driven pretty extensively in the US and Canada (my wife less so, although she can drive), but have never driven or rented a car in Europe or anywhere outside those two countries. I am a bit nervous about this, but would like to do it because we have some financial flexibility here and a car seems like it would open up possibilities for exploring the countryside and out-of-the-way places. We have some itineraries in mind; generally they start and end in Lisbon and involve renting the car for about 8-9 days. I may do another question about that at some point but for now I have some questions specifically around renting a car and driving... -TRANSMISSION: We need an automatic transmission. I know this is not the norm in Europe, and everything I've read advises booking "well in advance" for an automatic. I would be renting in late October. How far in advance is "well in advance?" Is it already too late? -What are the odds that I book an automatic and we show up at the rental place and they don't have one for us? Or that we get stuck with some gigantic boat of a car (I prefer smaller cars, and I understand the roads there are often narrow)? What can I do to ensure that this does not happen? -Any tips for saving money renting an automatic? I've perused some quotes on Kayak; they seem a little high but not totally outrageous. Like I said, we have some financial flexibility, but we wouldn't mind saving some money. Everything else kind of hinges on the above...if we can't get an automatic, we're not renting a car... -INSURANCE: Do I need to notify my US car insurance of my plans and/or obtain any documentation from them? -Normally, I decline the extra insurance on rental cars and don't give it another thought. However, in this instance, I am somewhat inclined to load the car up with insurance, just for peace of mind. Is this silly? Is there any way (credit cards, AAA) that I can get this rental insured to the hilt without resorting to the exorbitant fees charged by rental-car companies? -DRIVING: I have read that drivers in Portugal and Spain are often very aggressive. How aggressive is "very aggressive?" Would their driving style shock someone who is used to, say, NYC and Boston? -Are there any traffic norms, rules, habits or situations that I should be aware of which I may not be familiar with? -COST: As I said, I've perused some quotes on Kayak, so I have some idea of the basic cost for a rental. But what of other costs, such as gas and tolls? I know gas is expensive, and the major highways are often (always?) tolled. What should we be budgeting for that? Obviously I'm kind of overthinking this, but thanks in advance for any and all help!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The best weddings (to me/us) seem to be the ones where the couple's tribe is invited to participate in some way. We'd love ideas for how to make this happen.After mostly coming to terms with the cost of our wedding, we are excited to plan a memorable event. We'd like to incorporate our people wherever possible. That doesn't necessarily mean asking them to contribute to the execution of the event (although we will do this, too). How can we make our event feel communal and incorporate our tribe? Here are some things we're already planning to do: - This - Handwritten notes to each guest/couple thanking them for coming and sharing a specific memory of that person/couple - Purchasing Trader Joe's flowers the day before and inviting family and friends to help arrange the day before the wedding Thoughts/ideas? If it helps, our wedding and reception will be a bright, colorful spring brunch event at an art gallery with about 80-90 people. Thanks so much!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Our lovely Russian blue has always had diarrhea, but is usually pretty good with going to the potty in the right spot. Now, however, he has started pooping right next to the litter box, onto the carpet. I sleep with him, and don't want to have to lock him up at night so would like to find a way to nip this issue in the bud. Help?Our Russian blue got weird about his pooping habits when we introduced a new cat into the house a while back, but things have settled and they've been on friendly terms for years now. The problem sprung up again maybe a few months or so ago, and I can't think of anything that might have brought it on. What he does is stand right next to his letter, defecate (again, diarrhea) onto the carpet, then scratch the wall/surrounding area for a while and leave. Then I commence the hazmat cleanup. The cats that don't like each other are segregated, and they all have their own litter boxes (we have five litter boxes for four cats). We've tried bigger boxes + smaller ones. We haven't tried a new brand of litter since he used to go in his litter box with no issues. I've noticed that he scoots his butt more across the carpet than he used to, so I suspect something's bothering him down there. His anal glands have been impacted in the past, but they've never interfered with his litter activities. I've also thought about changing his diet, since diarrhea is never good. We currently have him on I'm also going to try and vary the amount of litter in the box. I'm careful not to shame him or frighten him when he's in the act as I don't want to make him neurotic over the whole process. I talked to a vet over the phone and she said to bring him in to check his stools since he has diarrhea, which I'll be doing even though this has been going on for a while. Anyone have any ideas on how to mitigate the litter problem in the meantime? Can anyone think of a reason our cat would be defecating right next to his litter box? Anyone have any suggestions for fixing his bad habit? Please help me solve this so I can keep my lap cat in the main part of the house!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My phone keeps spontaneously shutting down even when there's plenty of battery life left.I've already installed a new battery but it didn't help. The shutdown happens about once a day. In order to get it running again, I have to plug it in and reboot. Any thoughts? Secondary question, if the phone is not long for this world, any recommendations? I'm reading that the new Motorola Z Force? Turbo? My carrier is Verizon but I'd like an ulocked phone in case I feel like switching some day. (Please don't recommend Apple phones, thanks.)

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
After almost two weeks of speculation, it has been announced in Nature: At a distance of 1.295 parsecs, the red dwarf Proxima Centauri is the Sun's closest stellar neighbor and one of the best-studied low-mass stars. Here we report observations that reveal the presence of a small planet with a minimum mass of about 1.3 Earth masses orbiting Proxima with a period of approximately 11.2 days at a semi-major-axis distance of around 0.05 astronomical units. Its equilibrium temperature is within the range where water could be liquid on its surface. (paywalled article w/ abstract) Scientists say they've found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri, our closest neighbor Reaching for the Stars, Across 4.37 Light-Years bonus link: http://stars.chromeexperiments.com/

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The Cuban CDN El Paquete is a weekly service where someone (typically found through word of mouth) comes to your home with a disk (usually a 1TB external USB drive) containing a weekly download of the most recent films, soap operas, documentaries, sport, music, mobile apps, magazines, and even web sites. Vox: This is Cuba's Netflix, Hulu, and Spotify – all without the internet

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I am visiting New Orleans to see some family with my two year old, so I'm looking for activities or places (touristy or otherwise) that would be good for family outings with my son. I'm open to anything, though parks and museums are probably the best bet. Even places just to spend an hour or two would be great.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I seem to remember seeing versions of the classic canvas- or leather-backed Nantucket ribbon belt that have weird/rude/subversive embroideries, little skulls or dicks instead of whales or boats. Am I imagining this?

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