posted about 18 hours ago on metafilter
How do I make up with a friend over a third party situation involving an animal?I've been friends with Marie for more than ten years. She's married and has four cats. I'm single. She works hard and they own their own place. My work is uneven and I rent. Our relative socioeconomic positions are relevant background in this story. I've fostered rescue cats a few times recently, and it's gone well. Then I was asked by the rescue organization if I could cat-sit an older cat for a few weeks. It was casual, no contract and no payment. The owner left me with her contact info but nothing about her vet. (Yes, we should've been more thorough, but that's beside the point now.) The cat was clearly not in the best of health although the owner insisted she was fine. But I soon found that the cat's appetite waxed and waned, and you could feel her vertebrae and hipbones. I contacted the owner and said I thought her cat should see a vet and she said no - she'd deal with it when she got back. The cat stopped eating, I called the owner, and she said once again, firmly, that she did not want me to take her cat to a vet. Then the cat stopped drinking. I phoned Marie and told her I needed help. One of Marie's cats is old, with bad kidneys – she rehydrates him regularly with a syringe – and I thought maybe she could help the cat hang on till the owner returned. Marie and her husband came over, looked at the cat and said "Vet! Now!" I called the owner and had her talk to Marie, who has a fierce side especially when it comes to animals. The owner agreed to a vet visit and we rushed over. The vet examined the cat then spent time on the phone with the owner, while Marie, her husband and I watched the cat. We were not surprised when the vet came back to tell us there was nothing she could do for this cat and that the owner had agreed it should be put down. So we all stayed with it while it was put down. We were all pretty shattered. Marie and her husband were good friends to me that evening, but since then they have been evasive. I know from things Marie said that she finds it incomprehensible that I didn't overrule the owner and take the cat in regardless. I think Marie feels that even though it could have cost me hundreds of dollars in tests and treatment if the owner had refused to pay, that's what I should have done, even though it would have been a much bigger blow to me financially than it would be to her. Normally Marie and I get together once or twice a month, sometimes just us, sometimes with her husband, with whom I get along well. I haven't seen them now for more than two months and have had no response to a couple of brief emails. I don't know how one "apologizes" or makes amends for a thing like this, because I feel that Marie probably thinks my choice about the cat has proven me to be cruel or shallow in a way that has changed her feelings about our friendship. Her decisiveness and ferocity were some of the things I liked most about Marie, but now I see their sharper side. Is this just a matter of time, or can someone tell me a story of facing traumatic events like this then finding a way to restore the friendship?

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posted about 18 hours ago on metafilter
I seem to be Fearful-avoidant according to attachment theory in adults. Please help me learn more about this way of dealing with people.I recently discovered that I seem to be fearful-avoidant according to attachment theory in adults. This was a big eureka moment for me because I'm not very in touch with my feelings, or into self-help literature. Fearful-avoidant does a great job of describing me. I experienced a childhood loss (parental suicide at a young age) and I do do have trouble letting my partners get "too close". My last five girlfriends have fallen in love with me, but I've been unable to reciprocate. Now, I feel guilty about dating because I'm afraid I'll just end up hurting my next girlfriend, and yet I yearn for a relationship. I also have extremely low feelings of self-worth. I have a few questions. Is attachment theory in adults a generally accepted dynamic? Please tell me if it's woo, or even on the woo side of things. Can anyone recommend any books, articles or websites related to fearful-avoidant attachment theory in adults? Any advice or personal experiences? And yes, I will be going to therapy.

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
I'm an artist and I haven't updated my web site in about 7 years. I have a lot of content and I want to make sure it's easy to access and understand, and compliant with modern web standards. Is there anything I absolutely positively MUST do/not do?I'm coding everything myself with HTML, PHP, and CSS, and I'll figure out some Javascript if it's absolutely necessary. The content: still images of artwork animated GIFs & videos video tutorials (these are hosted on YouTube and embedded) written-out tutorials (text and images) comics online store about page/résumé social media & contact info Things I'm not sure about: how should I split up all the different types of content? (comics, illustration, animation, tutorials, etc.) I'm worried about the site navigation getting too confusing. mobile/responsive design: should I even bother? It would help to hear from others what they have found good and bad in other people's portfolio sites. If you want the URL for my current site, please MeMail me.

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
I have a friend (living in the US) who's been affected by a puzzling case of right-body paralysis out of nowhere. 4 months into physical therapy, I'm afraid she's been misdiagnosed and we both want to fight for second opinion. How can it be done?An overseas friend of mine who lives in the US has been affected by sudden, mysterious paralysis of right side of her body. There's a possible link to recent outbreak of enterovirus D-68 in the US that causes people, especially younger kids to suddenly become paralyzed - but her medical team insists on the first diagnosis of conversion disorder, a psychiatric condition. The recent bout of similar cases has been described in medical publications and many online sources, like this. There's more than 100 similar cases in North America now. The currently is no cure for this condition, but not receiving correct diagnosis is going to degrade the chances of eventual recovery even further. I'm definitely not a medical professional, but it seems her medical team is not fully informed about other possible causes of this, and I'm not trusting them fully due to the first medical treatment at the hospital she went to after experiencing breathing problems being... awful. They tried to diagnose her with bi-polar disorder, which she does not have, along with plenty of other less than great decision handling, making for an awful, stressful experience. Since then she's transferred from one hospital to another several times but the base diagnosis remains the same. Physical therapy has been helping with recovering some control over her right-side limbs, but she's still very much disabled. The treatment has been going on for nearly 4 months now, and she's about to quit receiving therapy due to not responding well to the treatment - and is about to be transferred from physical therapy center to psychiatric unit again. I am afraid she's been misdiagnosed, and is not receiving the correct treatment. I'm lost on what are the options there, since I've never had any experience with the American medical system and insurance companies calling the shots on what treatment gets received. What's the best way to go about this?

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
I'm struggling to remember the name of a book I read from a school library around 1995. I remember very little other than towards the end of the story the hero was fighting some sort of machine or robot. He used a bow to fire wires/cables over the top of the robot. With each cable the robot became less powerful as he believed he was building a faraday cage which was weakening it's powers. However, it was a ploy and the robot was feigning weakness.There were perhaps tractor/digger type vehicles being controlled by the robot through some sort of wireless electricity thing. Or maybe they had skeletons driving them? I can't recall, but I'm of the opinion this may have featured on the book cover. That's it. All I remember, but I'm keen to reread. I seem to recall it being vaguely sci-fi post-apocalyptic but little more. If it at all helps set the era, other books I've re-remembered through this trip down memory lane are: Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH - Robert C. O'Brien Zed - Rosemary Harris I've seen Metafilter do amazing things with less info, hoping you can help.

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
Need help in making my ends look a little less straw-like!I have recently experimented with a couple of good intense moisturizing hair masks like Aussie 3 Minute Miracle and Silicon Mix (I am alternating between the two) and my hair looks smooth and shiny apart from the ends. The ends are recovering a lot slower than the rest of my hair, so while the rest of my hair has "movement, the ends are straight and straw-like. I have used pretty much all the serums and products for split ends with little success. And I don't want to use straighteners or blow dry to curl them a little. Is there any way I can make the end of my hair look healthier and more natural a bit faster?

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
Artist Creates Artificial Space Images Using Food Supplies Brooklyn-based artist, Navid Baraty's latest project "WANDER Space Probe" creates a fictional universe constructed from food and home supplies. Partially edible, Baraty's photographs are made by arranging household items on a scanner. With the help of a pinch of sugar, cinnamon, flour, and a glass of coffee, Baraty produces stunning images of an alternate galaxy.

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
Mangling an author's text is a clear violation of the author's Moral rights, an element of copyright which is very weak in the United States and very strong elsewhere (primarily in civil law jurisdictions). (The moral right is the right of an author to be identified as the creator of a work, and for the work represented as their creation to be unaltered by other hands, so that the relationship between creator and created work is clear.) [...] The doctrine of Moral Rights varies from territory to territory, but it's a heck of a stretch to extend it to this activity. It's one thing for a publisher or retailer to send out copies of your books in which words are changed around without your permission. It's another thing altogether for the reader themself to decide to read their legally acquired books in such a way as to change the text. Charlie Stross and Cory Doctorow argue about the legality if not morality/desirability of the Clean Reader app, that strips swearwords from ebooks.

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posted about 22 hours ago on metafilter
Anxiety flare-up. I have a therapy appointment... in 6 weeks time. What can I do to manage my anxiety till then? I have included details of what I am already doing after the jump.I have anxiety flare ups every few months, though more and more often since hitting 30, sadly. Usually I just kind of ride it out till I feel better. But this time I feel pretty miserable and also miserable about the prospect of future flare ups, so I have been referred for therapy for the first time. The waiting time is 6 weeks, minimum. My anxiety when it flares up takes different forms - sometimes I get depressed, sometimes I get upsetting intrusive thoughts. Right now, I am having that perennial favourite, health anxiety, where I find new things wrong about my body every few days, and convince myself that I have a horrible illness and am going to die. I've also made the mistake of telling my parents I'm experiencing an anxiety flare up, and now THEY'RE all worried about me and I wish I hadn't told them. It's a nightmare. The steps I am taking are as follows - Meditation: I know you're all going to tell me to meditate and I do TRY to meditate. I've been good at it before and found it helpful, but right now, I find I'm just HORRIBLE at it. Either it doesn't "work" and I just end up frustrated, or (and this is ridiculous) I fall asleep! Exercise: I have recently (in January) started exercising 3 times a week, for about half an hour at a stretch. (I know that's not enough, but it's a big jump for me, and I do aim to work up to doing it more frequently and for longer, but it's not going to happen overnight.) Prior to this I was a little active but not in any structured kind of way. One of the reasons I started working out was to improve my mood, but although I'm perfectly happy while exercising, the effects of it do not last very long and in fact sometimes I have the opposite reaction and feel sad or panicked after working out. I am fat and pretty unfit, but I have noticed a rapid improvement in what I am able to do, and I take a lot of pleasure from that. I just wish the effects would last beyond the half hour session. Eating: I definitely find that my anxiety gets worse if I eat sugary food, so I am trying to eat less of that. I do not have any food restrictions. Keeping busy and seeing friends: I feel fine when I am busy or socialising but when I come home I find myself very susceptible to random bouts of panic. So what am I missing? Do I just have to suck it up or is there anything I can add or improve about my current anxiety-abating measures in order to make them more effective?

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posted about 24 hours ago on metafilter
After 13 years of a relationship, my wife and I have separated. It's a mutual decision and we're both feeling good about it. BUT... I've not been in in the dating game since I was 15 and I'm 31 now. So what should I know? Any tips, advice, "never never never"s much appreciated. I'm guessing it works a little differently to how it did at high school... or maybe not?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"Confessions of an Idiom" a 2½ minute animated film depicting a confrontation between the elephant in the room and the skeleton in the closet. Many turns of phrase and one plot twist.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
How can I make my dream come true, or should I give up? I want to follow my soul-mate back to Switzerland and find a job in the IT field. Difficulty: I'm an American living in Asia.My partner is returning to their home country Switzerland in July for unavoidable reasons. With them over the past year, I've been happy for maybe the first time in my entire life. I know 100% for sure that if I were able to follow them we would both be able to achieve our dreams. I'm ready to make any sacrifice to chase this happiness. I'm single and don't own property so I'm in an ideal situation to make a move overseas. But... I'm an American citizen with intermediate French (and native level Japanese, which obviously doesn't look like it'll be very helpful). And marriage for a visa is not an option for us. I'm a hard-worker, extremely good at what I do (IT - infrastructure and cloud support/administration), and I'm confident I would quickly prove myself. However, because I need a work visa, I'm applying from abroad- which seems like it would be a huge handicap. From searching around, I've found many positions in my field, in the Geneva area, and that require advanced English skills. I've applied to around a dozen jobs over the past week and have received a couple rejection letters. I know it might still be early in the game, but I'm asking for your advice as I'd like to calm my nerves or prepare my heart: is it possible to find a job in Switzerland from abroad? Is there anything I can do to improve my chances? Any advice or personal anecdotes are welcome.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My grandmother (85) living in Sydney, Australia had a stroke about 10 years ago, leaving her with no control of the left side of her body. Her condition has deteriorated such that she can no longer sit up without pain. The staff at her nursing home are generally kind, but aren't doing much to help. We're in need of some ideas or leads for how to improve her situation, taking into account that she is effectively bedridden and can't speak English.I am trying to help my dear grandmother who has unfortunately had a very difficult time since suffering a stroke. After the stroke, she lost voluntary control of her left arm and leg. Despite this, she could still kind of get around by hopping on one foot and using a cane. However, about five years ago, she developed a contracture/stiffness in her stroke-affected leg, which meant she could no longer balance while standing (or at least, she had a couple falls, so the nursing home said she shouldn't stand anymore). She could still sit up, however. So, I tried to get her a one-arm drive wheelchair that she could use with her good arm and leg. However, the nursing home physiotherapist said she shouldn't have it, saying that by using her good arm, she risks damaging it (unfortunately, I had to move to a different city at that point, so couldn't do much to protest). Perhaps because she lost her mobility, she has gotten lethargic and has stopped sitting up. It's gotten to the point where she basically lies in bed all day. The nursing home staff have tried to get her to sit up, but they report that she cries in pain whenever they try to make her do this. I'm afraid she's going to lose the ability to sit up entirely if left to her own devices. I've tried to encourage her to sit up when I visit, but given that I don't speak her language, I don't think she's getting the message. And, for all I know, maybe there is some sort of physical impediment stopping her from sitting up. I would ultimately like her to be able to regain some mobility, maybe trying a different type of wheelchair. But she can't do this if she doesn't start sitting up again and regaining strength. A large part of the problem I believe is that no one has worked with her to maintain her mobility. The nursing home staff are well-intentioned, but the nurses are overworked. They're content to just try to make her comfortable. Moreover, my grandmother only speaks Hakka (a dialect of Chinese spoken in her village in Hong Kong and various other parts of southeast Asia) and understands some Cantonese, and unfortunately nobody at the nursing home speaks these languages. So, even when the staff try to get her to do things, she often will not do them as she doesn't understand what they're saying or why they're trying to get her to do things. So, I'm now trying to think of other options to help her. My first thought was to try to get a physiotherapist to work with her. While the nursing home does have a physiotherapist, she seems overworked and doesn't seem to view my grandmother as a priority. After the wheelchair trial, she promised to have a physiotherapy aide come and do exercises with my grandmother. However, in practice, the aid came sporadically, applied some ultrasound and then left. Over time the physio aide just stopped coming, leaving my grandmother's condition to deteriorate. Even if the physiotherapist/aide were keen on trying to help my grandmother, I'm not sure how far they could get without being able to communicate with her in her language. My other idea was to get an external physiotherapist to come in. We'd be happy to pay for the services of a physiotherapist or whoever, as long as they consistently followed up and really put in some effort. However, I suspect to make progress they would need to either speak Chinese or we would have to be able to get a translator. Also, because my grandmother finds it difficult to sit up, they would need to come to her. I did try calling a few physiotherapists in her area (Blacktown, NSW), but the ones I called didn't seem to do home visits. Moreover, I still haven't solved the language issue. I was thinking of maybe having a translator and the physiotherapist come at the same time. However, I'm not sure we would be able to regularly afford it unless the translator was pretty affordable (e.g. something like $35 an hour), and from my understanding, they're usually not this cheap. We do have some family members who could help translate, but they all live really far away and could only come on the weekends and not consistently. So, I suppose I need some ideas on how to best help my grandmother. Should I try to get an outside physiotherapist to come in? If so, how can I find someone who speaks her language or otherwise overcome the language barrier? Also, if anyone has had similar experiences with her symptoms/condition who might have other therapies or approaches I could try, please let me know. I'm a bit stuck on this one, so any and all help would be appreciated!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Twirl an upside-down soda glass and toss it down a tabletop (somewhat like the hero in the video game Tapper), and the glass will pull off in a direction opposite of the spin. Spin a granite curling stone and throw it down the ice, however, and it will travel in the same direction as the spin. Video blog SmarterEveryDay looks at physics theories that try to figure out why this counterintuitive result happens.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I came in tonight and lights are flickering, as is the orange light in the surge protector that the printer/puter/tv is plugged in to. When I put it under a load at all IE if I print something, the lights *really* flicker. What is this about?I changed out surge protectors with a different one from the bedroom, turned it on, printed a page -- the lights flicker a lot, same as with first surge protector. Neither of these are low quality surge protectors. All unplugged from that socket now, plugged into another socket and it's the same jive. Flicker city. I'm going to turn off the main breaker, sleep with the windows open, yay Austin in springtime. I have enough battery in this puter to check answers, and obv. going to get a qualified electrician here in the morning to give me the lowdown. But do any of you have any idea what is going on here? Maybe a breaker dying? I am not interested in having this place burn down tonight; while that would of course be interesting, I can let that line of interest fade I think. I've got just a bit of battery left on this puter, tapped into a neighbors wi-fi, probably can run an ext. cord from her place tomorrow blah blah blah so I'll have the basics. Any ideas?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
At least once a week, when they are in public, my partner finds herself vividly anticipating that the person walking towards her will lunge at and stab her son.She describes these experiences as being a bit like those scenes in the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes films, except very upsetting. She experiences a surge of adrenaline, significant panic, and mentally finds herself preparing to fight to defend him. It is very distressing, both at the time, and later on reflection, in part because it makes her question her own rationality. My partner started experiencing this fairly soon after she started spending longer periods of time in public with her son, around 6-8 weeks of age; he is currently around 5 months old. The experiences seem to be becoming more frequent. She hasn't been able to spot any patterns about who the fear is associated with, even on the basis of gender. My partner has received counselling for depression associated with past experiences of violence. She is taking steps to resume counselling after a break around childbirth. The break was supported by her counsellor. We would be grateful for any information about dealing with this specific sort of protective response, either from professional and research sources or from personal experience.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I was rear-ended last night - at a complete stop waiting for a light; the car behind me was going about 40mph when it hit us. Called the cops, called my insurance, it is completely the other driver's fault. My insurance said I can either have the other driver's insurance (Traveler's) handle my claim, or I can pay my $500 deductible and have my insurance handle the claim (repairs, rental car, etc.) with the knowledge that they may not be able to recover my deductible.It will definitely be a lot easier to just go through my insurance - the air bags didn't deploy, and now both the airbag 'system malfunction' lights are on, so I don't really want to keep driving it. I'd really just like to get it taken care of as soon as possible, but $500 is still a significant chunk of change. (I haven't heard from the other insurance yet). I'm in Alabama. What's the smart thing to do here? If I do go through my insurance, will it make my rates go up?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
For a few years I've been trying to build a career in the game industry, but unfortunately it's been mostly contract work. Despite glowing reviews and a seemingly stellar resume I can't find an actual FTE position. My hopes for something longer term are dimming, so I'm looking at alternates based on the skills I have.Right now I'm doing QA for a company and making almost close to minimum wage, locally. This weekend I'm sorta taking stock of things and wanting to move to a job that pays for my health insurance and maybe have job security longer than 6 months? Skills include: 1) Programming multiple languages. Mostly C#, but I seem to pick these up others pretty easily. I've used AS3, Java, C++ and recently got into PHP. 2) Game Design At a previous company I shipped a lot of updates for an existing game as a designer, including multiple playtest sessions and several feedback iterations. I also have a huge portfolio of personal games. Some of these games have been featured on Kotaku and Rock Paper Shotgun. The significance of this seems to be lost on hiring managers and recruiters. 3) QA Engineering Sorta what I'm doing now. I use a bunch of tools to break things and troubleshoot problems. I'm okay at it but it can be boring. 4) Writing / Illustration / 3D Modeling / Etc In addition to doing the 3D art for my personal games, I also wrote, illustrated, and self published a comic last year. Interests: I like building things, telling stories, and creating meaningful experiences. Caveats: - I live in Washington state, and according to law contract workers have a cap for the number of months they can work before being rolled off or hired on full time. This means I kind of have a string of jobs that i work at a year before having to go somewhere else. - I don't have a 4 year CS degree. I keep thinking of going back to school sometimes, but I tried this years ago and fucking hated it. Plus, I'm not sure what I would learn that I don't already know. - It seems like any job requires 4 years experience doing that exact same thing previously, which is why it seems like I can't transition into something else easily. - I've tried applying to most game companies in the area who are staffing for FTE, for positions that I fit, but don't hear back. I've also tried several recruiting agencies in the area and found them to be as effective as a damp pool noodle. So basically. What other jobs/industries would I be a good fit in? How should I market myself to these jobs?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
At the end of 2014 I had an immediate urge to release a solo piano album which I recorded some time ago, and I was looking for a specific occasion to do so. I wanted it to be a nice surprise for everyone, so I thought of a meaningful release date to begin with. Seconds later it came to my mind: I was about to create my own holiday in order to come up with a reason for this release. Moreover, if I could be proud of something, then of being responsible for an annual celebration of the piano. And here comes the best bit, Piano Day will happen on the 88th day of the year, which most of the time is the 29th of March. Piano Day is intended to be the most joyful of all holidays. Join with Nils Frahm in celebrating Piano Day by enjoying his album Solo for free (sample: "Wall"), or enjoy other celebrations of the piano in his Piano Day 2015 playlist.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
In this Law & Order Episode, a corpse was found that had been frozen for "4 or 5 years"...but how could they tell? Freezer burn?I was watching this episode of Law and Order, in which a Broadway producer was killed and put in a restaurant freezer for "4 or 5 years" according to the coroner. But how could you tell how many years someone had been frozen for? Couldn't he have easily said that its been 6 months? 2 weeks? 10 years? Does the body get freezer burn over time? I just want to know how you could tell. Or is this just Hollywood making stuff up?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Tomas Transtromer, Nobel-Winning Poet, Dies at 83 [New York Times] Previously.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Dumpling Week has come to Serious Eats! Learn about dumplings around the world, which frozen potstickers are best, where chicken and dumpling soup came from, and how to make your own pierogi, xiao long bao, and gyoza. It's a dumpling party!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Wording is specific... I'm not talking about the solitaire game, I'm talking about mah jong as they play it in the city of shanghai. I know that table rules abound, but as far as I can tell there is an old school way and a new school way... basically any information you can provide, even if there were table rules (thoughc alling those out if you know helps) would be super helpful.My gf's family are from shanghai and her dad is teaching me the rules, but I have a feeling there are less common rules that didn't come up that I didn't know yet. I want to get ahead of the curve! Any relevant links would be even more welcome, though I don't think there's much online about it in english... so your anecdotal evidence is super helpful as well!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
A youngish Sir Ian McKellen describes, line by line, the images that are in his mind when he speaks Macbeth's "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow" soliloquy. [SLYT]

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
FROLIC RPG: the world's first procedurally generated emoticon adventure! by porpentine

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