posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Is there any kind of hard evidence that Americans (and possibly Europeans, though I'm less sure) value friendship less than in decades past? Family has always been cited as the most important value for Americans, but it seems increasingly common for people in committed relationships, and moreso those with children, to talk about friendships as a small "extra" rather than relationships that remain dynamic and a source of support.Of course, not everyone feels this way, but it does seem to be a trend. The narrative of single folks seems to differ a lot from the above description, with those people citing friends as active parts of their lives. So - is it true that people with nuclear families and single people view friendships differently? And have people with children changed their attitudes over the decades to value friendships less than before? Not saying this would be a good or bad thing, just interested in discussing...

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
After reconstructive surgery on my leg, my body weight workouts are causing me knee pain. I'm looking for alternatives to keep me pain free.I have a plate that runs along the outside of my femur, from mid thigh down to my knee joint. For the past few months, I've been doing the workouts from Body by You, in addition to walking most days. The workouts are all body weight based, and include squats, as well as other excel uses requiring knee bends. I am trying to lose weight, but also have enjoyed progressing through the workouts and seeing muscle develop (under the excess weight). Over the past month, I've noticed that my knee with the plate in it has become very grumpy, to the point that I have needed to ice and take anti inflammatories most days. I saw my doctor yesterday, and he said the issue is that my IT band runs directly over my plate. Any repetitive motion that has me bending my knee more than 45 degrees will cause me pain long term. Great. He did say it won't cause long term damage, but it will be uncomfortable. So, I'm looking for suggestions on exercise I can do that won't aggravate my knee. Things I like about my current routine: progress through the exercises is easily observed, so it gives a sense of accomplishment. I can do it in my apartment, so it's easy to force myself to do it. It is relatively quick (workouts are 35-40 minutes, 3 days a week). I like the muscle building aspect, as I understand it is good for your health to do weight bearing exercise (even if right now the weight is just me). My doctor suggested swimming as an alternative; I'm open to this idea, but resistant, because it does not fit with almost all of the things I like about my current routine. My apartment complex does have a small gym with some weight machines, not sure exactly what's available. I'm also open to buying some equipment (within reason).

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Is there a third-party add-on or some sort of hack which will put scrollbar arrows back into Mac OS X El Capitan on an iMac? I have a disabled co-worker whose computer was recently upgraded from Snow Leopard, and she's having difficulty dealing with the new interface. We specifically want to add the horizontal and vertical scrolling arrows back into application and finder windows, if possible.Notes 1) I am not asking how to make the scrollbars visible. We know how to do that. 2) For this user, the keyboard arrow keys are not a good replacement for the onscreen arrows. Please don't suggest using them instead. 3) I do not want an explanation for Apple's reasons for removing them. We understand their reasoning. Don't care. Not what we're asking. Thank you.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Question about overtime pay for hourly work in the state of Washington.I am a part-time employee paid an hourly rate at a small company. My hours vary based on how much work is available- so far, always under 40 hours a week. However, there is a project I will be working on soon that involves some travel and field work. The expectation is that I will work a 50 hour week for several weeks. In this type of work, it is not surprising that there would be overtime when the weather is nice for fieldwork. So, I asked about the company's overtime policy (overtime is not specifically mentioned in my employment agreement). I thought this was a reasonable question, but it seems like it's the first time someone has asked- I'm being told that it's unusual for people doing contractor-type work to be paid overtime, unless they work for something like a state agency- but I'm not a contractor, right? On this particular job, my *company* is a subcontractor. To respond to this, my employer is considering having everyone re-negotiate their employment agreements to clearly state that overtime will not be paid. I am thinking this isn't something that can be done without changing the nature of employment- this would make us contractors or temporary workers, right? The employer and the project are located in Washington State (although future projects could be in Washington or Oregon). I live in Oregon.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I need a new job-- help me think outside the box! (Nonprofit and education background). Currently, I work at a nonprofit and am placed in an urban middle school. I do lots of direct interaction with youth and families, coordinating with partner organizations and the school, and directly managing staffing/programming etc. I am feeling pretty burnt out. Not everything is bad-- overall I find working with the kids rewarding though exhausting, and I have a good relationship with school admin and really everyone I work with. Most of my frustration stems from the organization that directly employs me-- I feel that the program director is just coasting and is not interested in addressing the systematic issues that are affecting the quality of the program or thinking about how to move it forward or develop it. I think there's a lot of potential being wasted and the systematic problems make my day to day work harder and less satisfying. I also don't feel like I'm developing professionally or being challenged-- I feel stuck, and bored. (Okay, rant over!) I'm starting to look around at other jobs and while a lot of what I'm looking at is pretty similar-- program coordinator/manager type stuff, mostly in youth development organizations-- I would like to think outside the box a little more about other career paths or jobs that might be a good fit for me. I feel like in some ways I fell into this, and I'm not sure if I want to stay on this career path. I'm 6 years out of college. My previous experience is as follows: Directly before this, I had a different job at the same organization in a better run department that was more office-based project management (funding was lost for this position). I liked the following about this job: -I enjoyed and was good at keeping track of all of the details and timelines. I liked ensuring that things would go smoothly and efficiently so that everyone could focus on doing their jobs. I liked the focus on problem solving and continuously improving practice and gathering feedback and data to inform discussions about changes. -I liked that I was doing a wide variety of work--detail work, writing, meetings for different projects, being out at programs-- and that my days were always different. I learned a lot. -I did a fair amount of work with data in this position-- pulling and analyzing reports, building new reports, creating data visuals and reports. I enjoyed this but have no formal training in it. -On the negative side, holding folks accountable for the project was sometimes frustrating and I missed working directly with youth. Before that, I worked in environmental education for several years at a couple different organizations, doing programs for school groups in classrooms and outside. I liked: -Lots of fun! I really enjoyed teaching in these small groups and hands-on settings. I didn't like: -The low pay and the hours are really difficult to sustain long-term. Any thoughts or ideas about jobs or fields I should look into? I don't necessarily need to keep working with youth or in a nonprofit, although both of those things would be fine. I think that I need help thinking about how my skills could be applied more broadly and how to present my skills to a wider pool of employers. I currently have a BA (no teaching credential). I am not particularly opposed to going to grad school but it would need to be for something specific or with a specific goal in mind. Thanks.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
What are realistic expectations for a woman to have of a man in the bedroom? Is it reasonable to expect him to multitask? And what's the limit of "Just tell him what you want him to do"? NSFW details inside.Late 20's woman. I'm new to sexuality with a partner (never had PIV sex, touched a man's bare penis, or given or received oral). I'm getting involved with a guy and have some questions. We've messed around 5-6 times with shirts and sometimes pants off, a little bit of below-the-waist touching, lots of kissing, and then grinding on each other until we each have an orgasm. I've made out intensely with a couple other men and found that more satisfying in some ways--one past partner made me have an orgasm with fantastic kissing. With this guy, it's coming down to just... his inability?... to physically do the things that will help me finish. The problem is that he hasn't seemed to know how to keep a rhythm going and he struggles to multitask. One night he used his hand to touch through my underwear. He struggled to find the clitoris but once he did, he set up a rhythm. For a while. And then... just... stopped? His finger moved away from the critical location, he didn't keep up the rhythm, I totally lost the clit-boner, he started sucking my breasts way too hard and I just lost sensation and turned away with great sadness. I've never felt that physical sensation of my body being turned on, not reaching orgasm, but just giving up out of frustration. I had moved his hand back to the spot multiple times, tried to set up the rhythm, and told him that I needed it to continue. My mind sort of boggles that someone wouldn't be able to stick with a task like that. Another night, I let him know how good it felt for him to do something with my nipples and a spot near my neck. He's been enthusiastic about the idea of me having orgasms, and I told him if he focuses on those three areas it's really likely I'll have one. But it's like someone struggling to pat their head and rub their tummy. He could stick to one of the three, maybe two, and when I started getting into it and changing my movements, he would switch what he was doing! Or stop! I said multiple times, "Keep going" and "Don't stop" but then I just got annoyed. So far I've had an orgasm most of the times we get together, followed by him having an orgasm. I think it works better if I come first, because the one time he was first, I felt like he just deflated and wasn't as energetic. I felt like I was masturbating ON someone. It was so weird. I want him to experiment, to be present to the signals of my body and follow them, to have the ability to do three things at once so that I can have an orgasm that's satisfying... Is this too much? Can most guys do multiple things at once? Does this all clear up over time? Do people who have sex often feel like they're just, like, telling someone else how to do the same things they'd do for themselves if they were alone? Would moving to oral or PIV change all of this? At the moment I don't want to move to oral because I don't trust he'll have the sensitivity or delicacy to make it great. What do you do when you've asked someone to do something and they seem willing but unable? I'm aware we should talk and I need to just push myself to make that happen. But I don't know how to tell him about this. I want to honor his willingness but also to move toward a more satisfying sexual life. He has been receptive about the few things I have brought up. I have a conservative religious upbringing which can make it hard to talk about stuff, but I have read Come As You Are and work to have a sex-positive point of view. I've read a lot of Ask MeFi and read Come As You Are. I know to be direct in what will help. I always thought that would solve the problem and didn't consider what to do if the not-so-helpful activity continues. So I wanted to get some input on this, since I don't really know what's normal in this realm. He's very sexy overall and I enjoy being with him.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
My coworker treats work as her life, is disorganized in ways that negatively effect our operational flow, has passive aggressive and controlling tendencies, and uses a saccharinely sweet personality so that customers think she's great. How do I deal?I work in a small library. A few months ago, my colleague was transferred out to another branch in our system and a new librarian, herein referred to as Christine, was transferred into her spot. She is super sweet when you first meet her. It's as though she once heard the phrase "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and internalized it so much that it became part of her daily operating style. But the sweetness is surface level and neither makes her genuinely kind nor easy to work with. Christine has been really passive aggressive and seems to have a competitive and controlling streak when it comes to me. We're on the same paygrade and title level but it often seems as though she is not ok with that. When she first started here she sent some weird emails to my boss trying to make me look bad. She also regularly tries to butt in to programs that I have planned in an effort to take credit for them and tries to get me to do extra work to contribute to her pet projects. She goes above and beyond with her programming, so much so that it is clear she spends hours upon hours outside the office doing work in prep for her programming, putting the rest of us who maintain interests and responsibilities outside of work at a disadvantage since we can't spend all our free hours making our programs pinterest worthy. She also has some weird organizational issues going on. She'll have all her details ironed out when it comes to the programs that she's planning independently, but she won't share specs with anyone, which often leaves other staff unclear about what coverage we'll need on which days and what's going on when. In other cases, she's extremely scattered. She doesn't put very much on our shared calendar, yet gets testy if she doesn't know the details of what's going on with other people's programs, often forgetting previous discussions that people have had with her. I have talked to my boss about Christine and he said that he understands where I'm coming from but that he's not really sure what to do about the situation. How can I deal with this coworker in a way that will allow me to get on with my actual job?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The Mexican Pago en Especie program allows artists to pay their taxes with art instead of money. It started informally in the 1950s and was codified in the 1970s. The program includes a jury system to ensure that the country is getting a good value and has amassed a collection of more than 7,000 pieces of art. It even survived a recent bout of tax reform.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Imzy, the "kinder, gentler" Reddit alternative (previously), is shutting down on June 23rd. The site raised an $8 million Series A in October 2016, and opened its platform up to the public that same month. According to The Verge article on the shutdown, less-friendly Reddit clone Voat is also at risk of being shut down due to funding issues.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I have to create a map showing the Europe, with visits to locations shown, and the dates of the visits. The locations are mostly in the UK, and some places have been visited more than once. Can anyone recommend any software or resources (preferably free) to put this together?Initially it's for sharing privately, but it might at some point be published online. It would be useful to be able to interrogate the data, and provide a detailed list of locations visited in each city attached to the dates, but this is not essential. Any thoughts much appreciated!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
How many ways can you destroy a piano? Piano smashing contests were a UK fad in the 1960s, eventually crossing over to the US. Teams used sledgehammers to destroy an upright piano to the point where pieces of the piano could be passed through a 9-inch diameter hole. Infrequent piano smashing contests have been held in recent years although Guinness World Records has retired the category from active competition. Using sledgehammers is one thing, but composer Annea Lockwood has several creative ways to dispose of pianos.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
We are looking at houses, and have seen several "flips" where there is a gas range right up against a corner wall or full height cabinet. I'm bothered by this from both a logistic and a life safety standpoint. Am I being realistic or am I exaggerating the risk because I'm nervous about owning a home? I picture burning the place down the first time we cook dinner.Logistically, I don't like having counter on only one side, plus having to turn pot and pan handles awkwardly. I'm also worried about grease stains and, you know, combustion. I'm pretty sure this is against code (New York state), although I'm not totally sure how residential code applies to renovations to existing houses. These are kitchens that have never been used – it's not like we can say, "Well, the previous owner has been cooking on it safely for ten years." If it's a code violation, is it the sort of thing that an inspector would list? I'm also worried that there are other instances where the flipper has made decisions based on ease or expense of construction without thought to how it will actually be to live with, risks, or code violations. How much can we depend on a good inspector catching?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The History of Porridge in Bantuphone Africa, with Words as Main Ingredients

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Today I noticed that when I get rejected by people I get depressed and negative about it. For example, I ask a friend if they want to hang out Tuesday and they say they can't make it. And then they don't provide a day that works for them or I have to ask them what day works for them. I know I have a problem with feeling that people don't like me if they don't explicitly say "Hey, I like spending time with you". Getting rejected feeds into this feeling.I've been totally rejected by people in the past and it's really shaken my self esteem. I've tried CBT and it didn't work for me. I'm also transitioning to a new therapist in a few weeks. What should I do about this so every time someone says no to me I don't get so affected and hurt?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
How to make Maple Syrup (slyt) I really enjoyed this video of a modern maple syrup farm. Lot's of tubes and filters and pumps. I learnt that Maple Sap is clear when it comes out the trees and that it takes about 40 litres of sap to make 1 litre of syrup.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
We just bought a home in Los Angeles. Yay! It has a separate suite that is perfect for me to have my bodywork practice in (something like massage). But before we close escrow, how can I figure out if I can legally get a business license/insurance for it? I heard a rumor that California doesn't let you have a home-based business if you receive clients. I receive 20-40 a week, one at a time, very quietly. I tried to google it but couldn't find information specific to my area (zip code 90041). Before we close on the perfect home, can you put my fears of joblessness to rest? Thank you!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
I'll be traveling by myself to Mexico City in June, staying there 4 nights and 3 days. I've never been there before but have traveled alone for a similar length of time in Spain and Italy. I'm working on learning Spanish and looking for some advice on what to do/see and how to get there.I plan to go to: - The Frida Kahlo Museum - Museo Nacional de Antropologia And a day trip to: - The Teotihuacan pyramids - The Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe I also love people-watching, browsing local shops and drinking coffee. I have a few specific questions, but also welcome general travel tips for my itinerary:-) - Have you taken a trip to the Teotihuacan on the bus without booking a tour? Was it relatively easy? - Do you know of any good bars, cafes and/or restaurants for solo female travelers to sit and have a drink or a meal? Thank you!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"The language repeatedly emphasizes consumer choice as particularly important. Residents "prefer to drive alone" and the car became "the option of choice." But consumers can only choose among the options that are provided to them. The implication here is that people don't want good public transit, they want GM cars." - Blight At The Museum, how corporate donations are taking control of American history at the Smithsonian.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Renting in London in 2017 is grim. While the city is in the middle of a record construction boom, almost all of that is luxury apartments for overseas investors. "Golden postcodes" such as Kensington, Highgate and Notting Hill are the preserve of the international "alpha elite", displacing the local wealthy, and setting off a chain reaction. As rents go up, people on above-average incomes find themselves in "middle-class poverty", having to move repeatedly and to make do with smaller spaces. As there is no regulation, any house that is not a hazard to health is legal, and it makes economic sense for landlords to evict tenants rather than carrying out repairs. Meanwhile, in outer boroughs, poor workers live in bunks in cramped, shared rooms in houses and sheds, preyed on by chains of "rent to rent" entrepreneurs sometimes shading into human trafficking rings. The effects of this are being felt, both economically and personally. Employers are having a hard time filling or retaining professional jobs, let alone nurses, teachers and cleaners. Meanwhile, housing precarity, substandard accommodation and the dislocation of repeated moving are taking a toll on mental health.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Chicago Cubs' President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein's Class Day speech at this years's Yale graduation

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
A colleague (who is senior, better qualified, better suited in every possible way) just scored a major promotion. In no way was I ever in the running (I'm so junior that I hadn't even known the position was open) but it brought back all my carefully hidden anxiety about being adequate without being extraordinary at my job. Career snowflakes inside.I stumbled into this career while running away, screaming, from academia (feel free to picture my head on fire while doing that.) I don't love my job. I never have. However, I'm competent enough to have gotten a fairly major upgrade at a different organization (to contextualize, I was only the second person to make the switch between the two companies in the last decade, and literally hundreds have tried). And now I'm among other high-achieving competitors (me too!) who really love what they do (uhhhh...) I realize worrying will not help. I realize imposter syndrome is a real and terrible thing. My last performance review was glowing and my boss has never had harsh criticism and quite often praised my work. But I feel...inadequate. Like not loving my job means I can never do anything much more than acceptable. Changing careers is most emphatically not an option any longer. I have always been unhappily, compulsively competitive (a lot of it goes back to childhood and rigid, high parental expectations where nothing I did - honors student, scholarship, tons of extracurriculars, volunteering was ever ENOUGH). How do I stop feeling this way? It sucks.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
40 years ago. Star Wars. May 25, 1977. It only opened on 42 screens. Basically everyone who tells you they were there on opening day are lying to you. Five veteran distribution execs who were there when George Lucas' first installment of the space saga was set to premiere look back on the challenges that came with being part of movie history.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
What can I do for my dog who's itching and scratching herself to the point of bleeding?I'll try to do bullet points because her history up until now is a bit lengthy. - Rescued from a shelter Feb. 14, 2017 - 2 y.o. female, formerly wild, some sort of pitt/staffordshire terrier mix (according to shelter) - Several bald spots when we got her, shelter says the skin scrape was negative and it was from a prior flea allergy already treated. Shelter photos: http://imgur.com/a/GoxrD - Heartworm positive, was in Bad shape when we got her (constantly throwing up and struggling to breathe). Started with steroids and antibiotics to control her acute illness. Now undergoing pulse treatment with doxycycline. Vet put her on a regimen of 1 month on doxy, 2 months off, to be done 4 times in total, so she'll spend 4 months on doxy over the course of a year. She was on for the month of April, will start again in July. Also on a preventative flea med (Heartgard I think). - Moved to a new house on April 1 (big fenced in yard vs. small strip of grass out back at the townhouse I lived in before) - Treated the bald spots with Vetericyn at advice of the vet and all of the hair grew right back with no further issues A few weeks ago we started noticing that she was itching a lot more. She's always been a bit anxious and licked her skin more than she should, but this was different. She'd itch her back and scratch until her fur fell out. We clipped her nails really short and got her medicated hot spot shampoo. We tried Vetericyn on the spots and it didn't help. Neither did the special medicated shampoo. It eventually got so bad she had scrapes and scabs all over her face by her eyes and in her ears. My husband took her to the vet, who just said they didn't know what it was, took a skin scrape, and said try benadryl. I was very unimpressed. Of course Benadryl didn't work either, nor did Chlor-Trimeton. We changed her food to see if it was a food allergy. She eats Diamond Naturals now, and gets sick less, but it didn't help her skin. She almost never goes outside and rarely goes on the grass when she does. We got her little doggy socks and a shirt. She pulls the socks off but tolerates the shirt. All that's served to do is redirect her scratching to places she Can get, like her ears and face. We wash her blankets and swap them out for fresh ones daily. I simply don't know what else to do. She's miserable and it makes my heart hurt to see her scratch until she's crying with pain, but she can't stop scratching. Her skin is red and irritated. She licks and gnaws at herself incessantly. We just don't know why this has happened so suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere. The best we can figure is that the doxycycline was holding it at bay. Any ideas or suggestions would be so greatly appreciated. This is a photo of her feeling good and normal that I took on April 20, which was only about a month ago: http://imgur.com/p1F9oE2 This is her tonight: http://imgur.com/a/GZ4w4

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
One of my closest friends committed suicide, and left a shit storm for me to deal with. My emotions are a wreck. Can you help me navigate them?I own a house on a piece of property with a cottage on it, which I've rented out for several years. Ann started renting it a couple of years ago, and almost immediately she and I became great friends. We spoke to each other at least once a day, often many times. Texted all the time. Shared coffee and wine, played with each other's dogs, took care of each other's lives. We left our doors unlocked and walked in uninvited we were that close to each other. Last week she went out of town, as she regularly does, and I took care of her dog and two cats, as I regularly do. She was supposed to come home Monday afternoon, but Monday at 3 a.m. I got a text from a close friend of hers who I know telling me she had taken her own life while out of town. Ann had sent an email to this friend with instructions ... for dealing with all the details of her life. Some of these involved me taking care of the pets, and because I am the owner of the cottage where she was living, dealing with that mostly fell to me too. Ann was a dear, dear friend, and I spent all of Monday distraught, sobbing, lost. Tuesday two of her other friends came to the cottage and boxed up her things. Wednesday I asked my housekeepers to clean the cottage instead of my house. What a shit storm. The place is so filthy I'm going to need to replace the carpet, curtains, rugs, blinds, mattress, curtains and couch. I need to refinish the floors and wood doors. I knew, from being close enough to her, that she was a shitty housekeeper, and that there was damage occurring (cat urine, dog scratches). But I trusted that she'd take care of (and pay for) all the cleaning and damage, and that it wouldn't fall on me. Well, it fell on me. My housekeepers were so appalled at the filth that they increased their rate significantly. After over five hours today, they'd cleaned only the kitchen. Five hours spent by two people means it took them ten hours to clean the kitchen, in a cottage. The place is a disaster. The place is full of boxes and Ann's crap everywhere. I've got a dog and two cats to take care of until they're re-homed (the dog goes Saturday, the cats mid-June). My 13-year-old daughter is distraught at the loss of the dog, and I'm distraught at the loss of my dear friend. And yet I want to wring her neck for not saying good-bye, for not cleaning up after herself, for dumping this expensive and miserable project on me. I have so many questions, starting with, "What the fuck?" I miss her so much, and am so angry she didn't give me or anyone else any chance of turning her around. I respect her right to choose suicide, but hate that she did. And I hate that the note she left didn't say one single personal thing to anyone. Not good-bye, not thank you, no explanation why, nothing. Just, "Here's a list of things to do, people to call." I don't even know what my question is. I'm just so torn up and sad and missing her and hurt and overwhelmed and disgusted. There are way too many things she left that I can't un-see. When I take her leftover drugs to the pharmacy to have them disposed of, I will be hauling in three gallon-sized ziplock bags full of pill bottles. Some of the things she left were so upsetting that I removed them from the cottage and destroyed them before her friends came over to pack her boxes - only one of us needs to carry that inside. Her elderly father is coming Thursday to pick up the boxes. She had a lot of anger for him, for the way he treated her during her childhood. But the man has now lost his second child, of two, so he's in terrible grief. It's all so complicated, so tangled. I'm rambling. This is an accurate picture of my thoughts and feelings. Guidance? Something? I can't even think straight enough to ask the right question. Does anyone know what that question might be? Can anyone help me find an answer?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
"At approximately 6:30 a.m. Monday, a car crash involving two pickup trucks sent one of the vehicles inside the AnalTech building of Newark, Del., leaving a giant hole." Analtech, née Custom Service Chemicals, is a brand name "known and trusted by the academic and science communities worldwide," butt in 2009 it was considering changing its name because of the "juvenile" humor that has developed in the past few decades. The Register offers a characteristically snarky take.

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