posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
How do I deal with my unexpected strong feelings about my estranged father's death in light of my recent discovery that I am pregnant?I have been thinking of nothing but getting pregnant for a while, after experiencing one stillbirth and one miscarriage over the course of the past two years. I will be six weeks as of tomorrow. Tomorrow I will also be driving across town to join my siblings and mother as we "pull the plug" on my father, who had a sudden cardiac arrest yesterday afternoon and doesn't seem able to recover. His health has been declining for several years since his heart attack and diagnosis with congestive heart failure. I honestly had no idea I was going to be SO upset about this as I am. My father and I had some good times before I hit puberty, and he wasn't a purely bad person, but he became significantly emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, which got worse the older I got. He left my mother in financial ruin about 8 years ago and ran off with his former high school girlfriend to California. My relationship with him became less and less over time, but it wasn't a fade away. It was a series of ugly fights and hopeless debates about my feelings vs. his, trying to reconcile, ever failing. About 4 years ago, I flew out to LA and told my dad my mom still loved him (which she does to this day) and that everyone wanted him to come back and would forgive him if he did. He basically laughed in my face that day, and ever since we've spoken rarely and we haven't had any of the close, tender moments we used to. My siblings took more of an approach throughout this time of placating him. No matter what horrible things he said or did, they did not react or expect/demand him to stop or change in order to have relationships with them the way I did. They judged me for my approach to the issue, considering me prideful to not pursue a relationship with my father regardless of what it was or wasn't. And I never agreed or cared... until now. Last night I held his hand as he laid there in a medically induced coma and cried and told him I loved him and what a wonderful man he was and how much I didn't want him to die. I am crushed and confused by all of this. All of a sudden it feels like he is a different person than he was for all these years, and that I was the one who misconstrued the situation and made a mistake distancing myself from him. Why couldn't I just accept him for who he was and try to get some good out of things the way everyone else did? I thought about all the times he tried to call me or text me and I blew him off in anger. I feel like I can never forgive myself for giving up my chance to have one last memory of him. I also feel like I just don't care about being pregnant anymore, and this years' long project has been sapped of all its joy, which seems like it will never return. I've read extensively online in past pregnancies about what to avoid, and the stress of grief has come up. It was one of the reasons why I didn't go to the hospital to see him before this event happened, because I thought he was going to make it and go home like every time before and we'd have time later to talk when I wasn't newly pregnant and still in such dangerous territory for miscarriage. I didn't want to risk the anger and disappointment I always felt when I opened my heart to him again. He was only 55 for goodness sakes. I have a therapist but I just need MtaFilter right now. I'm hoping someone has been through something like this and might have something to say. Or even if not, might be able to reassure me in some other way, or help me understand why I feel so lost and how this could have possibly snuck up on me. I honestly thought I was more self-aware and that cutting him out of my life emotionally years ago would make his eventual death feel more that like of an acquaintance than a treasured parent.

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
The nine foot tall, 1 ton statue of Baphomet (discussed previously) has, at long last, been unveiled in Detroit! For your consideration: A few pictures of the unveiling. A very brief video of the unveiling, complete with brief homoeroticism. How did they keep the high numbers of protestors away? Step one: have attendees agree to sign their souls over to Satan. Step two: only then, provide attendees with the real location.

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
I'm trying to find the right career. I'm currently employed doing something that while I don't dislike I'm not crazy about either. In particular I'm interested in jobs with a lot of flexibility. More details inside.About me: 25, college degree, white collar profession. I currently work in marketing and specialize in SEO, SEM and analytics just to briefly describe my skillset. I don't dislike my job but I do dislike working 9 to 5, five days a week. In all honestly I'd really only like to work 20-30 hours a week or have a job that allows for flex time or more generous vacation time. I'd like to spend more time pursuing my hobbies and traveling and although I can afford it, I currently don't have the time. What would be a good career for someone like me. Note : I'm not attached to marketing and in fact would be interested on a job that didn't require me be in an office all day. I don't mind office work but 8 hours of it can be rough as I tend to get bored. I would like to still make at least 50k a year. Is this realistically possible? I'd love to hear if anyone knows of any careers that fit this profile. Also what new skills would I need, I'm not against learning a new trade or picking up a reasonably priced degree a.ka. tech school or community college. I am realistic about the job market and realize this may be long term goal that I have to work towards and I am willing to invest the time and work necessary to make this happen. Also, has anyone worked a series of contract jobs. Bouncing from one to the other and taking time off for family, traveling, etc in between? I really like to travel and have family scattered across the country and in other countries as well but I don't have the time to see them. I'd be willing to work 3-12 month contract positions for the next several years if I had the flexibility to travel after the assignment ended and they provided me with stable income to do so. Any suggestions? What should I consider and what risks may be involved?

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
Hi there, Yelp alternative. Visiting the Clark in the afternoon on a Saturday. Looking for an afternoon restaurant. Layers of fussiness inside.-Must be okay with kids and have a kids menu as they will not eat stuffed grape leaves. -Must not harsh anyone's mellow -Must have alcohol -Must be...not awful/depressing/inexplicably blaring techno music/reek of bleach etc. /serve really horrible food. -There are adults with picky food preferences and won't eat anything 'weird' ie. sushi, etc. -It does not have to be 'perfect' i.e., serve the world's greatest food or have the coolest beers, etc., it just needs to make everyone mildly happy. I would like hit the Clark from 11 to 1 (maybe less; short attention spans) and then go out for lunch. Shelburne Falls is also on route 2 going east but is 48 minutes away -- that's a long time for kids who have been already been gawking at Van Gogh for two hours. Brattleboro (1 hr, 15 minutes) is similarly is out of reach. We're going route 2 back to 91 south. Greenfield is fine and is easy, but an even farther reach than Shelburne Falls. Details above aside, I'm flexible on many of these things but so are most of our contingent and unfortunately no one is flexible on the same points. Can anyone suggest something handy that fulfills the above requirements that might be a lovely local secret not obvious on Yelp, as I've already thrown an hour or so at that void? Many thanks.

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
Do you like Roguelikes? (Yes, you do.) Then you are going to enjoy this collection of over 700 free or open source Roguelikes available by torrent, the full set of which is listed here. Since its a torrent, I should mention that while everything seems legitimate here (Rock Paper Shotgun likes it, and the poster is a moderator on r/games and runs a highly regarded Steam group) from both a rights and a malware perspective, nothing is guaranteed. Suggestions among the 7 GB within... Personally, I love ADOM and Nethack. The person who put it together recommended the following Top 10: Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup ADOM ToME v4 Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead Brogue NetHack DoomRL Angband IVAN UnReal World And out of the 200+ Angband variants: Sil Tome 2 Quickband FAngband Poschengband PWMAngband Zangband

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
It's Not Climate Change, It's Everything Change by Margaret Atwood

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
I very recently purchased some study materials for the PMP exam and now I see that the exam is changing. Should I try to return my study materials?Today I read that the PMI is changing the PMP exam, with the current version not being tested after November 1: http://www.pmi.org/certification/exam-changes/pmp.aspx Can any PMP mefites tell me if the exam is likely changing enough for me to justify trying to return my study materials (PMBOK 5th Ed., Rita's PMP Exam Prep 8th Ed.)? Or do the changes read as being minor enough that I can continue studying these materials, while noting the updates to the relevant sections and adjusting my studying accordingly? I know the ideal would be to try to pass before 11/1, but as I just got these books over the weekend, it seems unlikely at this point. I didn't spend a huge amount of cash on the study materials ($115 or so) but obviously I'd rather not have wasted that money, nor do I want to waste my time studying texts that may actually prove detrimental to my ability to pass the exam. Thanks so much for any insight you can provide.

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
Our adopted child has a crazy need for control and we're worried about how it will impact their socialization in school.We adopted a great little 7-year-old a few months ago. He/she is a great kid - very intelligent, and enthusiastic for life, but we feel that a lot of anxiety is fuelling this enthusiasm. Do keep in mind, that it's only been about 4 months that our child has been with us, and we are completely aware that anxiety is indeed normal considering our child's history, and are ready to work with our child long-term. Our immediate concern is the fact that our child will be starting school in September and we're worried that one of the manifestations of this anxiety - our child's crazy need for control - will result isolation from classmates. For example our child: only wants to play what he/she wants to play and refuses to compromise. is very competitive and has to win 95% of the time and will cheat to win will act mildly-aggressively toward other kids (i.e. splashing water gently, bopping with a balloon), but if the other child tries to "fight back" our child gets angry and doesn't want to play anymore If our child finds a friend who is 100% compliant then everything is great, but the minute the playmate starts thinking for himself/herself, then our kid leaves in a huff. Once our child starts school he/she will no longer be the center of attention and we'd like to make sure that our child moves toward being part of a group rather than withdrawing. Making things more complicated is that our child doesn't speak English yet, so there's going to be that additional stress and isolation for them, initially, while they learn the language. Maybe I'm overreacting and everything will work itself out, but I'd like to do what I can to help our child. What we've done/will do: had discussions with a very supportive school principal will speak with our child's kindergarten teacher once assigned will speak to a psychologist on a regular basis will try to find other kids who speak the same language as our child (via community centres, etc.) Again, we believe that this behaviour is normal considering their background, but any advice to help them work through the trauma and work their way toward self-esteem and security would be appreciated! We're also aware that some wounds can't be healed - so we're not trying to "fix" our child - but we also believe that the inability to socialize with peers can only be harmful in the long term - maybe we're wrong here too. Thanks!

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
Over a thousand scientists and public intellectuals, including Stephen Hawking, Daniel Dennett, Steve Wozniak, Noam Chomsky, and Elon Musk, have signed an open letter calling for a ban on the development and deployment of "offensive autonomous weapons beyond meaningful human control", i.e., the coupling of autonomous Artificial Intelligence to weapons systems.

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
For some reason, it seems like I'm locked out when trying to access my free credit reports at annualcreditreport.com. I don't see a way to contact them. More inside the fold.So, in June, I lost my driver's license somewhere in California while on a trip. Oops. Went to the California DMV, got a replacement one, so that worked out. However, I wanted to both utilize my free credit report, and make sure nobody tried to steal my identity with my lost driver's license. When going to annualcreditreport.com (let's call it ACR.com for short) and entering my information (which I double-checked was accurate, btw) then picking any of the three credit unions for the free report, I was told that they were unable to access it because of mismatching information, or simply because the information wasn't available (the error messages occurred when ACR.com 'transferred' me to the respective credit union's websites). This is very odd, because I used this same website last year without a problem. I called TransUnion (which I like the best and have an account with - didn't use it for a while, but had a free trial last year), and one representative said that there were "split/multiple" files on my report, and to call the Disputes department. I did so, and another representative said my file was fine; that there weren't split files. I explained the situation to him (not being able to access my report from ACR.com), and he agreed to send me a printed/mailed copy of my credit report for free (which he said I'd receive in 5-7 business days). Both representatives were located overseas - definitely not trying to come across as xenophobic or anything, but I have a hard time trusting oversea call center representatives sometimes. When trying to call ACR.com with the phone number TransUnion and their website provided, I was unable to get in touch with someone - there was no live representative option at all (pressing 0 yielded no results; waiting until the automated machine finished speaking just resulted in a loop) so I don't see a way to clear this up with ACR. I'm not sure if this is some kind of ACR.com glitch, or something wrong with my record. I'm stressed and anxious that my credit/identity was compromised by someone who had taken my lost driver's license, or that there's something wrong with my credit information in general. I'm not sure where to turn to, and what to do to get this resolved immediately. I could wait until the credit report comes in the mail in 5-7 days (if it even does), but I don't know if I can trust what the representative said, given the conflicting information I got from two TransUnion representatives. Sorry if this was at all confusing; if you need any clarification, please ask. I just want peace of mind. Added information: I'm deaf, so calling/being called is a bit more harder/complex, but possible thanks to videophones/text relay. Many thanks!

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
SLYTP. Does what it says on the tin.

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
My dad is experiencing pain in one side of his buttock. It is worse in the morning after waking up and is relieved by vigorous walking. What could it be?My dad has been having shooting pain in one side of his buttock. It is worse in the morning after he wakes up. It does not really go away unless he goes on a rigorous walk. He tried to reproduce the relief by simply going on a treadmill but it's not having the same effect. Heat provides provide some relief but not that great. He's 80 years old and in generally good health. He walks 30+ minutes everyday. He's perhaps 20 or so lbs overweight. He's been experiencing this pain for a few weeks now. He has been to his doctor with no clear answer. He has tried acupuncture and is now trying yoga though both provided no relief so far. I did a bit of a search on the green and elsewhere and sciatica seems to fit the bill. Though it's baffling to me why it's worse in the morning and gets better with vigorous walking. So my questions (YANMD etc): 1. does it sound like sciatica or something else? 2. what sort of doctor should he go to? As I mentioned, his general doctor is next to useless. Another GP? Physiotherapist? others? Thank you in advance

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posted about 21 hours ago on metafilter
Nowadays, if you go to a McDonald's in San Diego, odds are you'll see the same menu as your cousin in Miami who happens to be at her local McD's. But back in the early days of franchising, companies often signed contracts letting franchisees considerable latitude in their menus. And some of those franchisees are still operating under those old, old contracts, including the Dairy Queen in Moorhead, North Dakota. The rogue Moorhead DQ flaunts its independence with a "Local Menu," including Nathan's hot dogs and the Curly Shake, a shake with a sundae on top (seriously, why isn't this at every DQ?). Troy DeLeon, who bought the store in 1995 but took on the permissive franchise contract from 1949, says there "aren't enough zeroes" on a new contract that would force him to dump the Local Menu. Dean Peters, spokesweasel for International Dairy Queen, Inc. (a subsidiary of Berkshire Hathaway) refused to comment on whether the company would rather such rogue operations didn't exist.

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posted about 22 hours ago on metafilter
What allergy eyedrops do you use?Contact lens wearer and allergy sufferer here. I am on allergy shots, Zyrtec, and Flonase. I feel like my allergies are mostly under control, except for my eyes. They are itchy. They have enough mucus production that I never can see 100% clearly unless I have just taken out my contacts and rinsed them in saline. I am pretty miserable about this. If you also wear contacts and have found a solution to allergy eyes, I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. Not wearing contacts is not really an option, I was born with cataracts and my glasses are super-heavy and have no peripheral vision, as well as being hideous.

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posted about 22 hours ago on metafilter
I try to reduce blue light at night and am looking for an LED reading light that has a warm color.The best I could find on Amazon was a light rated at 3000K, but I was hoping for something closer to, or lower than, an incandescent (which I understand is 2700 K). And there was a question last year on this topic but answers were geared to a DIY solution. I'm looking for something off-the-shelf.

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posted about 22 hours ago on metafilter
Friends are getting married and have asked me to select a reading for the wedding. What are some good readings for weddings? (This will not be a religious wedding.)Some possible relevant details: * They are both outdoorsy people. * They both love music, in most of its variety from Joni Mitchell to Gangstarr to Paul McCartney to high minded compositional stuff. * There is a certain California-ness to their relationship, though the wedding is elsewhere. * They are both writers, an artist and a journalist. * They are food people. * They are both extremely kind hearted and good people. On the whole, picture late 30s coastal Americans of a somewhat left of center bent. The wedding will be a destination wedding outdoors, over the course of a few days.

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posted about 22 hours ago on metafilter
Should I buy formula in bulk for an 11-month-old baby? I want to follow his lead on weaning, but I also don't want to waste money or formula. I'm looking for advice from parents who let their babies self-wean.My baby will be 11 months old tomorrow. He is in daycare full-time. I am still pumping and nursing, but we had to start supplementing with formula at daycare in May (he was 8 months old) and at home last weekend (at 10 months old) because of my low supply these days. Now that we're buying a steady supply of formula, I am wondering how much formula I can buy in bulk at this age without getting too much and wasting it. I know the traditional advice is to wean the baby to cow's milk & solid food by 12 months, and while we will be talking & consulting with our doctor, I am not interested in pushing the baby towards weaning. I'd rather he did it at his own speed. He always does best when I let him lead! So I plan to let him self-wean from the bottle. In terms of solid food, he was slow with getting into the spirit of it. He's always refused spoon-fed foods, but is now willing to try a big variety of foods he can feed himself. He sits down for meals and gets lots of food to test, explore, and throw on the floor, but he's not serious about getting calories from it yet. I am doubtful we will be there at exactly the 12-month mark on the dot. Most of his nutrition comes from a combination of formula and breastmilk. I will stop pumping at 12 months, but I do want to continue to nurse at home until he self-weans from that, even as eventually it's a comfort thing and not a nutritional thing. But as we move further away from breastmilk as a main source of nutrition, I stand in the supermarket and wonder how much formula to stock up. A month? Two months? Six months? I hate to waste money, but I don't want to have a bunch of wasted formula, either. Any advice from those who let your baby self-wean from the bottle/formula? Should I just purchase as we go or should I stock up a few months' worth at this point?

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posted about 23 hours ago on metafilter
I want to buy a cheap rainbow folding knife and get it engraved with something rad. I only have three letters to work with, however.It will be used to open beer cans for shotgunning and cutting rope lengths to lash tubes together on lazy river tubing trips. Irony + humor win over classic and boring, like my initials? BUD BAE 420 BAD Come on, you can do better than I can, right? If you know of a more reputable seller for a knife like this (I don't really have the money for a Kershaw Chive right now), I'm all ears. I would also accept a very hokey Boy Scout looking pocket knife, but I really want it to be cheap and engravable.

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posted about 23 hours ago on metafilter
Are there any bricks-and-mortar stores that carry replacement locks for file cabinets? I've tried two stores, one from a chain that used to carry them, without success. I would prefer a lock such that the replacement key couldn't be ordered by a cashier reading the sales receipt, or by someone looking at the outside of the installed lock, but these days that might be asking too much.

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posted about 23 hours ago on metafilter
They are people—not cannon fodder or back patting lessons in how deep down we're all the same. Moses is an imposing, intimidating figure but director Joe Cornish lets the camera linger on his face and Boyega fills it with the compromises and dashed dreams to which he's already acclimated. His gang are a delightfully maddening crew of young boys. They constantly try to demonstrate their machismo but clearly adore each other.

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posted about 24 hours ago on metafilter
My 11 year old nephew is away at camp for a month and I want to send him a care package. What should I put in it? I'm not sure what is / isn't allowed at this particular camp. I'm thinking candy to share? What else would be awesome?

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
We've got a nine-month-old who's never really been in a pool. We'd like to plan a short two or three day vacation built around playing with him in an *outdoor* pool somewhere that's within a three hour drive of NYC. Please recommend a hotel or bed and breakfast that's got a nice, baby-friendly pool. Before the baby, we stayed at resorts in Arizona and California that'd be perfect for this sort of thing, but we can't seem to find anything similar on the east coast. Thanks!

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Racist Readers Need Not Apply Scott Vogel, editor-in-chief of Houstonia magazine, explains why he canceled the subscriptions of two readers who complained about an ad picturing an interracial family.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
The International Dialects of English Archive (IDEA) is a free, online archive of primary-source dialect and accent recordings of the English language. Founded in 1997 at the University of Kansas, it includes hundreds of recordings of English speakers by natives of nearly 100 different countries. To find an example of an accent or dialect, use the Global Map, or select a continent or region at the Dialects and Accents page. Wikipedia: "The Archive is used primarily by students of accents and dialects, researchers, linguists, actors and those wishing to either study English pronunciation or learn a new dialect or accent. It is fully searchable, not just by country, state, and province, but also by characteristics of each speaker, such as ethnicity, age, and occupation; even single phrases from transcriptions and phonetics can be searched online. All IDEA's recordings are in English, are of native speakers, and include both English-language dialects and English spoken in the accents of other languages. (Many include brief demonstrations of the speaker's native language, too.) The archive also includes extensive Special Collections: * General American * Holocaust Survivors * Native Americans * Oral Histories * Phonetic Transcriptions * Play Names & Terms * Received Pronunciation * Speech and Voice Disorders Related Site *The Speech Accent Archive, which was "established to uniformly exhibit a large set of speech accents from a variety of language backgrounds. Native and non-native speakers of English all read the same English paragraph and are carefully recorded." Browse by language/ speakers, atlas/ regions or native phonetic inventory.

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posted 1 day ago on metafilter
Looking for recommendations for a good, reasonably priced plumber and electrician in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area.I'm buying an older home that needs updating (replace galvanized piping, add more outlets, wire the detached garage) but no major repairs at this time. Bonus points if they are available in early August. Thanks!

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