posted about 9 hours ago on metafilter
My father is 58 years old and recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He also may have issues with his colon but that hasn't been confirmed. He has become very aggresive, angry and hostile towards me and my family since the diagnosis. He has a history of acting like this in times of high stress but now he is been extra hurtful. As a result I have stopped talking to him. I feel bad about not being there for him in this difficult time but feel I still deserve respect and that he should be responsible for his words. How do I deal with this?Throughout my life my father has been complaining about the fact that had he not been a "responsible, hard working parent" his life would have been much better. Now that he has been diagnosed with diabetes he is been extremely aggressive and constantly berates us with hurtful thoughts around that subject. Basically he is blaming his disease on us because he has had to work very hard to raise us. I am 30 years old and have not lived with my parents since I was 17 but mantain a good relationship. Nevertheless, I'd rather not talk to him as everytime I call him he says very hurtful things. My father is not senile and I don't think he is losing his mind. In addition, I have worked very hard to support him emotionally as needed and had given him advice throughout the last 10 years about leaving his current business (he owns a small store). I feel he is still responsible for his behavior and the things that he says which honestly tend to be abusive. However, I also feel like a terrible son for not being around him during this time of duress. What is the best way to deal with these conflicting emotions?

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posted about 9 hours ago on metafilter
I need to write a letter to my employer about how the constant errors in the payroll are causing a financial burden. I am not at all tactful-- what do I say?Almost every paycheck is wrong. Sometimes the hours are off, sometimes the pay rate is wrong, sometimes both. I report it and am told "oh. sorry. we'll fix it and you'll get it next time". I have no savings, live paycheck to paycheck, this is my only income and I have every cent budgeted and accounted for. I understand mistakes happen ONCE IN A WHILE but the errors are frequent, consistent, and recurring. When my pay is incorrect and I am shorted and then have to wait up to 2 weeks for the missing pay I am unable to pay my bills in full/on time. I need to let them know that these constantly recurring errors are not ok, and I need to be paid what I am owed now... not "next time".

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posted about 9 hours ago on metafilter
SFW version : I have no problem getting 'it' up, but I have a problem reaching climax. My basic research says it's likely psychological. So I'm looking to you guys for recommendations. The version inside is NSFW.I'm a 40 year old hetrosexual male, and I've always found reaching orgasm with another person incredibly difficult. In my teens/twenties I used to shy away from sex because I found it too embarrassing to explain why I wasn't able to cum. Twenty years on, and I'm much more relaxed about it, but I still want to be able to beat this. Without meaning to sound like I'm boasting, an hour of active fucking isn't uncommon, and we usually give up when we are both exhausted rather than when we are 'spent'. Masturbating by hand (alone) isn't quick but works. Using a fleshlight (alone) is almost embarrassingly quick (around five minutes). Sex, masturbating with a partner, or manual or oral stimulation just doesn't get me there. It happens, but probably less than 30% of the time, and it takes ages. I've had multiple partners, and it's never not been the case. My online reading says that this is almost certainly psychological rather than physical. I have no idea if that's right, but it's certainly seems logical. Which is why I'm turning to you guys. Right now I can't afford the time or the money to get a psychological input on this one, so I'd like to try online resources. Any suggestions?

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posted about 10 hours ago on metafilter
I have never made bread pudding before, but am looking to tackle it for a holiday meal next week. What's your go-to recipe that bread pudding eaters of all ages enjoy? We are open to apples and nuts, but there are raisin haters in our group. There is a going to be a lot of cooking happening that day so I'm hoping to find a failsafe recipe that can be prepped ahead, uses standard grocery store bread ie. French or croissants, and isn't too fussy. Doesn't have to be caramel sauce, but we are sauce loving people. Any other tips or tricks to pass along? Thanks in advance.

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posted about 11 hours ago on metafilter
I have 4 5-lb chuck roasts I'm cooking for a Hanukkah party tonight - too much to fit in my slow cooker or dutch oven. They've been sitting in the refrigerator overnight slathered in garlic, Dijon, and herbs. I've got a big roasting pan, a rack, carrots, potatoes, onions, herbs, wine, homemade broth...beyond searing them, what I don't have is a cooking method guaranteed to make them succulent and tender. Rack or no rack? How much liquid in the pan. Temperature and time? Veggies in the pan or roasted separately? Other tips or advice?

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posted about 11 hours ago on metafilter
When I was young, I remember reading a Jewish fable, or maybe even many different versions of a fable, about a wily trickster who outwits someone or something who is holding him or his community hostage. It might have been Herschel or Hillel, but whoever it is, he succeeds by bluffing that he is going to do something awful if he doesn't get what he wants.Importantly, he does it without lying, by threatening something along the lines of "you don't want me to get angry" or "you don't want to see what I do when I get angry" or "I don't want to get angry". It turns out to be an empty threat, because he is incapable of doing anything other than simply getting angry, but still technically true, because he truly doesn't want to be unhappy. Help?

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posted about 11 hours ago on metafilter
Where can I find an affordable method to build a copper (or copper effect) heat reflected for behind a stove?I'm very slowly working my way round to installing a woodburning stove. It needs to have a heatproof board behind it. I've read about people adding copper sheet (which I probably can't afford) or "Copper finished Aluminium" (which maybe I can?) behind the stove to reflect heat into the room. Where can I find copper sheet, copper effect aluminium, general copperyness that I can put behind a fire? It will need to be probably a metre high and a metre wide and be installed on top of a carbon silicate panel. The walls to either side are tongue and groove pine. I'm open to other suggestions for a nice finish behind a stove.

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posted about 11 hours ago on metafilter
Our company once had a full fledged marketing department but after years of downsizing we're on our own. Some of my coworkers want to build brand awareness ahead of projects that will be rolling out in the new year. They have the green light from higher ups but no one knows what to do and where to start. How can self motivated individuals learn a crash course in business marketing?We had a marketing department which was outsourced to outside contractors. When that was too expensive a guy in one of our satellite offices took over. He focused on print ads and the company website. As far as I know we're not on social media or have a blog. A supervisor wants to write a PR piece for something his division is releasing soon. This had the ball rolling for others that want to do the same. Are there resources online for beginners? They would need a step by step actionable plan. Where should they start? What else needs to be done down the line?

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posted about 12 hours ago on metafilter
I'm going to London in early February for work and thinking of taking advantage of the fact that Icelandair doesn't charge extra for stopovers in Reykjavik. Would this be worth doing in early February for 24 hours on a pretty small budget, and on a Sunday?Have you done this? What would you recommend doing with such a short amount of time? As far as what I'd be looking for, I really just enjoy wandering around cities, checking out markets, etc. I'd love to see the Northern Lights if possible. I'd be coming in on a red-eye from the east coast of the US, so I'd probably want to sleep for a couple of hours but spend the rest of the time wandering. I'd want to do this for under a few hundred (US) dollars, including hotel/hostel, transit to/from the city, etc.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
I think I might have the flu. My first half marathon is 4 weeks from tomorrow. Can I still run it? How can I get on the mend fast, and back to training ASAP?Woke up yesterday with some bad body aches and slight dry cough. By evening, I was shivering under 3 heavy blankets. Now I can't stop sweating, and my god, everything hurts so bad. My training has been going pretty well so far - had a 15k trail run last weekend (ohmygod it was so damn hilly), and ran it entirely, save for one 20-second water stop, and to wiggle out my limbs. I feel really good about it, though my runkeeper app measured it closer to 16k - my time was just under 1:33. Had two runs this week, and both were pretty bad. Now I've definitely come down with something. How can I get better FAST and get back to training?

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posted about 14 hours ago on metafilter
Me: I'd like to get a little more physically active. Them: You should come run a marathon on the weekend! Why I don't like hackathons, by Alex Bayley aged 39 1/2.

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posted about 14 hours ago on metafilter
Asking for a friend: Landlord says "no DSS". Is it legal to withhold that you receive DSS and apply for housing benefit without the landlord finding out?My friend has finally found a safe and affordable place to live in London but the landlord has said "no DSS". My friend does receive DSS and would be eligible for considerable housing benefit if he signs a tenancy agreement. Is it legal to withhold your DSS status? If my friend goes ahead with the tenancy agreement and then applies for housing benefit, is there any way the landlord could find out? Not that it matters, but friend is otherwise wholly trustworthy, a great tenant, has the deposit, etc. I've read this somewhat related post and he will go to Citizen's Advice bureau and Shelter, but -- flat in London here -- time is of the essence. Thanks if anyone has advice!

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posted about 17 hours ago on metafilter
I need a reliable way to measure my core body temperature while I am sleeping, so I can review the data when I awaken. The sensor needs to be rectal.I suffer from severe DSPD, and will be mounting an attempt to shift my sleep cycle over the holidays. I have an appropriate light therapy device. I have made a few attempts in the past but with limited success. One possibility is that I have been administering the light therapy during the wrong phase of my circadian rhythm, which may lead to ineffective or counterproductive results. The body's temperature undergoes a periodic variation, reaching its lowest point (nadir) an hour or two before one usually awakens naturally. Light therapy administered soon after this nadir will have the biggest effect in advancing the circadian rhythm (desired in my case). Administering the light before the nadir will have the opposite effect (if anyone is interested in learning more about this, here is a very readable paper). Now, in order to give myself the best chance of success, it would be invaluable to be able to obtain real time core body temperature measurements that are recorded while I sleep. That way, when I wake up, I can verify that I'm passed the nadir. The challenge is that skin body temperature measurements are not well correlated with core body temperature. It's not just as if they're consistently higher or lower than the core body temperature, but they're out of phase too. As such, a wearable device that goes around my wrist or arm will not do the trick. Oral and rectal measurements, however, correlate quite well. I can't see how I'd be able to sleep with a sensor inside my mouth (but am open to suggestions), so that leaves rectal. Specifications for such an instrument aren't too extreme. The core body temperature varies about half a degree to a degree (celcius) over a 24 hour period. It would be nice to have a sensor that has a precision of 0.1 celcius, and can take readings every 10 minutes or so. I'm willing to build such a system myself, and it would be good motivation to learn Arduino and some basic circuit building. It would be wonderful, however, if a pre-built device existed, and hence this post! Does anyone have any suggestions, however hairbrained, that may aid me on this brave quest?

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posted about 17 hours ago on metafilter
Tell me some of your favorite sushi roll recipes that don't contain raw fish - they can be vegetarian or not. Are there any that are a good substitute for that melt-in-your-mouth texture of raw fish (vegetarian or not)? Also if there's any recipes that use (and work well with) cooked fish would be awesome as well!

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posted about 17 hours ago on metafilter
"Poor treatment of workers in Chinese factories which make Apple products has been discovered by an undercover BBC Panorama investigation. Filming on an iPhone 6 production line showed Apple's promises to protect workers were routinely broken. It found standards on workers' hours, ID cards, dormitories, work meetings and juvenile workers were being breached at the Pegatron factories. Apple said it strongly disagreed with the programme's conclusions. Exhausted workers were filmed falling asleep on their 12-hour shifts at the Pegatron factories on the outskirts of Shanghai."

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posted about 17 hours ago on metafilter
Here's the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: Instrumental Complete and Vocal Complete. Nice, eh? Well, there's more: Abbey Road Instrumental Complete and Vocal Complete.

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posted about 18 hours ago on metafilter
Decking the halls just wouldn't be the same without the mysteriously stripy hooks of sugar and cavities we call candy canes. But from whence did these delicate, tongue-spearing delights come from? The answer is still shrouded in mystery. (Includes a link to The Complete Confectioner, Pastry-cook, and Baker's striped candy recipe from 1844, for the old-school DIY types.) Hat tip to Gizmodo for the video. Missing the dry taste of nostalgia from Grandma's candy dish? Here's another video on the making of the sinuous cousin to the candy cane, ribbon candy. Peppermint too dull? Have you considered Sriracha, Dill, Gravy, or Bacon? Fun for the whole family! Ribbon candy, previously.

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posted about 18 hours ago on metafilter
Swedish journalist Robert Aschberg, the television show Troll Hunter, Research Group and the ethics of exposing trolls. The goal of Troll Hunter is not to rid the Internet of every troll. "The agenda is to raise hell about all the hate on the Net," he says. "To start a discussion." Back at the Troll Hunter office, a whiteboard organized Aschberg's agenda. Dossiers on other trolls were tacked up in two rows: a pair of teens who anonymously slander their high school classmates on Instagram, a politician who runs a racist website, a male law student who stole the identity of a young woman to entice another man into an online relationship. In a sign of the issue's resonance in Sweden, a pithy neologism has been coined to encompass all these forms of online nastiness: näthat ("Net hate"). Troll Hunter, which has become a minor hit for its brash tackling of näthat, is currently filming its second season.

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
Bill Gates: Good News You May Have Missed in 2014

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
What information and support is out there for adult children of people who themselves survived child abuse (including physical, sexual, and verbal / emotional abuse)? How can abuse survivors' families (including adult children) navigate the effects of untreated trauma?My parent was abused as a child. Our relationship now is often great, sometimes frustrating and perplexing, and occasionally very intense and hurtful. I wonder if understanding the impacts of child abuse they experienced would give me any insight, validation, or ability to better deal with this. I'm trying to understand and cope with tendencies such as sensitivity to (real or imagined) criticism, angry outbursts, blaming, resentfulness, hurtful statements, public scenes, long emails or tearful voice mails about how they are falling apart emotionally due to something I said or did, threats to never talk to me again, calling my girlfriend's phone at inappropriate times when I don't pick up, making shows of not taking basic care of themselves (i.e., they're too distraught over my actions to cook), and accusations of betrayal and abuse (by me). By that last one, one example is that every few years a new complaint arises that I supposedly "always do" to the parent: "you're embarrassed to be seen in public with me, you treat me like an embarrassment." And despite protestations, from then on, various unrelated actions provoke anger (swallowing water wrong and coughing = a way to hide your face). Most of the time, things are mostly fine. But the risk of an outburst hovers. I am working with a therapist to set boundaries and face my fears of how they'll react when I do so. I love this parent and would like to maintain a relationship. (The paragraph above really is a compilation of the worst times; it's not constant badness at that intensity.) But what has been happening to me is not something I can allow to continue. I am now wondering if the person's history of trauma is related, and if so, how (if at all) that should shape my approach to clarifying what kind of behavior and speech is acceptable to me. How have other abuse survivors and their families navigated difficult behaviors by the survivor? I'm eager to learn, so I welcome any leads: scholarly papers, textbooks, self-help books, support groups. (I'm in a large US metropolis.) I have been very perplexed at times. Other approaches to understanding our dynamic have not been a perfect fit. I'm hoping this lens will help. Googling is yielding lots for survivors themselves, but nothing yet on my specific question. Disclaimers: I'm not trying to define their experiences for them or pathologize them. I don't know if this line of reading will be useful or not. They want to have buried this in the past, and in many ways, they very much have. I have no interest in rattling their defenses. Nor do I imagine I can (further) heal them. I doubt they'd pursue treatment or talk about it. I just want to better understand what is going on in our relationship and set my own boundaries going forward.

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posted about 19 hours ago on metafilter
My birthday is a week and a half before Christmas. My family has forgotten my birthday several years in a row now. I kinda don't want to visit for Christmas anymore.I live a few hours drive from my mom and two adult sisters. I frequently struggle with feeling like I'm "out of sight, out of mind". I've tried to deal with that by trying to keep in touch more, calling and texting at least once or twice a week. I get responses or my call returned about half the time, and it's rare for any of the three of them to initiate contact. To be fair, most years, they've realized two or three days later and text me a belated happy birthday. Some years they even give lame excuses. Last year, my thirtieth passed with barely a word. This year, I was battling depression anyway, so my 1a.m. text message that said something along the lines of how it shouldn't hurt so much after several years in a row, may have been a little bratty and out of line. Even if it was cathartic and allowed me to finally stop sobbing and get some sleep. This is the first year I've actually said anything more than "That's ok thanks". Don't get me wrong, I don't expect grand gestures and my family has never been big on sending cards. And we've been pretty clear for a while that I don't expect gifts. But not even a simple text message that most people's auto-complete could do for them? Several years in a row? I feel like if it were just one of them, it could be one of those silly family quirks, but all three of them? While they live separately, they're in daily contact. None of them remembered to remind the others. I do get a yearly reminder for my grandparents' birthdays, and even my stepfather's birthday. I always remember theirs, and often put a lot of thought into a gift or the card in which to slip a gift card. No, I don't expect reciprocity. I'd just like my birthday acknowledged by my family. Christmas is a little over a week away. Their presents have been wrapped and packed since Thanksgiving. My husband and I are expected to make the three hour drive to see the family. It may make me sound like a spoiled brat, but at this point, I just don't want to go. I'll miss my neice and nephew, and my grandparents though. I don't get to see them much. But then, I just don't feel much like a part of the family right now. Sorry this is long and whiny. I don't even know what the question is. Maybe, how do I deal with feeling like this (like shit), and suck it up and go to Christmas. Or maybe, should I go at all? Shipping the gifts won't cost as much as the round trip gas.

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
I find the legal and operational nooks and crannies of running a startup detailed in Neal Stephenson's novel Cryptonomicon fascinating. (Example: "People like Avi and Beryl, who have been in business a lot, have this noticeable preference for two-person conversations [to protect other corporate officers].") Do you have any recommendations for novels or non-fiction with similar storylines, passages and advice?

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
My family including young kids (aged five and up) is flying into LAX on Dec 25th, arriving at around 6:30 AM after a fifteen-hour flight from Australia. We have a seven hour layover. What should I expect from LA traffic on that day? What, if anything, will be open? How easy will it be to call cabs? Any recommendations for kid-friendly things to do, bearing in mind the time constraints, possibly-grumpy kids?

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
"My past is littered with the bones of men who were foolish enough to think I was someone they could sleep on."

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posted about 20 hours ago on metafilter
"Imagine a medical student who is training to be a surgeon but who fears that he'll become distressed if he sees or handles blood. What should his instructors do?" -"Criminal-law teachers face a similar question with law students who are afraid to study rape law." The author worries about "a growing rape exceptionalism, which allows fears of inflicting or re-inflicting trauma to justify foregoing usual procedures and practices of truth-seeking."

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