posted about 1 hour ago on metafilter
I desperately need some help in working with a parent who not only refuses to acknowledge her teenage daughter's inappropriate learned behavior, but does not see that she is actively encouraging and rewarding the behavior. Worse, the mom sends blistering emails every time teachers try to help the kid. This parent is sucking the life out of me and my team and I need some help.I'm a special ed high school teacher and the teen in question is 16 and displays selective mutism. Basically, she talks when she wants to (like to peers and her parents) but when engaged with staff, she won't respond. She literally just stares at people and won't nod, shake her head or otherwise communicate. Additionally, she will not follow directions, instead choosing to silently sit and do nothing or sit on a peer's lap for cuddles (recently, peers have told her to stop). Years of testing and observations indicate this is a learned behavior that is rewarded by her very vocal parents and the kid's team has suggested outside pysch testing and therapy which has been refused, as the mom believes this is a physical issue. (It is not a physical issue.) At the kid's most recent meeting, the team agreed the silence and opposition needed to be addressed and a plan was put into place where the kid would be given a minute to respond to a simple direction/question and after a minute, staff would leave her alone and not make a decision for her (we're very concerned about a young woman going into the world thinking silence indicates consent or otherwise allows other people to make decisions for her because she won't speak). (Here's an example of the dynamic: At a meeting, the kid was asked if she wanted to take a break and would not respond. Instead, she turned and stared at her mother, who took her hands and rephrased the question at least five times as the kid just sat there, staring at her. After a few minutes of this intensely uncomfortable situation as the mom just kept talking, the mom THEN said the kid could go clothes shopping after school but she needed to nod or shake her head. The kid nodded and left the meeting.) The kid knows about and has agreed to this plan. In class yesterday, the kid refused to turn her head to watch a TedTalk, would not verbally respond, and tried leaning into a peer for cuddles. The extremely uncomfortable peer suggested she go for a walk, the kid did, and then stood in the hallway, watching the class through the window. She stayed there for 45 minutes, then after two peers refused to go into the room to retrieve her bag for her, came in to get her stuff and she left. Historically, when she did this, kids would go into the hallway to comfort her but they no longer want to do that. I relayed the story to her mom, didn't emphasize the peer discomfort, noting it was difficult but we were pleased the kid was able to make a choice to come get her things and move on with her day. Within minutes I got a blistering email cc'ed to all the top admin about my incompetency and her kid's devastation at the traumatizing situation I forced her into, and she's demanding a meeting with me and all the top brass. From speaking with previous teachers, apparently emails like this are 100% typical and generally, those meetings don't happen. Historically, staff has stopped trying to get this kid to be more independent because of parental blowback, but I feel like this needs to be addressed. FWIW, the kid knows about the plan and has agreed to it. My question--how to best support a kid whose parent encourages dysfunctional behavior and how to best work with this parent?

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
There are SO many choices. I've tested big over-the-earphones and on-ear phones but you can't try the in-ear styles because, you know. I want them for some long (14+hours) flights coming up and also to be able to listen to podcasts and music in the house and outside walking the dog. Appreciate your advice and recommendations!I'm overwhelmed with research (Consumer Reports, Lifehacker, blogs, blablabla) and am asking for your personal recommendations here. I think I'd like wireless ones. I'm 67, no audiophile, wear glasses and have very little earphone experience but am open to ideas. Don't particularly want to spend $300 but would like to get some good quality ones. I've heard different things about noise-cancelling models. Some say they help with jet-lag and others say they're disorienting. You?

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
Trying to figure out future pension/financial ramifications if non-US citizen takes job with US company.So if a foreign national takes a job with a US company I am assuming they get to contribute to a 401K with employer contributions. I have also seen that if you then take a lump sum payment when you leave it is taxed at 30%, unless you roll it over to another pension plan. So - is it possible to roll it over in to a non-US pension plan? is it possible for a non-US citizen to have a US pension plan? is there somewhere that has information about all this kind of thing?

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
Location History Visualizer does what it says on the box, using Google location history json files. So if you have an Android device, and location tracking switched on (or have ever had this) you can view your own movements around the world over time as a heat map. The visualiser is open source, and built on Leaflet). (Warning, it does require you to enter an email address before it will display the final visualisation. But it doesn't require you to click on any confirmation email or anything like that, so whether you give your actual email is entirely up to you.)

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
Voiceover artist Paul Rugg demonstrates why the best way to relax is petting your dog.

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
So, I'm going to Copenhagen next Friday. I've got some plans, but tell me something awesome to do. I have accommodation booked in Norrebro. Special art, design, day trips, and solo dining. I read this previous Ask and will hit many of those spots.I've got about 4.5 days before work starts. So, Cisterns, Louisiana and most of the big museums are on my list. Will make the day trip out to Louisiana based on the weather and jet lag. Arken, Copenhagen Contemporary, and Den Frie are all on the list. Good day trips other than Helsinger with Louisiana? I really like good, long urban walks to explore cities on foot and maybe wander off a bit and get lost so something out of the way is just fine. For that reason, I'm thinking of skipping Malmo to concentrate on Copenhagen and I may get a chance to visit Sweden later. But if there is a really great side trip I should take, please. Any special contemporary art stuff that you can recommend that might not be in a guidebook. Not especially interested in music and theater for this trip. I will get a Copenhagen Card. I'll be on my own. I'll eat just about anything. But, being on your own makes it harder to try so much good stuff, and sometimes you don't get the best treatment as a solo diner. Will that be an issue? I hope not. But, if you can point me to any restaurants that are really good for those of us dining alone, please let me know. Thanks!

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
Our 23-year-old lives with us. My partner and I are trying to figure out expectations, division of expenses, and how to encourage our child toward adulthood, and I'd love to hear about what other parents do. There are complicated factors having to do with disability, so do read, please.Our 23-year-old lives with us and will be for at least another 18 months or so. My partner and I are finding ourselves frustrated with certain things about living together, and aren't quite sure what expectations to have/insist on. We'd love to hear about other parents' arrangements with their adult children who live at home. We have some complicating factors. Our 23yo receives disability income for mental health reasons but also is in early stages of diagnosis and treatment for POTS (an unnatural increase in heartrate from standing up, more or less). They're also on the autism spectrum, and they have complex PTSD from an abusive and neglectful childhood. We adopted them in their late teens after their birth family abandoned them. I say all of that just so people know that some strategies that would work with other young adults might not be available to us. At the same time, we really want to encourage 23yo toward independence and adult behavior, something they struggle with yet also aspire to. So here are the kind of questions I have: How have you and your adult children dealt with finances? How did you divide food expenses? Were you responsible for your adult child's meals? This one is being vexed for us. I lived with my parents for a few months when I was about 24 and between full-time jobs. I worked part time, managed all my own bills, gas in my car, etc. They didn't charge me rent. If I was around at dinner time, I was welcome to join in, but if they got takeout or went out to dinner, they certainly didn't think they were obligated to include me. With 23yo, their disability and other challenges mean that they don't have as much of an out-of-the-house life as I did, and they tend to expect to be part of whatever we're doing. We find we want them to be more independent, both to relieve pressure on us and to help them with taking more responsibility for themself, something they struggled with. If you have experience with an adult child living at home, tell me how you negotiated various boundaries around finances, space, and so on. If you have experience helping a young person on the spectrum improve their independent skills around self-care, home care, and so on, I'd be happy to hear about that as well. These two things seem intimately connected to us, and it would help us to have a sense of what other parents and adult kids have worked out even if those agreements won't map directly onto our complicated situation. We're stuck and frustrated, and would like to hear ideas.

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
I'm looking for something to fidget with, not a fidget toy or anything made to be fidgeted with. For example, a pocket knife is perfect except that would be inappropriate at meetings and sometimes I am not sober and shouldn't be around sharp objects.I like smooth mechanical motion. Ball point pens or mini flashlights that click are good but annoy others. I like the aesthetic and feel of metal. Must be small, metal, pleasant to touch, and fit in a pocket. Must have a moving part(s) with smooth motion like a pocket knife. Can't be something made for fidgeting; no fidget toys or executive desk toys. I'm thinking that some sort of hand tool that I don't know about would fit these ideals but I don't know what I'm looking for. Assume I've read all similar questions - because I have - and they don't answer my question.

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posted about 8 hours ago on metafilter
Yet another question about selling jewelry. I found a few gold things that I can sell as scrap, but there is one distinctive piece that is worth asking about, a very intricate bracelet. Since I know nothing about jewelry, before I take it somewhere to sell I wanted to check if this looked like the kind of thing that might have additional value over the weight. If so, can any jeweler do the appraisal or should I contact one of the large auction houses?It has no markings other than a 14K stamp, and it weighs 70 grams. If it's my mom's it's probably around 60 years old, but since she didn't wear jewelry it might be my grandmother's, so maybe 75 years old.

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posted about 8 hours ago on metafilter
I'm trying to write a funny story about a first-time skydiving experience. I need help on the technique of funny. What are some examples of short (

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posted about 8 hours ago on metafilter
Hello everyone. In case of an emergency, I bought an Anker Powercore portable charger for my phone. I'm not going to use it for day to day use, just for an emergency. Might anyone know the best way to maintain it? I'm thinking it's not good to keep it always plugged in, right? Should I use it to charge my phone once or week or on some other schedule? Thanks in advance for any advice.

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posted about 10 hours ago on metafilter
I've had a long and kinda-stressful week at work and it's not quite over. What can I do to feel super-relaxed and calm when I'm in a cube farm? (That is, in addition to the large quantities of herbal tea I already consume.)I was just thinking about how when I come home I light some scented candles, switch from overhead lights to lamps, change into house slippers, etc... and yesterday I bought a face mask and lazed around with that on which was extra nice. All those things are super nice but not really feasible in my cube! So what is the cubicle-friendly equivalent to these things? Definitely willing to throw money at this problem.

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posted about 10 hours ago on metafilter
Is the art of making puns an acquired skill, or innate? I am always so impressed when people come up with some dumb play on words based on their present situation. To be clear, it's the spontaneity that's the impressive part for me - the thought literally never occurs to me. Punners of AskMe, how do you do it? Does the thought just pop into your head, or do you have to actively it through first? Did you grow up in a particularly punny environment? Is there anyone out there who has become proficient in punning in their non-native language (English or otherwise)? Would also welcome references to any pun-related scientific literature.

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posted about 11 hours ago on metafilter
I feel like suuuuch an awful person for asking this question, but... I don't know how to resolve it. I'm in a grad program and one of my classmates is trying really hard to become friends with me, but in all honestly, I really don't want to be her friend. How do I navigate this gracefully and with kindness? I feel so awful that I don't want to be her friend!!!She's a fine person, but she's just not someone I want to be friends with. I'm starting to find her attempts at friendship and "closeness" to be really awkward and off putting and as a result I just... am getting SO annoyed with her. I can't stand her now, to be honest. I feel like this situation came about because I was too afraid of being "rude" and changing seats earlier this month. Yikes. She doesn't do readings, gets annoyed when we have discussion topics and barely joins in group discussions, instead she'll do her budgeting or play games on her iPhone. At one point we were supposed to discuss something for 10 minutes with a partner beside us, and we went together, and she just declared that she hated the topic and did her grocery budgeting and meal planning for the month... leaving me with no one to chat with. She's watched me write personal/work emails on my laptop and brings them up for DISCUSSION between us. Despite all this, she keeps making efforts at friendship and I just. Don't. Want. To. Be. Her. Friend. Do I have to drop out of grad school and go back to kindergarten? I don't know why this is such a difficult situation, but it's frustrating me!!!

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posted about 12 hours ago on metafilter
Partner and I are considering a spontaneous day-trip out to Richmond, VA tomorrow. We have enough basic familiarity with Richmond to have a general idea of what could be fun to do, but are seeking insider tips and unexpected ideas.Our interests/hobbies, if it helps: - Vinyl records (We know about Plan 9. We are hoping to hear about any other record stores, especially if they have a lot of vintage and underground soul, funk, r&b, psychedelic, experimental, african/brazilian/middle eastern, or private press stuff!) - We're foodies (the more adventurous, the better) and lovers of beer/breweries - Museums, cultural institutions, arboretums, gardens, etc are all welcome - Atlas Obscura-worthy sightseeing (I've taken a look at AO's list, but would prefer to hear the recommendations of Mefites) - Flea markets/junk shops are another big "yes" for us - It doesn't have to fall into the above categories- if you think it's worth checking out, we'd still like to hear about it! We have a modest budget. We're also hoping to take it relatively easy, and be back home by maybe like 7 or 8pm (it's an hour drive for us)- so not as interested this time in live shows/late night events.

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posted about 12 hours ago on metafilter
A female friend of mine works for a large multinational organization. For sake of the argument, she has been called "Sam", short for Samantha, for 5 years at this organization. Recently the organization hired Samuel Smith, then told Samantha that from now on she'd be known as "Samantha" and the new hire would be "Sam" to "avoid confusion."My friend is bent out of shape about this, but what avenues does she have? Her organization is head-over-heals about "diversity", but this was completely overlooked. Is this discriminatory? She doesn't want to go to HR, but she's interested in other's experiences.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
My business frequently handles organisational and personal data. As a business, how do we communicate that we take privacy seriously without making it a huge issue?For example, if I went into a car showroom and the salesperson said to me "You can trust me". My instinct would be NOT to trust him or her simply because they said that in the first place. That salesperson would have been better off saying nothing about trust. My fear is that If I make a big issue of privacy on company websites and company literature etc., – existing and potential clients might have a similar response! I feel we need to communicate our strong emphasis on privacy but without making it a huge issue?

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
I'm trying to find a list of the movies that got D's on Cinemascore. But I can't come up with the right Google search terms. The menu options on Cinemascore itself lead nowhere. Anybody know a trick?There are lots of articles about the "F" movies, and most of them give the full list. But where did these articles get the information? I want to know because I'm interested in more movies like that, and if you know anything about Cinemascore you know that a D is virtually the same as an F.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
Simon the Magpie makes noises, makes things that make noises, and makes things that make noises that make music. He will also bend your circuits. Oh, he also makes noises with his cat.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
Apart from working inside an agency to learn its inner-workings, is there a resource where one can learn more about these things? Things like documents (contracts, creative briefs, price points, ...), processes, and strategies? How are these learned when one has limited experience working in another company?Successful creative studios have a legal team, project managers, account managers, in-house creatives, outsource creatives, web developers, ... etc. They have specific processes in place that guide the project from the first email to launch day, and they have specific ways of determining scope and pricing, as well as initiating brand and digital strategies. Seeing as we are a a small studio with very modest means but pretty talented creative individuals and limited access to a lawyer, how can we project an image of success business and process-wise to match the quality of our creative work?

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
I'm seeking the name of an unknown comedian who mocked Madonna. He's British, probably in his 50s, and my wife and I saw him probably on either Youtube or Netflix. He did a very filthy and hilarious routine about sex with Madonna. What's his name?

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
What is the chunky beige residue that appears sparingly across the length of my bathtub?I reside on the 4th floor of a 100 year old apartment complex. I took a shower 12 hours ago, and have just noticed chunky beige residue across the length of my bathtub.Pic 1 Pic 2 It's texture appears similar to chewed gum, in half cm sized pellets. The water surrounding it is clear, and relatively plentiful, although it's not unusual for my tub to retain pools of water well after use. I see no indication of this same residue in any sink. Any idea what it is? I want to know how vigorously to clean.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
The Republican attack on the Affordable Care Act has returned, in the form of the Graham-Cassidy bill. Think Progress reports that the bill, will, among other things, gut Medicaid and throw 32 million people off of insurance. The Center for American Progress says that premiums for those with preexisting conditions will skyrocket: for instance, a $17,320 surcharge for a "preexisting" pregnancy and a $142,650 for a 40-year-old with metastatic cancer. Graham-Cassidy seems to have a good chance to pass. Or maybe it can still be stopped, says Politico. Late night host Jimmy Kimmel is fighting the good fight against the bill. There is still time to contact your Senators and Representatives. The bill would repeal individual and employer mandates and turn Medicaid expansion into a block grant program, benefitting states that refused to expand Medicaid. (That is, GOP-led states.) Republicans are attempting to use "reconciliation" mechanisms to get the bill through, before their authority to do so expires on September 30. The American Medical Association is opposed. The bill will likely go to vote next week.

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posted about 14 hours ago on metafilter
As a Christmas gift I want to print about 30 copies of a 6000 word short story, with black and white images, book to resemble a slim, early 20th Century bound hardback. All online or friendly, expert, London UK suggestions welcome.

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posted about 14 hours ago on metafilter
I was doing some reading during downtime at work about Rojava/Northern Syria and was thinking about how I always read about these squats or communes and other places where almost experimental societies are cropping up.I do a lot of reading and it is so interesting that these types of places exist, although it seems like to some people that it isn't very surprising or weird. A friend of mine went and stayed at some big squat in Germany many years ago and witnessed how they went about their day-to-day lives. It's almost like leftist tourism, in a way. Right now I'm reading about the Mondragon Coops in Spain and I was thinking about how cool it'd be to just go visit that area of the country. Does anyone have any ideas of places I can add to a list? I don't ever expect myself to actually go visit these places (for example, Rojava would be on the list, but I don't want to go there), but it's cool to read about and fantasize. Thanks!

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