I met a guy online and I'm interested in him. The feeling seems to be mutual, but I feel like we're stuck in an awkwardly unclear moment that leaves at least one of us (me) in limbo. How can we crawl out of this limbo and progress to something meaningful?We've chatted and had two phone conversations. The chat was pretty lengthy and flowed. The calls have both been after 10pm, were kinda awkward, and ended about 15 minutes later when the awkwardness became too much and he mentioned being drowsy. He doesn't seem to be too talkative. He has at least mentioned that he would like to meet, but we haven't talked about how to do that. Randomish fact: We live a little far from each other but it's a reasonable driving distance and I'm willing to relocate. Today's conversation left me confused. What is this guy thinking? What do I do from here; should I text? Call him? How do we not make it awkward? I'm pretty talkative but it's been weird with him for some reason. Is he just nervous? Now, I understand perfectly that none of you live in his head, but I don't want to waste his or my time, so... what to do to either wrap this up or get to meeting? Memorial Day is coming up, and he mentioned having no plans... I know it's 2013, but we're from the same part of the world and culturally, women don't initiate, that's frowned upon.
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My friend and I are recording the first episode of our podcast tomorrow. What we need now is a name.My friend is a genderqueer history major/gender studies minor who once reenacted the first episode of Gilmore Girls for me while drunk. I am a cisgender female English major bookish-type who is becoming progressively more radical in my feminism as I age. We are both voracious and eclectic TV watchers and want to use our brains/liberal arts degrees on a project that discusses gender and sexuality in television. Each episode we plan to focus on a show, writer, actor, trope, theme, etc. Our first episode will be on Lady Friendships, primarily in the show Community. We find ourselves entirely stymied by the issue of a name. We're looking for something pithy and meaningful that signals what our show is about. It can be funny or silly or a reference but I'm really not a fan of puns. So, Metafilter - what should we call ourselves?
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"We've seen the price of food become more expensive than ever three times in five years. Normally we'd see three price spikes in a century," said Kaufman. "And part of the reason is this new kind of commodity speculation in food markets." In an article published Oct. 24 in Nature[subscription required], Kaufman describes what he calls "Wall Street's thirst for water" — the push to turn water into a commodity like food, with the same instruments that produced the mortgage-backed security collapse and 2008 financial crisis. Public or Private: The Fight Over the Future of Water 007's Water War Was Based In Reality, Not Fiction "There's a growing debate about the importance of oil to our national security, and I think that without a doubt, oil is critical to our national security," says Gleick. "But ironically, I would argue that water is even more important to our national security. There are substitutes for oil; there are no substitutes for water." As foreign investors eye their public utilities, water workers scramble to create cooperatives. Commons Has Expanded, Not Shrunk, Over Past 200 Years - "Public water systems, public education, public libraries, and public roads are modern innovations." Our Hidden Wealth: How The Commons Make Everything Else Work
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Help me be assertive/direct without being hostile/aggressive. Also, help me muddle through some other communication issues. Finally: can a person be nice to others without being taken advantage of?Increasingly, I find myself pondering the quote "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." And I feel like it applies to me directly. I do have codependent tendencies from growing up around addiction, so my lines are a little blurred as to what classifies as being nice versus being a doormat. I feel like I always go out of my way for people, yet find myself feeling under-appreciated a LOT. I also find that people are not exactly eager to return favors: I always cover for people at work, for example, but when I need to take a day off, no one has my back. I was promised a raise months ago, but it was never brought up again and I haven't had the balls to say anything about it. *THIS* is what I mean when I say communication issues. I let things fester and grow under the surface while keeping a smile on my face and a pleasant demeanor. I'll be passive-aggressive as a result of this, and eventually, if it gets bad enough, I'll completely blow up or avoid the person/situation altogether (i.e., I stopped showing up to a volunteer position because my supervisor was wretched to me and I never had the courage to stand up for myself). I had one episode of blowing up at my nasty manager when she cornered me with some very confrontational statements about petty things. I cried and told her about all the unethical BS going on at the (dental) office that I didn't agree with, I mentioned my pseudo-raise that never came into fruition, said I felt unappreciated-- basically I lashed out. While this was a terrible way to have had this conversation, I felt relieved that everything was out on the table. However, nothing changed. I still feel like I'm being bullied by her at work. So, if I were to have another conversation, how could I define some sort of boundary/ultimatum? Without tearfully saying "if you don't stop picking on me and give me my raise I QUIT!" What is a middle-of-the-road consequence I could give? Also, the bullying is not imagined by me. She has a very dominant, aggressive personality and is very unprofessional in her dealings with the staff (I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I think I do take it very personally). Her personality type is like kryptonite to my feeble, pushover one. I feel like I'm a target of prey in her eyes. Anyway... Another of my major issues my inability to say no. Yes is my automatic response when people ask me to do things. This ends up getting me in trouble when I bite off more than I can chew and end up having to flake out on responsibilities last minute because I am overwhelmed with my own agenda. Ultimately, this causes everyone much more headache than if I had just said no to begin with-- I KNOW THIS RATIONALLY, but I cannot seem to implement it when I'm asked for something! I feel like a mean and selfish person when I say no to people. I think maybe I overestimate how much of an impact my response will have on their lives. I know that people DO think of me as a kind and gentle person, which I like about myself, because I really do care about people. I just wish I could retain those qualities while also putting myself first and not feeling guilty when I can't honor someone's wishes. People seem to see kindness as a free pass to treat someone however they want, ask for favors, etc. Or is it me? Is it entirely an issue of boundaries? -How can I be assertive and better at communicating my needs, without getting hotheaded and saying rash things in the heat of the moment? -How can I say no to people? The irony is that I am able to say no to my friends when they invite me to do things that I actually enjoy if I have errands or something, but I can't say no to people who have "authority" over me or who ask me for something that only benefits them. -How do I set healthy boundaries for myself? How do I gauge whether I can realistically take something on versus politely decline? Finally, is it possible to be nice without having people walk all over you? Is it one of those give-and-takes, like if you're aggressive you get what you want but people are scared of you and don't really like you, and if you're nice you don't get what you want but people like you? Specific examples would be great. I'm also into self-help books. And I'm already in therapy, but if you have any exercises that I could work through with my therapist that have been helpful for you or anyone that'd be great too. Thanks in advance for your replies!
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I want to get a tattoo of my cat's front paws up on the shoulder-ish area because that's where she put them when she sat on me. Just a few questions because this will be my first tattoo.So my cat recently died. I want to get her front paws (which I have prints of) on the front of my left shoulder because that's where she put her paws when she sat on me. We're talking small amount of ink here, she was pretty small. But I have a few questions first. 1 - I'm a bit hairy. The exact spot where her paws went is on hair. Is that going to be a problem, or should I adjust the placement a bit to just avoid it? 2 - About how much am I going to end up spending for this? All I want is single color paws. Most likely filled in. No words, nothing fancy except cleaning up the edges of the print. I know you can't give me an exact number so all I'm expecting from you is a ballpark figure. Unless you're in Charleston, then I'll probably end up going to you anyway just because that would be awesome. 3 - I've heard people talking about paw tattoos being used as an indication of how many people you've killed. Anything I have to worry about, especially considering that mine will be covered as long as I have a shirt with sleeves on?
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I work in a managerial/supervisory role in a public agency. My colleagues who are union members will quite likely be going on strike Tuesday. I have never been in this situation before and am not sure what I can/should do.So, I feel like this is a really stupid question, but my work life has never previously involved a unionized workplace, or the logistics and ethics of dealing with a strike. I am totally and completely on the side of the union in this particular dispute. I am also very worried about the people our organization serves who could be in significant difficulty with no staff to help them. My direct supervisor, who shares my feelings of support for the union, has sort of conveyed to me that the expectation is that we will be present, working, doing what we can, but at the same time not endeavoring to entirely fill the roles of our striking colleagues, and that that is OK. I would feel weird and creepy crossing picket lines, but if this is something that's expected of people in managerial/supervisory roles, or at least not culpable and rat-like, it would be reassuring to know that. I want to be able to continue assisting people who rely on our office for services, but I don't want to undercut the sacrifices my colleagues on strike would be making. Help? Words of wisdom?
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Where can I buy Thai Basil in NYC?
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I have a SATA to USB adapter that can handle 2.5 and 3.5 drives and is great for quick transfers and migrations without having to lug around an external drive. There don't seem to be any that can handle drives above 2TB which are becoming more common now that 3TB drives are so cheap. Does such a device exist that can handle larger drives?I already have and don't want another external drive, or one of those docks that a drive can be inserted into as I want the portability of a small adapter and the cables. I've found this one that can handle 3TB but there are already 4TB drives so that still will have the same problem as 3.5 and 4TB and higher drives become common.
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Someone who lived in Japan told me that rice grown in Japan is amazing. I would love to buy real Japanese grown rice, but all I can find is California grown Japanese style rice.I assume I'll have to buy the rice online, and that it will be very expensive.
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So, spouse and I snagged an invitation to the "Man of Steel" premier (at Lincoln Center) and after-party in New York. But, I've never been to New York and don't have a clue about the place. I have a couple of questions. I've tentatively booked a room at the Empire Hotel (price and location, along with reviews seemed reasonable), my question for you folks is: Is there a compelling reason why I SHOULDN'T stay there? And, if the answer to that is "Do Not Stay There!!!", what other options are there (close to Lincoln Center, room cost $300 per night or less)? The second half of the question is: I'll have from Saturday evening (June 8th) until later afternoon on Monday to experience New York... What should we do?
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I know it's some sort of SQL injection, but I didn't type it in, it just appeared briefly. I just want to know more about it and how it works.I was looking at a page in Japanese on firefox, and I wanted a translation so I copied and pasted to Comodo Dragon which is a Browser built on the Chrome rendering engine. When I did, the browser locked up for a about 10 seconds, then acted wonky for a few more seconds, then i happened to be looking at the address bar when it happened, I saw that words Drop Table. It didn't stay there long enough for me to see then entire thing. Have you ever heard of this? By which I mean an SQL injection executed on a remote machine. I am naturally running a scan on my machine. Would anyone happen to be able to shed some light on this matter?
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Au revoir, Georges Moustaki. The French chansonnier, who got his start writing for Edith Piaf, and later had a lengthy career of his own, has passed away. His simple, languid, contemplative songs include "Le Métèque", "Ma Solitude", "Votre Fille a Vingt Ans" and many, many, many more. He was 79.
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Lessons are expensive and I never want to sing for an audience, I only want to improve my voice for singing in the car and shower. Is it possible to teach yourself to be a better singer?I looove singing, but only when I'm by myself. It seems pointless to take lessons with a professional voice teacher when nobody will ever hear me, but I hate it when I'm belting a song out in the car or shower and I can't quite hit a note or can't emote with my voice the way I wish I could. I did attempt to learn from my incredibly talented friend (who is now a professional opera singer with one of the leading companies in the world, SO PROUD of her!) Unfortunately, the second I was in front of another person (especially someone as amazing as my friend) I clammed right up and couldn't make a peep. That's another reason for not wanting to go to a voice teacher, I'm terrified of singing in front of other people unless it's supposed to be funny, like belting 80's hits at karaoke where nobody is trying to sound awesome. I understand that whatever I do will be less effective without a trained ear to point out my mistakes, but I don't need to be a great or even good singer, just a better one. What are drills or exercises I should be doing? Any free online resource recommendations? How much time do you need to spend practicing every day to notice any improvement? I know absolutely nothing, so lay your knowledge on me.
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We're a family of four with two girls, ages 5 and almost 2. Need to keep grocery budget around 100/week. We like to buy organic fruits, veggies, and milk. How do you do it? Examples, lists, all helpful. We've been averaging 250/week until recently, when it's been down to about 150. I am a full-time parent and do most of the cooking, usually cooking 3-4 times a week. I love cooking and trying new recipes, but one child is very picky and likes things like packaged yogurt and breakfast bars. I used to shop exclusively at Whole Foods, and would like to continue to buy fruits, veggies, and milk products there, but am open to traditional grocery stores for other items. We eat lots of veggie meals but also some chicken, fish, and occasional red meat.
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I'm teaching a college section on audio perception, and I'm looking for (preferably free) tone generation software for classroom demonstrations -- in particular, something that will let me control the level of the individual harmonics independently. It would be great there was also the capacity to control the ADSR envelope, but that's less important. I'd also be interested to hear about anything else that people have found useful for a class like this. Thanks!
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Can you help me evaluate new career directions in the Bay Area?I consulted this question already: http://ask.metafilter.com/195767/Seeking-opinions-on-career-options-and-life-directions-for-a-young-geologist-please-weigh-in-with-your-experiences I'll try to keep this post free from b*tching. I live in the Bay Area. 1. I want to work outside (the original reason why I became a geologist), but not in Superfund sites (have already been an environmental consultant, and did not care for that part of the job) 2. I want to make meaningful contributions to the world around me based on my knowledge (for example, I love dogs, and would love walking dogs for work, but don't think this is the best use of my passions and education) 3. I'm OK (but not AMAZING) with computers, coding, mapping. This would likely require indoor work anyway. If you have specific ideas about how to help me, or know someone/something that might help me redirect, I'd be much obliged. Books, etc.! Many Thanks.
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Ask Strax! The famed warrior from the Sontaran Empire answers questions from miniature humans for Monster Day Out. "The last time a human called me a 'Potato Head' I simply turned and walked away calm and collected ... once I had crushed him to a pulp him with my monster fists!!"
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The former singer for Freshkills talks about playing in a band no one likes
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By a vote of 61-38 the National Council of the Boy Scouts of America has finalized a decision to lift sexual orientation from the criteria to discriminate for youth membership. Previously and previously. The change in policy will not apply to pack leaders or trans youth.
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My partner, who is good for me in so many ways, and has made my life incredibly better, is really self-centered in some ways. He is non-neurotypical. It's confusing. What should I do?I know I'll probably get dinged a lot for this question, as it's similar to others I've asked, but I just don't know what to do and think maybe I'm not phrasing the question correctly. Every few months this comes up and I think about breaking up, but then I realize how wonderful he is and try to find another solution. Maybe I'm just super critical and my standards are too high? My partner has been really good for me. I'm happier, more productive, more relaxed, and more joyful because of his influence. I feel loved for the first time in my life. He takes good care of me. He shows me how much he loves me all the time, by telling me, protecting me physically (getting me a bike helmet, for example), encouraging me, and more. I've grown a lot personally. I'm calmer in general (that's a real issue for me). He is committed to me, has shared his family (who are fantastic) with me, tells me how wonderful I am every day, etc. He also has some rare personal traits that I have longed for for a very long time and never thought I'd find again. I'm okay being single, but I am much, much happier with him. I'm not depressed, probably for the first time in my life. I feel accepted, cared for, stable. (See this comment here.) But there are problems that I keep wrestling with, and don't know how to address. Maybe I should ask separate questions about how to deal with each of these things? Maybe they are all separate things? I don't know. They seem to me to be related. He's very... self centered. I'll give some very concrete examples to see if this helps. It's a bit hard to pin down. For example: - He has to have everything right away, when he needs it, or he flips out and gets angry and frustrated and blame-y. If he's hungry, we have to go eat right then. If he's bored, we have to watch what he wants to watch on TV. If he wants to see me, he gets really distressed if I have other plans. It's very emotionally demanding to be around him. It's draining. - If he doesn't want to do something, we just... never (or extremely rarely) do it. I like to go dancing and have asked him to go with me many times but have never done it. If he likes a set of people, he will hang out with them. If he doesn't, he simply won't ever see them, even if they are my friends. I like girlier movies than he does and we have watched a romantic comedy exactly twice although I watch his sci-fi stuff every week or so. He's just not a compromiser. If he wants to do something, he has to do it. If he doesn't want to do something, he simply won't do it. - He has a lot of trouble listening. He has to say what's on his mind, no matter how long and rambly, until it's been said. He can't give others the same courtesy as he thinks he knows what they are saying before they say it and then has to say his response. If he sets his mind to listen, he is a good listener. But it can't be sprung on him, in the middle of a conversation. He needs a lot of warm up to hear other people. - When he gets defensive, he doesn't just apologize and move on. He has to be right. He explains that it was because he was (tired, hungry, feeling sick, depressed, etc.) instead of just saying, "Yeah, I should have been less defensive." This means that arguments can take an hour that could just take 5 minutes. Finally, at the end, he says, kind of sheepishly, "I guess that was kind of immature." He's open to reading more about the subject, and to counseling. He says he'd be happy to learn some techniques to be better at this. - We stayed with a friend of mine when we were traveling. He thought the friend was boring and uncreative. He couldn't hang out with him and make small talk and just be nice. He was incredibly brusque and wound up staying in his room most of the time. The friend doesn't like him (understandably), and it's strained my relationship with the friend. He's not Asperger-ish at all. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and learning disabilities. I've been reading quite a bit on these subjects and I know that some of these difficulties are typical. I know people are going to tell me to DTMFA. I know this sounds really bad. But... I keep thinking about it, and my life is just BETTER with him in it. I am genuinely happier. I feel safe and secure in ways I never thought possible. I have become more feminist. I feel more empowered. I do better work. I am less stressed out. Also, I love him (of course). So my question: - Have you been in a relationship with some real issues, but that just makes your life better? - He's open to learning about how to improve. I've shared some resources with him before and he read and discussed them with me. He's made some changes to his diet and exercise and that has helped him feel better. If you're like him (or used to be), what has helped you? - Anything else that might help!
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Next to a beautiful, elegant woman, between the silky spirals of her train, on the back of a chair, in a dark angle in the background, he accurately painted, although almost invisible, the animal that recalled the face of the protagonist. He thus had a series of ladies and gentlemen from the squirrel, from the lizard, from the sea horse, etc. From "The Real Face," by Guido Gozzano, "first and finest representative of the Crepuscolari, the poets of the Twilight." (The translators are Anna and Evan Connell. Evan Connell is himself a Neo-Decadent writer of no small accomplishment.)
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Park Slope Family Circus: Old Family Circus panels combined with jokes poking fun at denizens of Park Slope, Brooklyn.
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My girlfriend and I will be visiting San Jose, CA this weekend to go to a convention at the main convention center downtown. I'm looking for places on AirBnB.com. I don't know San Jose at all. I'm wondering what would be good neighborhoods to stay in. (Sorry for the abbreviated question title -- the length limit forced me to be terse.)These are the San Jose neighborhood options on AirBnb... Alviso 1 Atherton 2 Belmont 7 Berryessa 3 Cambrian/Pioneer 2 Campbell 7 Central San Jose 1 Cupertino 5 Downtown 1 East Palo Alto 1 Five Wounds/Brookwood Terrace 4 Los Altos 1 Los Altos Hills 7 Menlo Park 11 Mountain View 2 Naglee Park 2 North San Jose 22 Palo Alto 3 Redwood City 4 San Carlos 3 Santa Clara 1 Shasta/Hanchett Park 2 Stanford 1 Sunnyvale 3 Willow Glen 1 Woodside
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Any recommendations for stylish but functional Wordpress calendars?I'm running a Wordpress website for a community that cares about design. We're hoping to add a calendar with various community events, but all the calendar plug-ins that I can seem to find look, well, blocky -- a bit like most of the calendars here. Any thoughts on where I can find a stylish but functional Wordpress calendar? The capabilities don't have to be much, and we're willing to pay a little (though not a lot). The most important thing is that the calendar not feel like some blocky plug-in. For what it's worth, too, I'm relatively new to Wordpress, but we have folks who can guide us on something more complicated. Thanks in advance for the ideas!
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He says cinematography makes or breaks a film for him; plot and acting are secondary. He likes Netflix, but find it frustrating that it keeps suggesting films he doesn't like. I tried to get him to give me examples of films he's enjoyed, but he just said "Oh, you know, old black and white things, when cinematography was good." Can you please help me come up with some suggestions of things for him, perhaps something newer than Citizen Kane?
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