posted less than an hour ago on metafilter
I have found myself in the fortunate position of having a somewhat senior role in a small, fast-growing software company. Because of my total lack of software/sales experience, I have this strong gut feeling that my approach is "winging it" and I would like to start understanding more seriously what I need to do.I am in a strange position. My background is in the entertainment industry, and because of this background I was hired by my current company (which sells principally to that industry) and through a series of promotions and employee turnover now hold a relatively senior position. Though it is officially "Customer Success," the role runs the gamut from key/enterprise account management, inside sales, lifecycle marketing, to 'traditional' customer success. The software is SaaS, and through a mix of a fantastic product and quality referrals from the right customers, we have been able to maintain a positive growth trend. However, as the company grows I will need to define my role more precisely, and without experience I am worried about missing out on opportunities and being relegated to a more junior role over time. I would really prefer to be a key driver of the company's growth towards profit and ultimately sale, and I think my current approach is probably only halfway beneficial. What it comes down to is that I do not really understand "the path" that we should be on, and I want to read case studies/biographies/histories of similar sales/account management/customer success teams to understand how they have succeeded. I am sure that we are doing some things right and some things wrong, and I want to better understand through the lens of history what those are. I am not interested in a lot of the customer success-focused content that gets churned out by companies with an agenda (Natero, Gainsight, Totango, etc.). I am also acutely aware of how many other companies with our business model are revenue-positive but not profitable, and I want to steer clear of emulating those companies. I also have read a lot of essays of the "Growth Hacking" variety and found very little actionable insight from that genre. If you can point me to anything - brilliant Quora responses, business journals, books that are maybe not SaaS-specific but which offer a proven top-level sales vision, I am totally open to it. Show me what you got, mefites.

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
I am currently between jobs and will soon have more free time than I want while my two kids are at kindergarten. I want to learn how to cook in large-ish quantites, healthily and more frugally for our family of four. Please recommend blogs or individual recipes!Restrictions: - No crockpot, slow cooker or other specialised equipment. - Only teeny tiny freezer space - Both vegetarian and meat recipes...probably more with meat than without. Thank you!

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
Last asked in 2012 and with some sites from there now dead, what would you recommend now?

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
My marriage is falling apart and I am getting very mixed messages from my wife. As she has finally started the road to recovery she also met someone else in AA and they are having quite the affair. I am struggling with the hurt and anger but also with still loving her and wanting her back. Please help me with some new perspectives.We have been married 9 years. We have 2 wonderful and energetic children. Her drinking started 6 years ago and was off and on for a while. About 3 years ago she started on a long downward slide. This May she was in detox. Finally in June she started AA and really started working it. While she was struggling, so was I. I became distant and angry, said some things, yelled a lot. I couldn't handle the drinking. As a result, we grew apart even as she was struggling. As she kept going to AA, she was getting better until I started getting a feeling something was wrong. My hard shell finally cracked: she was seeing someone else. It took 4 weeks until the truth came out. A man in AA that at first was becoming her sponsor became more than that. Now she is in love with him and I don't kmow what to do. I started seeing a therapist and going to Al-anon. This is a long process for me as well but it's made harder because I don't know what she is doing. My marriage is important but her recovery is even more so, we have small kids that need their mother. We have a sort of truce. I started sleeping on the couch and that seemed to get to want to reconnect and fix our broken marriage. We are supposed to start seeing another couples councilor (the first one didn't help I think because my wife did not admit to the affair during sessions). I don't have a lot of hope for this because she is still with him. I don't know how we can work together on us when she looks at him and sees smiles and happiness and looks at me and sees years of baggage. I am hurt and angry and I want her back. I don't know what to do.

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
I've had really great peperoncini pastas out at restaurants, but have not been able to replicate them at home - my home cooked version(s) lack flavor (sad and bland) and just don't have that oily, savory slickness you get in a great restaurant version. I've been using this and similar recipes, and am a medium-experienced cook. Anyone have tips, tricks, or a recipe you love?(Note: the peperoncini involved here is a small red chili pepper, which (I believe) is different from the light green pepperoncini you find a jar, on Greek salads, etc.)

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
As the UK continues to absorb the implications of the Brexit referendum vote, further splits open due to the (possibly overcooked) arguments between TV cooking show hosts. The declaration of one, that "no family should own a deep-fat fryer" leads to the reply that "...the UK was built on chips and spam fritters." Host hostilities are further inflamed by the cultural flashpoint of whether Jaffa Cakes should, or could, be dunked in tea, with the retort of "We don't do that in the south, you know." (Previously [1] and [2]) Guardian: "Reminiscing about his childhood, Wallace said: "Just thinking about it takes me back to happy times when what we call dinner now was known as 'tea' and we ate it around five o'clock. Dinner was what you had at school at midday. The smell of deep-fat frying was universal back then, wasn't it? It brought families and friends together."" i-news: "Everything except for fizzy drinks - Yes, she'd like to see them out of the picture entirely. "I honestly think there shouldn't be sugared drinks. All my grandchildren drink water all through the day. I've just had them to stay and at breakfast they have water. They don't even know what sugary drinks are."" Belfast Telegraph: "After setting contestants a technical challenge to make 12 identical jaffa cakes, Paul and Mary tucked into a plate of perfectly created biscuits as they discussed the correct way to make the sweet treats. As their discussion came to an end, Merseyside native Paul moistened his jaffa by sticking it in his brew." (not innuendo) Jaffa Cakes on Wikipedia. (article now semi-protected due to vandalism)

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
What was Thor up to during the Captain America: Civil War slap-fight between Thor's earthly comrades? "I guess I'm just taking a break." Starring Thor, Thor's roommate, Mjolnir, and a special Avenger guest. (alternate video link) This return of the Marvel One-Shots was directed by Taika Waititi, at some point when he wasn't busy directing Thor: Ragnarok.

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
Car is a 2009 Toyota Matrix with 67,000 miles. Check Engine light came on two days ago, went off after oil change, came on again. Diagnostic at auto store today said P0354 Ignition Coil D Primary / Secondary Circuit. Light went off again after restarting after diagnostic, but I've only drive 5 miles since. It will difficult to get car to shop this week; might put another 50 miles on the car in the meantime. Is this just a performance issue, or might I damage the engine by driving with this issue? Thanks.

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
I have a small wood Buddhist wood statue, and I am trying to determine what culture it is from, who the sculpture depicts, what mudra is being shown, and how it would have originally been displayed.To help identify the culture, here is a picture from the front and side. The head appears to have long hair and be female. Coul this be Guanyin? Do you think it is a Bodhisattva? The mudra appears to be a middle finger extended, with the other fingers down--much like "giving the finger" in the west. I have never seem one like this, so any thoughts would be most appreciated. Here is one, two, and three photos of it. Lastly, if you could help me to understand how this was used. Am I correct that this would have been for a home altar? Any thoughts would be most appreciated.

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
I've been an AD/ACD/freelance in Chicago for 15 years and I cannot stand agency world anymore. Plus, I'm 40 something, and seems like new hires are usually very young, and the lack of people over the age of 35 at agencies these days is appalling. Need help figuring a way into client/corporate side.I want to go corporate side. I like to design communications, solve problems, and work hard, but I have zero interest in backstabbing for awards, 14 hour days/7 day weeks for crummy client pitches, etc.. Plus, I've had bad experiences with the volatility of agency reality: Clients self-destructing or moving their business, meaning layoffs, layoffs, layoffs. I'm looking for a single client life, while understanding that corporate side isn't Utopia. How do you find more ways into the corporate world, places with internal creative departments? I've found every AD job I've ever had, full time and freelance through networking and social media, though I pretty much only have professional/business friends and contacts in agency-world. I had a recco for a large credit card company, but logistically it didn't work out, though that's the kind of thing I'm looking for. Any suggestions? Is it really a matter of applying online without any introduction? I've been doing that, but it just seems like tossing a message in a bottle out into the ocean. Plus, I've contacted recruiters with some pretty spotty, almost shady results. Real stories about this would be ideal. Thanks.

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
I'm good at drawing, and pretty creative. I'd love to start making my own greeting cards with personalized drawings for my friends. How can I make this look good, instead of just like I didn't want to go to Hallmark?I don't scrapbook or do any type of paper craft, so this is 100% new territory to me. If you make your own greeting cards, what tips do you have to make them look good, or more professional than just folding a piece of copy paper in half and drawing on the outside of it?

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
From Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, the best of "worldly cinema" according to Reddit users. The individual country threads provide alternate suggestions. The list is as idiosyncratic as can be expected from a Reddit poll: entries on Niger, Nigeria and Palestine had to be deleted because the threads were downvoted to death, Vietnamese cinema does not exist at all and the Best Swedish Movie Ever is [spoiler]. It is, however, a powerful reminder that movies are made everywhere. Belize - The Curse of the Xtabai (2012) Dir. Matthiew Klinck A sealed ancient Mayan cave would be blown open unleashing Xtabai to wreak havoc on the world and destroy civilization. She begins by infecting the inhabitants of a nearby village with a terrible and deadly fever. The government responds by placing the village under quarantine. A team of students along with their teacher escape into the jungle to find a cure, guided only by a dream. They go deep into the bowels of the Mayan underworld, hunted by Xtabai herself. Will they ultimately succeed in defeating the evil Xtabai and saving mankind from her curse? How many will live to tell the tale? IMDB - YouTube

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
I need some new dress shirts, and I love deep, dark jewel tones.So far, I have found this Geoffrey Beene shirt (in graphite blue), which is very close to some that I had purchased a few years ago. However, I want shirts that are a solid color. The shirts linked above are listed as "Bedford Cord" and if you zoom in, you can see the cords give them a faint striped pattern. I like deep dark jewel tones (scarlet, royal blue, deep purple, emerald), so pastels and patterns are right out for me. I prefer point collars over spread ones, and I hate button down shirts. I need a classic fit, I have an 18" neck, and 34/35 sleeves. Any reccommendations?

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
New friend is obsessed with her rare health issue. I need to set some boundaries for discussions around this. Special snowflake details below :)I have recently befriended a young adult cousin of my husband---she has been in a graduate program and so is often free during the day, and I have been off work for the summer, so we have met for coffee a few times. We are both the type of person who has aspired to have more of a social life and found that difficult for various reasons, so even though we have some small differences in age, entertainment tastes and so on, I have persevered and generally enjoy having someone I can call when I want company, even if they are not my best BFF in the world. The only real issue has been that she has a chronic health condition and she is obsessed with it. It's something in the same family as fibromyalgia, although it is not that specifically. And she is obsessive about it. She thinks every setback she has in life (job or school issues, etc) is a direct consequence of this and so is very engaged in 'activism' and such things around the topic. She also believes that this illness has a genetic origin, and that my husband's family is in denial about this. It's this last part I'm struggling with a little. Several times, in discussion of her own symptoms, she has mentioned that whatever it is is something I should 'be on the lookout for' regarding my own child. I have found pregnancy to be anxiety-filled enough already without adding that kind of paranoia into the mix, for one thing. And additionally, many of the 'symptoms' she describes are quite nebulous. Like, having good coordination and flexibility could be a 'warning sign' about this illness. Or, it could just be that someone has good coordination and flexibility. Or having unexplained rashes---could be her special illness, or it could be the eczema trait which is very strong in my family. Or it could be a contact reaction to a bug or a plant or a new brand of laundry soap. So, I'm not sure how to negotiate conversation around this. I will entertain a certain amount of venting about her own stuff, as part of being a supportive friend, but I would really rather not bring the baby into this. How should I respond to this the next time it comes up?

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
I'm looking for evidence-based information about the health effects of coffee.I am not very familiar with scientific methodologies, so I would ask the hivemind for help. Thank you!! :)

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
Food Manga: Where Culture, Conflict And Cooking All Collide [NPR.org] "In Japan, nearly every interest has a manga dedicated to it, whether it's sports, music or shooting pool. So it's no wonder that food, which has always been tied to Japan's cultural identity, has skyrocketed as a genre of manga, which represents about 40 percent of all books published in that country. Food manga first appeared in the 1980s, when the Japanese economy was strong, says Nancy Stalker, professor of Japanese history and culture at the University of Texas at Austin. One of the first, Oishinbo, ran for more than 20 years and became the basis for an anime series, as have many manga since. Conflict and cooking are at the heart of many food manga: Food Wars, Soldier of Food, Wakakozake, Detective Glutton, Solitary Gourmet, Criminal Grub, Cooking Master Boy, Antique Bakery, High Plains Gourmet." Related: - Japan's 10 Best Culinary Manga [Medium] 1. Shota's Sushi (将太の寿司) 2. Ramen Discovery Legend (ラーメン発見伝) 3. Cooking Papa (クッキングパパ) 4. Natsuko's Sake (夏子の酒) 5. Natsu's Brewery (奈津の蔵) 6. One Man's Train Station Bento Journey (駅弁ひとり旅) 7. The Ambassador's Chef (大使閣下の料理人) 8. Professor Genmai's Bento Box (玄米先生の弁当箱) 9. Third-Generation Tsukiji Fish Market Man (築地魚河岸三代目) 10. Oishinbo (美味しんぼ) - The 5 Best Farm Mangas [Modern Farmer] 1. Moyashimon: Tales of Agriculture by Masayuki Ishikawa 2. Silver Spoon by Hiromu Arakawa 3. Genmai Sensei no Bentou Bako by Kitahara Masaki 4. Shota no Sushi by Daisuke Terasawa 5. Natsuko no Sake by Akira Oze - The Joys of "Oishinbo" [The New Yorker] "This expertise is vast, and it makes the series an enlightening read. Most of the stories center on the discovery of some aspect of Japanese cooking: as Yamaoka samples fish and mills rice, he also guides the reader through new ingredients and old traditions, with the help of copious footnotes. I did not know, for example, that black edamame are a delicacy, or that sake comes in so many varieties. But his mission is not only a search for good ingredients. The book constantly admonishes fanciness when simplicity will suffice, and flourish that ignores basic principles. In one story, an amateur chef given to showy knife skills has to peel a three-metre strip off of a single radish to prove his worth. In another, a worker attempts to impress his date by eating elegant French food, only to realize that nothing is more satisfying than ramen noodles. (French food, it might be noted, does not come off very well in the series)." - "Osen": a Manga That Conveys Japanese Food Philosophy and Tradition [Going Japanesque] There is a concept that is called "Shokuiku (Food education)". This concept promotes an idea that selecting and eating one's food properly is the basis of growing a healthy person. This concept is widely adopted, for example in instructions at Japanese kindergartens. Valuing traditional dishes as a part of the culture and passing them down correctly is also a part of Shokuiku. This time, we would like to introduce "Osen", a manga that describes Japanese culture with an emphasis on "food". Yoshio Ezaki is a young man, who is expected to succeed his family's Japanese inn operation. As part of his training, he was employed at "Issho-an", a restaurant touted as one of the best in the industry with its long established history. The beautiful maître d' of the restaurant is Sen Handa. Though usually lazy and loves drinking, she is capable of providing a top-notch, superb hospitality when it is necessary. This is a humanity drama of this woman and people around her, featuring her multi-talented efforts made for the sake of customers and other people, in the areas of food, ceramics and so on.

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posted about 9 hours ago on metafilter
n00b question coming up. I love everything about the layout of this page for making long lists of topical reading manageable on the eye. I really want to replicate it to keep track of my own reading. But how?I have tried copying and pasting the source code into an html editor, but it doesn't look the same (presumably I don't have the css file and am not savvy enough to figure it out). Is there a content management editor or similar theme that can help me make this for myself, or something I am missing about how to replicate this?

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
I know H&M runs small but I don't own any of their clothes. Do I order the shirt I love 1 or 2 sizes up? (Link inside - Women's edition!)Here's the shirt. (stunning) It looks button front so I won't have to slip it on. I'm debating between a 4 and a 6. My bust is about 33"ish with a bra, waist is 26". (My instagram is linked in my profile if you want to see my body type.) I also normally wear a Junior's small or a women's X-small - for example I'm a Small at Forever 21. I've read that if the shirt is billowy or blousy than you can do just one size up. Though it won't be the end of the world if it's a little loose with the style and I'd rather have loose than have buttons pull at the bust but I also don't want a tent. Do I go with a 4 or a 6? I know I can return/exchange but I'd like to not have to. Thank you all!

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
YANMUKL, 15 years ago my partner's children's grandmother gave her £30,000 "from her son's inheritance" to pay off the mortgage on her house. 10 years later, he moves out. I move in a year later. Now he is sending very nasty emails claiming he will sue for the money if she doesn't give it back to him. Should I get a lawyer?They were not a couple but two people who saw a momentary attraction that lead to one wildly unprepared person becoming a father. They lived under the same roof in separate beds (his choice) in separate rooms for the last 12 years of their relationship. He seemed relieved when he moved out and actually became more interested in his kids but no attempt was made to reconcile. Then she met me six months later and I moved in about six months after that. He went on a six month holiday and came back to find I had moved in. Since then, he blames me for ruining his life and taking away from him his right to sleep in his own home. He has emailed through all kinds of lawsuit research mainly about alimony and aging siblings who decide to split but one wants to sell the house to get back what they put in. He hasn't paid child maintenance in two years and now claims I am paying it for him out of the rent I owe him for living in his house. This is referring to money I give for home expenses every month. A UK lawyer we contacted said he had no case for ownership. My partner says the gift was not known to her until the minute the check was put in her hand with a newborn baby in her other arm and a toddler at her feet. I could just imagine his mother thinking she had this all wrapped up and him protesting the loss of "his" money. The mother is the owner of the money. Partner and her have talked once about it, pretty much to the effect of mother wants to keep a roof over her grandkid's heads. Frankly, I would buy the house. I have offered her my own money but I can't pay it off all at once. I am actively looking at a second job that night bring in enough commission to pay him off quickly but it feels like he is blackmailing my partner through these messages to force her pay him off instead of taking her to court. Youngest is now 15. I figure I have three years pay this off or head this off. I don't even know what kind of legal specialist to be looking for. But importantly I need to know how We should be treating this issue from a legal standpoint.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
I was dating someone I really liked for a few months. He ended things by saying via text we needed to talk, and then ignoring my texts (one in which which I agreed to talk and one in which, after several days had passed, I reiterated that I was available to talk). I know he is alive because I saw him once when I was out (we did not acknowledge or speak to each other, though I'm sure he saw me too). I've been told vehemently by friends that what he did was very shitty. Objectively I can see that this is true. I'm sure I would say the same to a friend in my position. But I can't feel angry. I just feel very hurt. And the hurt is dragging out for a long time - it's been a few months and I'm having trouble moving on, and I still wonder what went wrong. I think it would be healthy to feel angry towards him, perhaps even contemptuous, and I wonder if my lack of anger is rooted in low self-esteem. I wonder if I believe on some level that he was correct in his behavior because I am not deserving of respect. Has anyone else had the experience of not being angry when it makes perfect sense to be angry, and the anger would be healthy and protective? Have you managed to stir up some anger? How Did it help? Did something else help? Note: I am perfectly capable of being angry in other situations.

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posted about 13 hours ago on metafilter
Just got promoted, yay! Except another job that I'm interested in was recently posted ...When I first saw the listing, I mentally filed it as, "Oh damn that would have been a great position, and I'm more or less qualified. Oh well, maybe something similar will come up in a few years." The position is related to my current job, but while my current job is more of a generalist, jack of all trades job that has occasional opportunities to dabble in my area of interest, this other position would be working as a technical specialist exclusively in my area of interest. They are probably of similar seniority level, but the technical specialist role is a lot more substantive (possibly better paid, I have no real way of knowing). Though I had not been planning on applying, few days later the hiring manager for the position contacted me just to point me in the direction of the job advertisement. I'd worked with the hiring manager on a project a few months back that I got a lot of kudos for and they knew I have an interest in their technical area. Their encouragement got me to thinking that maybe I should apply, despite having technically been in my current position for just over a month (though I had been doing many of the job responsibilities for the past year). I mulled it over a few days and was feeling very interested in the position but like I wanted to learn more about it, preferably without actually applying because if I applied I was worried it would get back to my current supervisor. So I requested a meeting with the hiring manager, who agreed and we sat down and discussed the position earlier this week. I got some good information from the hiring manager, but I'm still kind of on the fence about applying. I think I'd really need to decide soon. My main concerns are: - On the positive side, the position seems like a great opportunity for me. I've been dabbling in this area for years and at one point had a more technical/research-based position that was somewhat related. I've been thinking I'd like to get more back on that side of things than where I currently am. I studied this area in school, and would love to be immersed in the subject on a daily basis. I see the position as a potentially rare opportunity to pivot back towards this subject and build a career that is devoted to the area. On the other hand, a part of me also thinks that I should get a little more experience in some other related roles before moving to the type of role that this job requires. - On the negative side, there is first of all the major awkwardness and potential bad feelings that would result from my applying to the position after being in my current position for so little time. I really value my relationship with my current supervisor and don't want them to think that I'm ungrateful to the support they've provided or that I didn't accept my current position in good faith. I know it would be an inconvenience to them if I left so quickly, and I am not sure it wouldn't damage my relationship with their boss as well. - Also on the negative side are the practicalities of the job. It would involve moving across country to a different location, and would also require quite a bit of travel. I am just starting to feel settled into my current city with a good living situation, an expanding group of friends, hobbies I'm passionate about, and I also really just love the city itself where I live. I was really excited to get the promotion because it made it easier to envision sticking around here for a while. I've moved every couple of years for a long time now, and I was kind of in a bit of a settling place. The location of the new job is another city that I've lived in before where I have a few connections, but I feel decidedly uninterested in moving back there. I also don't especially like the idea of having to travel as much of the time as would probably be required, though my current position also requires some travel. I feel like I'm leaning towards not applying for the position, (largely because of bullet 3 above, though partially bullet 2) but I'm afraid that I'll look at the opportunity some time down the road be it a week from now or a year from now and wonder why I didn't go for it. Should I apply for the position? Especially since it's internal, is it bad form to apply and is it likely that word of my application will get back to my supervisor? Any similar experiences or approaches to making a similar decision that you'd recommend? Thank you!

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posted about 16 hours ago on metafilter
I'll try to keep this brief. I will likely be moving to Southern-Europe and will need to form new relationships with new doctors. Now, what from what I've been advised - they told me they want everything since I have multiple issues (PTSD from war, Anxiety over loud bangs/sounds, fireworks, Phobia of small places..) had a couple of MRIs after my car being rear-ended as well. So is it as simple (I like in Mass) as emailing/calling them and asking me to send me all my records? I don't even know what records holds. Is it what things they diagnosed me with, blood results, my medication, my MRI results. Stuff like that? Does it cost anything? Any help is extremely appreciated. Thank you all!I'll try to keep this brief. I am moving to Southern-Europe and will need to form new relationships with new doctors. Now, what from what I've been advised - they told me they want everything since I have multiple issues (PTSD from war, Anxiety, Phobia of small places) had a couple of MRIs after my car being rear-ended. So is it as simple (I like in Mass) as emailing/calling them (various doctors and hospitals) and asking me to send me all my records? I don't even know what records holds. Is it what things they diagnosed me with, blood results, my medication, my MRI results. Stuff like that? Does it cost anything? Any help is extremely appreciated. Thank you all!

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posted about 16 hours ago on metafilter
I've seen "Stranger Things" and "The Get Down." I love STAND BY ME and GOONIES. I need more kids-in-danger media, particularly where they're smarter/braver/better than the grownups around them. TV or movies of any era. Books and comics are great too.Realizing that what I liked about "The Get Down" and "Stranger Things" was also what I enjoyed about: - EXPLORERS - TIME BANDITS - OVER THE EDGE - ATTACK THE BLOCK - THE SHINING - The Anthony segment of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE - Marvel's "Runaways" - "It" by Stephen King (and a lot of early Stephen King like 'Talisman' and 'Firestarter') In particular, kids that are faced with serious danger or very grownup situations, the media makers respect them as heroes rather than as "just kids," and they're more capable and smarter than all the adults around them. What should I be watching/reading/partaking in if I need more of this in my life?

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posted about 16 hours ago on metafilter
I miss The Toast so, so, so much. What sites are you reading now that it's over that scratch the same itch?What I miss: - the style of humor - the casual, inclusive queerness -- but that it wasn't a "queer website" just a good website that happened to be queer - similar taste to me in literature - the unusual amount of content about religion - really readable and interesting pieces about being lots of different kinds of minorities and having lots of different kinds of disabilities - the community, oh god the community. I wasn't much of a commenter there really but I so miss there being a site other than Mefi where I could scroll down and read the damn comments - OK also everything else just everything. I just feel like The Toast was doing a really good job of helping me be a human in this world and I miss it so much. It's Saturday night and I found myself navigating to it as a habit and had a little moment of "Ooh what'd I miss on the Toast this week" and then realized oh noooo I didn't miss aaaaanything fml. I will grant that Mallory Ortberg taking over as Dear Prudence is helping a little but honestly not as much as I was hoping it might. I miss all the other contributors a lot, and I miss the collegial feeling of the site as the group project of a bunch of people I'd love to be friends with. If you miss it too, what's taking its place for you? Did the commenters move someplace else? Is there some fucking slack channel that everyone is on?

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posted about 17 hours ago on metafilter
After this question, I resolved to do what I could to change my situation. I'm struggling, but managing, to be less aware of my inner monologue and more focused on using new strategies for conversation. But it *is* still very much a conscious process. I feel an almost physical pressure to talk exclusively about myself, and exclusively about struggle. I have to force myself to ask follow-up questions, to laugh even when things are genuinely funny. It's so rare that the volume of my self-talk lowers and I'm able to enjoy interactions for what they are.I've succeeded, during the past couple months, in keeping people around ( so far) by just Not. Letting. Myself. bring up certain things ( depression, job struggles, etc) in person, or bringing myself back quickly when I find myself drifting into the Land of Self-Induldgent Bullshit. But, it's still like keeping one's thumb pressed over a leak. What is this? Why do I do it? Anxiety? Depression? A corollary issue around the stutter? How do I learn to talk ABOUT the details of events and one's day/life in an interesting way and ask the right " meaty" questions? Sometimes I feel like I'm just not interested in people, but there is too much collateral and too much of a desire to be around others for that to be true. I should note that this is not a verbal-vs-nonverbal interaction issue. This happens online too. I'm getting better at it after being very intentional about it this summer, but it's still hard. Hope me?

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