posted less than an hour ago on metafilter
CONTINUE? Y/N: A Short Story

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posted about 1 hour ago on metafilter
What happens when you actually bake Ben & Jerry's cookie dough?

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
Coming from Tahoe via Vallejo. Probably sometime in the next few weekends. Assume I have about 4 hours once I arrive at the visitor center. Prettiest, easy to get to dog friendly beach (I have a 12 year old little mutt, still spry but not ready for a killer hike)? Better to go on a Sunday than on a Sunday? Any must do cheap eats?

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
Given the plethora of handwriting fonts online, I'd like to find a one that has the same feel as library hand. I'm aware of the Nathan Hauenstei font but am interested in other possibilities. Any suggestions?

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
How do I enjoy and make the most of my life, when it is so full of uncertainty? What are some strategies for tolerating and living with uncertainty, rather than being afraid of and fighting it? Details/specific situation insideI'm going to try to ask this question that does not sound incredibly whiny and self-indulgent, though that is difficult. I've read a number of Ask MeFi queries over the past few years on similar themes that have provided me with a lot of comfort and perspective and so that (the second, most of all) is what I'm looking for now. I'm a just turned 25-year old woman (my birthday was a few days ago) living in New York City. I'm single and have never really been in a serious relationship. I've dated casually in the past and had a number of short-term relationships/flings in the past five or six years but that's pretty much it. Up until this most recent birthday, this was something that only bothered me periodically but since last week, somehow, it's morphed into something terrifying and overwhelming and hugely anxiety-provoking. Sometimes, I feel winded and breathless with panic at the thought of it. It's not so much that I'm desperately lonely or feel that my life is empty without a partner. I have, objectively, I think, a full and satisfying life. I have a job at a nonprofit that I've been at for the past two years that I love. I have great co-workers who have become good friends, a boss I admire and view as a role model and genuinely meaningful work. I also have a very close and positive relationship with my family, a small but wonderful circle of close friends from college and in the fall, I'm starting a highly-ranked Master's program in my field with an excellent job placement record, so I feel that I have a pretty good sense of career direction for my age. It's just, sometimes I project my life forward a few years and think of myself without a partner and I feel so scared. If I knew for sure that say, in a few years, I would meet someone and eventually get married, I feel I could take full advantage of all that I have now and be happy and content in being alone. There are many things I enjoy about being single, after all. But I don't know that I will find someone eventually. I have that uncertainty and while I have it, I almost feel guilty about enjoying myself---about going out with friends, traveling, taking fun, random classes for kicks, enjoying New York, having new experiences. Sometimes when I do these things, I have a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach, like I have a test tomorrow, that I'm not studying for. I feel like I'm in a waiting room or on a long line, except I don't know if I'll ever get to the end. There have been many other things I have felt this kind of uncertainty about since I graduated from college: jobs, grad school, retirement planning. And in those cases, I responded to the uncertainty and fear by doing lots of research and making productive decisions to reduce the uncertainty—opening a Roth IRA or taking the GRE or applying to grad school. With dating, this is not quite so simple. Last year, I opened OkCupid and Tinder accounts and met a ton of guys over the course of nine or ten months. I went on second dates with most of them, as they tended to be really nice and dated a handful for a few weeks to a month and one, for several months. This helped reduce my anxiety a bit, as it made me feel as thought this was something that could be planned for as systematically as retirement. Ultimately, however, none of those 'relationships' worked out. Weirdly, given how panicked I am about this now, I was always the one to end them. I couldn't keep any of them going because my heart wasn't really in it and I grew tired of making the effort. I don't know why exactly I'm so frightened of being single. I think part of it is that that though I'm okay with being alone now, I think I would be very lonely if I had to be this way forever, as more and more of my friends and acquaintances coupled up. I already feel a sense of terror whenever I see a new engagement announcement on Facebook, even though none of my close friends and few of my acquaintances are married. It's also just terror of how other people will see me. Whenever I see references to older single women as "desperate" or "pathetic," in media, it feels like a shot through my heart. And I worry that it will become harder to date and look for a partner, the older I grow. Ever since my birthday, I've even developed a minor obsession with the idea that I am rapidly physically aging and am constantly scrutinizing my head and face for wrinkles and gray hairs. I know very well that most or all of this is in my head. I don't look any different that I did a week ago. But our culture is not kind to older single women and some part of me is terrified that I am close to missing my window, however irrational I know this to be. I'm also so scared of disappointing and hurting my parents. I come from a conservative, very achievement-oriented Indian immigrant family and went to a pressure cooker Ivy League school and grades and achievement and measuring progress by numbers has always been a fixation for me and for all my family and many of the people I grew up with. It's just, one prepares for tests by studying for them. It's easy to reduce the uncertainty regarding how well you will do. But you cannot apply this principle so easily in any aspect of your emotional life. I may never fall in love. I may never get married. How do I tolerate and live with that agonizing uncertainty, rather than waste this period of my life, fighting it? Every year I grow older, this terror seems to get worse and worse and I want to learn how to better cope with it.

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
My city has been re-writing its zoning code. There has been a lively debate about proposals to allow higher buildings in select areas, and about how doing so -- or not doing so -- would affect other areas in the city. Some argue as if there is a finite amount of 'pressure' to develop, and that if this pressure isn't relieved by up-zoning in the select areas, the other areas will experience more undesirable development than they would if the pressure were relieved. Is this really how it works?The modestly sized city is a desirable place to live, with relatively high rents and high property values. It has several residential areas, some of which are zoned for multi-unit buildings and in which there are lots and lots of rental units, many under rent control. Everyone appears to agree that these residential areas need to be 'protected', which means that having more density there is seen as undesirable, and also that condominium conversions there are seen as undesirable, because they would displace current renters, and make the city as a whole less 'affordable'. It was proposed that several other areas, especially some commercial boulevards where there are currently mostly one- and two-storey buildings, be zoned in such a way as to encourage the development of mixed-use buildings that would bring more housing units to the city. Some advocate that 5-storey buildings be allowed in these 'new' areas, others that 3- and 4-storeys should be the limit. Those who want the 5-storeys to be okay say that 1) the lower heights won't give developers enough economic incentive to build enough new housing, and that 2) therefore these developers will go to the residential areas and build there or engage in condominium conversion there, both of which would be more profitable than building new lower-scale buildings in the mixed-use areas. My question is about (2). Specifically, it seems to me intuitively that if there are profits to be made converting to condominiums in the residential areas, or building anew there, there will be developers who will be doing that whether or not there are profits to be made developing mixed used projects elsewhere in the city. The idea that the residential areas are likely to be left alone only if there are profitable opportunities for building housing elsewhere in the city seems to rest upon the premise that there are a limited number of companies in the development business in town, and that these folks have a limited amount of cash. Now, everyone in the debate seems to agree that the demand for higher-end housing here is effectively infinite. Doesn't that mean that the capacity of real estate developers to get financing to supply additional housing is also effectively unlimited? And that therefore profitable projects will be pursued wherever they are in the city, whether few or many?

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posted about 2 hours ago on metafilter
I'm seeking techniques, advice and resources on how to protect oneself in an abusive relationship.The abuse is verbal, emotional, though rarely aggressive and never physical. This is a marriage. There are young children involved, and the victim has given up paid work to handle childcare. It takes the form of denying the victim respect by saying they "aren't worthy" of it or "haven't earned" the right to participate in joint financial decisions. The abuser wants the victim to sign a post-nuptual to ensure that the victim will not (in the abuser's words) "profit from" leaving the relationship. There is frequent invalidation of the victim's role as the primary caretaker. Even when the contributions the victim makes are listed, abuser discounts them as things that are easy, take no time and things the abuser does anyway, so therefore, they don't count as contributions. (Abuser does some housework, but not nearly the same amount.) Childcare is not considered a contribution since people entrust their children to teenaged babysitters, which somehow proves that it's too easy to count.The abuser tells people that the victim does nothing, contributes nothing to the relationship. Abuser has told the victim flat-out that they do not respect, love or like the victim. There are many attempts to "help" the victim by the abuser telling them they are too passive and too lazy followed by a number of examples of things the abuser thinks the victim should have intuited and done without the abuser having to say so. (Example: victim should have just known that the abuser wanted the kitchen counter cleared of all items, even though usually most family members keep things there.) Abuser sees small lapses in housework (as simple as a glass left on a table or cups not put in the cabinet in their preferred way) as personal affronts and signs of disrespect. Conversely, if the victim does assert themselves and directly state what they need, they are criticized for "attacking" and berated about paying more attention to the abuser's moods so as to avoid upsetting them. The victim is too dependent, and yet when the victim does anything that benefits them, they are being selfish. The abuser complains that having the victim home with the children is too expensive, yet if they are offered a job, they can't take it because they wouldn't make enough. There is also gaslighting. It's not feasible for financial and other reasons for the victim to leave right now. How can they protect themselves while they prepare? Already in play: Therapy, anxiety medication, marital counseling. Long-term escape plan. Victim's looking for work now. Victim has survived previous verbal abuse and is determined to stay strong. What does the victim need to make it through?

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
12 Angry Men Inside Amy Schumer Pitch-perfect reenactment of the Sidney Lumet classic. (SLYT - 21 minutes, and worth every one) Shot-by-shot comparison with the original

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
Would you put oregano on your posole?

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posted about 3 hours ago on metafilter
I am trying to help a relative find a dress for her daughter's wedding, a dress that has very specific parameters. Where do the awesome ladies in their 70's shop for special occasion outfits that are, as my relative puts it, "suitable for someone over the age of 20"?I need to help a family member find an appropriate dress for her daughter's upcoming wedding. My relative is in her 70's and has some very, very specific needs in regard to the dress: -It must be knee length -It cannot be a sheath or very fitted -It must have either long or 3/4 length sleeves -Nothing backless These are non-negotiable terms, she informs me. Color is negotiable, although she would prefer navy or pink. She is vehemently opposed to having something made by a dressmaker. Vehemently opposed. Having something made for her is off the table. I have combed the internet in search of something appropriate, but most mother-of-the-bride dresses are modeled by 6-foot-tall 25-year-olds and do not meet the above criteria. We have tried Nordstrom, Macy's, David's Bridal, Dillard's, JC Penney, and various combinations of Google search terms, such as "pink jacket dress" and "modest mother of the bride dress," to no avail. Am I missing something? Where do ladies of a certain age and genteel sensibility go for a once-in-a-lifetime-event outfit?

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
Where can I eat as I travel from O'Hare to Champaign, IL on a Friday night, and then from Champaign to Midway on Sunday late afternoon?Complications: A family of 9 and graduation-celebration-themed. On Fri, half of my family will be in downtown Chicago and the other half will arrive in O'Hare around 6pm. We'd like to meet up *somewhere* for dinner, and then drive down to Champaign. On Sun, we'll drive up from Champaign around 3pm and will need to eat before we fly out of Midway at 8pm. I'm hoping there's something magically delicious en route and feels like a celebration of 6 years of schooling. We like all good foods.

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
We have two quotes from landscapers, and our decision is coming down to how they are proposing to deal with the drainage. How do we make this decision?Our back yard slopes down towards our house. Certain parts of our yard remain damp almost all of the time. Our current drainage situation is very bad. We want it fixed. Landscaper One proposes a $6000 solution to our drainage situation. This would involve a gravelled walkway that doubles as a way to catch the water (it's not just gravel on dirt--it's kind of a whole system) and funnel it over to a pipe which will then drain off of the property. Landscaper One had his assistant come out during a rainstorm and take a lot of pictures and measurements. Landscaper Two proposes to handle the drainage situation by shaping the dirt so it tilts towards the same corner of the yard where Landscaper One intends to aim his drainage (so at least they have that in common). To Landscaper Two, this is such a simple thing that he basically includes it in the part where they're adding topsoil and cleaning up the yard, but the cost of that cleanup does not seem to be inflated to include any real focus on drainage. Obviously, it'll be nice if we can get away with this with Landscaper Two's proposal, but my instincts are screaming at me that the dirt will just wash away (we're getting it seeded with grass but not having sod installed) and that the drainage problem with remain and that Landscaper Two isn't taking it seriously enough. But I don't actually know a thing about this, and worry that I'm just biased towards "if you spend more money on it, it's more likely to be fixed properly." Have any of you had a similar drainage issue? How did it work out? Help?

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posted about 4 hours ago on metafilter
We recently adopted a 7 month old dog from the local shelter, a 37 pound border collie mix awesome mutt. We really need a good book to give us direction in training him to be even awsomer and deal with a few problems.We're currently choosing a trainer to work with us, but we'd also like a book that teaches us the basics. What we really need is a guide. The commands we need to teach him, and how. When he does this, this is how you correct him. Etc. Some of the things, other than basic stuff that we need guidance on: - he has seperation anxiety. Not as bad as stories I've heard, and we're working on it, but it's still a work in progress. - he gets very excited when he sees another dog. He hasn't been aggressive. But he barks and whines until he gets to sniff the other dog. - barking at random people. 99 percent of the time he 's great with people and ignores them. And he's fine with people petting him. But every once in a while we'll come across a jogger or person working in the yard and he acts aggressive to them. I don't believe he would be, but the reaction probably leads the other person to believe he would be (he's never bitten anything or showed teeth). A book that laid out basic training, along with plans of action when these things happen, would be great. But there are so many books on dog training. We were hoping someone with experience or in the field could recommend one. Thanks for any help.

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
I'm a web developer. I'm almost 40, and I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can expect to sling code in the trenches with the youngsters. I mean, I still have a number of years of relevance left in me—but it's hard to imagine that I'll remain competitive as a developer as I enter my 50s and 60s. I need to start thinking about the long game. So...what does the long game look like?Now, I do my best to keep up with the start of the art. But web tech has become exponentially bigger, more complex, and more fast-moving over the last 15 years—and I no longer have the energy to spend hundreds of hours of free time keeping up with all the latest technologies. Don't get me wrong—no one's thinking about putting me out to pasture quite yet. I'm just trying to come up with a plan so I don't end up in that situation. One option is to start transitioning to more of a strategic/management type of role. (This has been dangled in front of me a couple of times—actually, it's being dangled right now.) But, honestly, I kind of despair at the thought. The business world has never been a good fit for me—in fact, I chafe at business culture, and it's caused me a lot of unhappiness over the years. Writing code is what I'm good at, and it's what makes me happy. Sitting in meetings, playing politics, talking to clients, listening to jargony BS, reading and writing reports and budgets—ugh. If staying relevant as a developer in his 50s sounds difficult, then becoming yet another out-of-touch, middle-aged middle manager sounds like it would drive me to suicide. Honestly, I'm totally open to the idea of changing careers entirely. Working as a programmer has kinda killed my love of programming—which used to be one of my main joys in life. But I have no idea how to change careers, especially since I have no university education, and no real other skills. I do have an analytical and inquisitive mind, decent (non-fiction) writing ability, a love of science and technology, a penchant for creative problem-solving, and the ability to navigate and devise complex abstract systems. tl;dr: All I really want to do is write code, but I'm getting nervous about getting older in a young person's game—and thinking that maybe I need a change for the sake of my mental health anyway. Have you navigated something like this? Please share your successes (and failures) with me. Thanks.

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
"I think we might have made a little bit of history tonight." Alberta, Canada's most conservative province, the home of the oil/tar sands, and most of Canada's oil and gas industry, has elected a majority NDP government. And one run by a woman, at that. Given that the NDP is a left-wing social democratic party, the traditional third party responsible for nationalized health care and other social programs, that's rather like Bernie Saunders becoming the Governor of Texas. The victory has been noted in the US and the UK, and has caused some palpitations in the financial press, and a drop in the Toronto Stock exchange. This is the first win in Alberta for the NDP, but it's even more of an upset than it first appears: Alberta has been ruled by right-wing parties for 85 years. The exiting PC (Progressive Conservative) government has held power for 44 years, since 1971 , and prior to that, from 1935 to 1971, the province was run by the Social Credit Party, a right-wing Christian populist outfit. Alberta is usually seen as a right wing paradise: the home of cowboys and cattle ranchers, fundamentalist homeschoolers, creation museums, gun racks on pickup trucks and truck nutz . But it's changed in the last decade, due to immigration and in-migration from other provinces: Calgary's mayor, Naheed Nenshi, is a political moderate and Canada's first Muslim mayor, and 'visible minorities' now make up 30% of the city. And Edmonton has always been Redmonton. The question now is how does this effect Ottawa? Stephen Harper's Conservatives are based in Alberta, the PM deliberately ties himself to the region, and most of the party's money and resources stem from the oil industry -- leading to some interesting links with Republican politicians and campaign strategies.

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
"Wellness is New Age for the Instagram era. Amethysts and incense have been replaced with kale and balayage; tie-dye and velvet with bamboo cotton and designer yoga pants. It's the alternative lifestyle but with better design. It is a movement defined by its minimalist, feminine aesthetic – pastel homewares, bright vegetable smoothies, slim legs in clean, expensive exercise wear. It's not really about health – health does not have to be beautiful, thin and tidy in designer crop tops, but wellness does. It's an aesthetic of wealth, a sort of gentle, palatable capitalism. There's a dizziness to its beauty: it is light, weightless, transcendent. It probably feels this way thanks to the restricted calories as much as the calm from appropriated Eastern meditation. Aesthetically, conventional medicine does not "work". Actual medical medicine doesn't make the best Instagram subject. Medicine uses copious packaging and leaves unattractive bits of aluminium on your minimalist timber bedside table. It is made with chemicals that have long, indecipherable names with numbers that just don't sound organic. Medicine is administered in cold, sterile environments, with walls painted in ugly sedated hues and smells like disinfectant." On Belle Gibson, Jess Ainscough, and the Inherent Bullshit Of The Wellness Aesthetic

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
Many American, Canadian, and British military veterans opposed to the actions of ISIS in Iraq have been, individually, going over to fight with the Kurdish Peshmerga for some time now, bringing thousands of dollars of military gear and irreplaceable training. There have been so many of them fighting that the Peshmerga are now actively recruiting military veterans online. Not to be internet-outdone, military veterans have begun investigating forming units of their own to fight ISIS -including notable and controversial science-fiction author John Ringo, who suggested trying to crowdfund for 'a brigade of soldiers'. A former U.S. Marine, who recently flew to the Kurdish region, described his travel. "When I arrived they were giving me a hard time at the airport because of all the gear I had brought. So, I lied. I flashed an old reserve ID I still had and told them I was on orders. It worked. That was three weeks ago."

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posted about 5 hours ago on metafilter
We talked about The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore (Comedy Central's time-slot replacement for The Colbert Report soon after it premiered, and the show has been busy working out a lot of the bugs we talked about -- in particular, taking the panel down from four participants to three and occasionally focusing an entire show on the panel without Wilmore's standard-issue monologue or wacky skits. Then Wilmore left the studio entirely, sitting down in a Baltimore diner with Crips and Bloods to discuss their truce during the protests, which one reviewer is calling TNS finding its voice.

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posted about 6 hours ago on metafilter
Hello Mefites, My mom is in the hospital several states away and I'm not going there right now. She has good family helping her and we are spreading ourselves out over time rather than clustering all at once. It is likely she will recover well.In the meantime, I'm looking for a movie (or two or three) to get into. I would like something akin to Billy Eliot (some humor, good plot, lots of feels and a bit on the grand side). Immediate access via Netflix Streaming or Amazon Prime, or even YouTube would be preferable. I don't mind foreign films as long as I can get subtitles. Many Thank Yous!

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
After months of trying to investigate what it's like to be an UberX driver, Emily Guendelsberger of the Philadelphia City Paper decided to become one herself. She also picked up some tricks on how to do it along the way.

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
...can I help you with that? PLOS (The Public Library of Science) gets rid of reviewer and editor as a result of sexist statements, from Science Insider; Retraction Watch's summary. Here's the direct link to the apology and update on peer review policy from the PLOS ONE blog. Finally, this story gets the BuzzFeed treatment, plus some of the scientific community's responses using the hashtag AddMaleAuthorGate (additional examples: 1, 2, 3, 4, and the Microsoft Assistant paperclip: 5)

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
I've finally been diagnosed with fibromyalgia after years of struggling with finding a name for my chronic pain/fatigue/body rebellion. My doctor has started me on Cymbalta and I'm looking into getting a referral to a pain clinic but I'm wondering what you would have wanted to know when you were first diagnosed. What words of advice or secret tricks you've discovered that help you manage the pain/fatigue/fog so it doesn't control your entire life?I've read all the previous questions but they date quite awhile ago and I'm hoping that people aren't quite so dismissive of it and also maybe have more words of wisdom as the years have gone on.

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posted about 7 hours ago on metafilter
The Edison Talking Doll is just what it sounds like: a doll, with a small phonograph in its body, mass-produced by Thomas Edison's lab in the 1890s -- and it ... shrieks. It's like an unearthly Carol Kane screaming in a wind tunnel, trapped in the body of a lifeless totem. Listen at your own risk. Even more Edison Talking Doll recordings.

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posted about 8 hours ago on metafilter
Help me figure out how to get back to a place where I once was with a close friend?I'm a gay guy in my early 30s and have been very close friends with a guy for over a year now. I've always had a little bit of a crush on him, but it never stopped me from dating other guys or functioning normally. Recently, this has slipped into what is probably limerence - I'm having trouble sleeping, can't concentrate at work, have stopped eating properly, and have started drinking more. Before you say "just tell him", he already has a partner. I also know deep down that we are not suited for each other, and if he turned around tomorrow and said let's get in a relationship, I wouldn't be immediately jumping into his arms. We can be quite flirty with each other, but I respect his relationship and I think I just enjoy his attention. This guy has been a positive influence on my life, and has made me a lot more comfortable about being gay, and given me a lot of confidence about men, so I really don't want to go nil contact and lose him as a friend. I desperately just want to get this back to a place where I was before this all tumbled out of control in my mind. I've gone back on anti-depressants in the last couple of days which seems to have helped break the thought cycle, but anyone else have any suggestions that don't involve nil contact? I have gotten over crushes and limerence before, but there is a certain reciprocity in this one that makes it harder to get out of.....

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posted about 8 hours ago on metafilter
I'm working with some multi-variable data (up to 12 factors per event, from a possible 28 factors) so far I've only seen it discussed as a combination of two factors. Is there a way to elegantly (or at least clearly) display inter-relations of more features? I realize 12 factors is a lot, so anything more than 2 factors would be an improvement.For sake of discussion, let's say this is about people's preference for sweets, and I have information on when people eat them, how they're feeling when eating a particular sweet, and the ingredients of the particular sweet. With that example, Person #1 likes chocolate cake in the evenings when they're happy, while person #2 likes chocolate chip muffins in the morning when they're feeling sleepy. I feel like the results I've seen so far are as basic as "two people like chocolate, one person likes chocolate cake and one person likes chocolate muffins; chocolate muffins are eaten in the morning, while chocolate cake is eaten in the evening." And then I say, "wait, there's more nuance to this information!" But there are 500+ records to sort, and so far I've only come up with Venn diagrams, and once you get to 7 factors, it takes as much time to read as if you were to see a series of bar graphs and try to mentally collate them. Even 5 factors is visually daunting. What are some good examples and software for multi-variable infographics? Thanks!

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